Plate 28 from "A celestial atlas" as a generic die drop table

Source: Wikipedia

Print out the above on a oversized paper, and drop dice on it to create a random encounter.

E.g. drop three die and use one to determine the monster/creature, one to determine weapon, and the last to determine weakness/weak spot on body.

Or instead of dice: put it on the wall and throw dart! Or dip your dice in paint and throw those instead on the wall.

Anyway, you could put a meaning to different dice and drop those on the atlas above and interpret the results and be very happy according to this table:

1d4: Major feature of monster (e.g. drops on wing = flight)

1d6: Minor feature of monster

1d8: Weakness

1d10: Desire/motivation

1d12: Number of lines touching underneath = hit die

1d20: Last kill was this

And - AND! - the creature's reaction towards the party is based on the total number of even/odd dice; more even dice = happy creature, more odd = not happy.

My Secret Santicore 2014 entry: People at the bazaar!

For reasons unknown, I stumbled upon my old Secret Santicore 2014 entry - and actually, quite liked it!

And since I quite liked it, and couldn't find it here, I thought I should archive it here as well, since although the tomes of the Santicore contains multitudes of infinite wisdom, they are just exactly that; TOMES.

(And I find the font hard to read.)

The request was as follows:

Most cruel of givers, I a humble petitioner ask for a means of filling my seedy marketplace with scoundrels, villains, shifty peddlers, beggars, vagabonds, and their ilk. But not just who they are but why they are at the irreputable bazaar. The place is busy and though a person may only meet 20 people in the course of their visit, 100 people would not be unreasonable.

Thanks!

J.F.

(I never did find out who that was.)

So I naturally made a d100 table of people; roll once and read across, or roll once per column.

Of course, Blogger wasn't made for displaying tables, so I tried my best to fit it below without screwing up the AMAZING page layout (it's all just text so you should be able to just copy-paste it), you may need to scroll horizontal. But there's also a pure sheet version on Google Drive if the one below gives you trouble.

OR...just use the button below the table. It is INTERACTIVE and will DIGITALLY produce a random person for you! The mind boggles!

#	First name	Last name (1st part)	Last name (2nd part)	Business at the bazaar	Secret
1	Abgad	Knife	heart	Sells meat of unknown origin; 1 in 6 contains beneficial parasites	Been tracking the party for days
2	Ahq	Mold	ears	Sells painted pot shards as relics	Stolen identity
3	Almond	Old	daughter	Looking for ... (roll up another person)	His/her teeth are living beings; last of their kind
4	Aziri	Pocket	farer	Looking for a blood magician named ... (roll up another one)	Wanted for murder
5	Badsey	Twixt	ruse	Prizefighter; last match was against ... (roll another)	Mind reader; mute
6	Barker	Broth	brat	Wears a porcelain mask	Actually two people, one standing on the other
7	Billobi	Warring	moor	Crawls on a all four, searching for that "special" coin	Breed imps at home in his/her cellar
8	Bog	Tot	tripler	Carries a big animal cage, says s/he lost "them"	Spoils food just by touching it
9	Cag	Skar	bringer	Pickpocketing (bad at it)	Body smell is slightly toxic
10	Coo	Booth	bub	Pickpocketing (good at it)	Undead without knowing it
11	Cut	Toe	eye	Exotic fruit merchant	Can't lie (under a spell)
12	Dodger	Ash	hater	Palm reader (quack)	Can't tell the truth (under a spell)
13	Dong	Teeth	tosser	Bodyguard for ... (roll up another person)	Steals memories
14	Drutt	Prat	thrasher	Broke merchant just closing up his shop	Shrinks to pixie size during night time
15	Edma	Star	whisperer	Selling home-made maps to a newly discovered continent	Bored noble, playing "common"
16	Estra	Fear	trawler	Doomsayer (can't shut up)	Dies every full moon; reincarnated at the next
17	Eugen	Moth	mangler	Mimer (unappreciated); specializes in "death-faces"	Clothes are a parasite
18	Exo	Baby	burier	Hatter; everything's made of food	Keeps a log book at home with details about every person s/he's ever met
19	Farthington	Gob	collector	Loafer; can whistle the spell Strong Whistling	Just robbed a friend of the party
20	Father	Filth	taster	Local guard (corrupt), works in pairs (roll up another person)	Working in collusion with another merchant; steals goods to sell
21	Forlorn	Salt	mine	Fishwife	Working with the law enforcers
22	Fhf	Log	and mud	Sells love potions (1 in 6 are magically, but actual emotion is random)	Paints charms all around town; may attract pixies
23	Garga	Fart	fob	Has miniature golems (clay) for sale	Sound of voice is delayed due to excessive time travelling
24	Gloth	Piss	master	Known drunk, ignored by most	Dust collector; tries to invent a new type of golem
25	Gy	Knob	hole	Merchant of extremely tiny weapons (finger sized)	Can turn small amounts of sand into glass at will, but will lose life doing so
26	Hasten	Rot	well	Merchant of ridiculously large weapons	Wakes up every day with one prepared spell, but have no idea what it will do
27	Hog	Much	less	Trying to buy meat but cannot speak the language	Has an unhealthy affection for cats
28	Hoop	Oath	bend	Drawing symbols on the ground (manic)	Stalks ... (roll up another person)
29	Idle	Tick	blood	Sings for money (knows one song)	Has a cast iron foot (cursed by a witch ten years ago)
30	Ihmren	Palm	bleed	Looking for trouble (already got a black eye)	Actually a forgotten minor deity (forgot it him/herself)
31	Iinez	Sand	peeler	Looking for a translator; has cryptic, unreadable note found in a pot	Both hands turn into solid iron when angry; almost drowned once
32	Iridia	Marrow	son	Sells outlawed wine (or so s/he says)	Possessed by a demon; original soul lost
33	Jahaja	Hill	barrow	Lost, naked, speaks gibberish	Will start stalking party if approached
34	Jarmin	Rough	flinger	Member of Priesthood of Animals; chants by imitating animals	Levitates 1 cm above ground at all times; will die if feet touches
35	Jil	Minx	flesh	Hungover poet at it again; arms tattooed with poetry	Half-tree, half-human. Hunted. Keeps to him/herself
36	Jug	Copper	wound	Just a nobody. No teeth	Collector of shrunken human heads, still kept alive through magic
37	Kar	Dirt	widgeon	Street food; everything from the sea	All items owned/sold are cursed; something about his/her hands
38	Kendrick	Wight	craft	Street food; dogs, cats	Werehuman; turns into a different type of person at full moon
39	Koki	Troll	lord	Street food; large beetles that must be eaten alive	Fence (low-risk stuff); 1 in 4 are broken
40	Kovet	Zest	pound	Potter (not a very good one). 1 in 20 pot contains a strange note from ... (roll another)	Fence (high-risk stuff); 1 in 12 are magical; 1 in 6 are cursed
41	Lady	Kill	head	Fletcher; arrows are bent and looks more like twigs, but works anyway	Knows the way to the hidden bazaar underground
42	Laza	Bumble	fumbler	Fletcher; living arrows	His/her shadow is actually another living entity
43	Lump	Lung	bell	Sells expensive pictorial carpets; 1 in 12 is an actual dungeon map	Runs one of the many local gangs together with ... (roll up 3 more people)
44	Ly	Nose	odor	Back-of-the-hand reader; can see person's complete history	Has already stolen something minor from the party
45	Mama	Under	sung	Thimblerigger	Self-fulfilling vampire hunter; needs no real proof of person actually being a vampire
46	Maggot	Cod	wing	Portrait artist; after completing the painting, will tear it apart and shout "RUBBISH!"	Has a demon maggot infestation bubbling in his/her stomach
47	Muck	Nine	pot	Just another nobody that happens to look like your mirror image	A horn is growing from the top of his/her head (hidden under a leather cap)
48	Mildew	Fiddle	heel	Specializes in spices, lacks eyebrows	Forced to lure away children to a troll bridge just outside of town
49	Nour	Sick	pus	Crazy; acts like a stray dog; good at finding people	Gets town gossip from gargoyles
50	Nadia	Gib	fin	Boatsman; looking for a crew to sail to a newly discovered continent	Drips poison in food around the market
51	Nydd	Poor	ish	Boatsman; looking to replace his former crew that...uhm...isn't...eh..."here" anymore	The head is the only solid form on this body; rest is gas (hidden under clothes)
52	Nell	Little	letter	Gravedigger, emaciated; looking for a new shovel	Has a mechanical heart
53	Ort	Neck	rug	User of flying ointment; cats follow him/her at a distant	Can command small amounts of gravel for a short period of time
54	Ondo	Small	fry	Recruiter for Cult of the Free Flesh; looking for volunteers to sacrifice themselves	Has a treasure map tattooed on his/her body
55	Oze	Fish	drought	Hitman; offers people to hit him/her for money;	Left eyeball isn't his/hers; belongs to a witch that spies on the town
56	Pebble	Beetle	pore	Eats onions; talks about the old days and the old bazaar	Ages ten times faster than a normal human
57	Poriya	Nail	dweller	Washes hair in mud; says s/he's worth it	Pigs recognizes him/her as their true savior
58	Poppy	Sore	picker	Sells mules; looks like one, smells like one, talks like one	Astronomer; just made contact with a distant star through quartz crystals
59	Pix	Bone	caller	Tosses cabbages from a rooftop, shouting "INFIDELS!"	Heartbroken; planning the great revenge that will "show them all"
60	Qala	Rum	hoof	Town crier; mostly made-up news	Eyes and ears are detachable; used to work as a spy
61	Quinton	Gel	rib	Wears Boots of the Toddler; makes you walk like a drunk	Avatar of an avatar of an avatar of an extremely local deity (as in this street)
62	Qoo	Wet	wit	Snake charmer; plays a flute; has several bite marks in his/her face	Has the reanimated body of ... (roll another one) in his/her cellar
63	Qit	Foot	loose	Chased by ... (roll another one), claims s/he stole his/her hat	Back is covered in eyes; all but one focuses on the same thing
64	Rust	Wither	skin	Sells blessings; writes them up on the spot (two-liners that rhymes; 1 in 20 works)	Coughs copper coins
65	Razi	Maul	pine	The Herald of Unwanted Things; clothes made of trash (quite mad)	Traps people in a small handheld mirror during the full moon
66	Roulia	Herring	herder	Alchemist; can break down smaller things into salts and strange components	Worshipper of Asudem, a cult that tries to turn statues into people
67	Ruf	Iron	belly	Scryer; sells glimpses of peoples homes (1 in 12 are real)	Shadow catcher; grinds them to dust; powder can be used for reanimations
68	Sofi	Mould	pie	Scryer; sells glimpses of peoples secrets (1 in 12 are true)	Mind and body are separated each midnight for two hours as distinct entities
69	Shahab	Gar	pipe	Writer; selling his/her latest book "The Bazaar Below Us; A Child's Tale"	Runs the "Small Monster Zoo" at the hidden bazaar underground
70	Sir	Ferry	pin	Sells puff pastry that looks like snails, worms, maggots, etc.; filled	Gills; need to find water to breathe in every ten minutes
71	Scar	Sow	fey	Part of a travelling theater group (roll three more people)	Teleports five feet in random direction every time s/he farts
72	Tally	Ale	rood	Sells used capes; 1 in 12 smells of garlic	Both will perish if eye contact is made with ... (roll another one)
73	Turtle	Hem	field	Skinner; specializes in pallas's cats	Roll four more people; these five can mend into a giant once/day; this person is the only one who knows it
74	Tab	Lock	scythe	Butcher of few words; nobody seems to know what happened to the last one	King/queen on the run from tireless assassins
75	Tamaran	Thrum	mower	Will do anything for cinnamon	Can stretch arms up to three meters
76	Uma	Tall	mole	Sells intelligent crows as companions (1 in 6 isn't intelligent; 1 in 4 isn't loyal)	Produces threads of silk from his/her own body; 1 in 6 risk turns into a cocoon instead
77	Uff	Sweat	brim	Monster hunter looking for ingredients for his/her next trap	Former head of the local thieves guild; wanted by most; planning to leave town
78	Uhnfeyn	Owl	haw	Poet; shouting his/her newest piece "WHY I LOATHE ..." (roll another person)	Turns into an indestructible statue when threatened
79	Ubo	Cold	grace	Farmer, selling crops; avoids eye contact	Escaped prisoner; circle tattoo on neck s/he tries to conceal
80	Viz	Fungi	stead	Debt collector; currently looking for ... (roll three more people); will pay for aid	Has a small vial of liquid annihilation; saving it for the revolution
81	Vala	Badger	toil	Beggar; claims s/he recognizes the party; looks a bit too clean	Ventriloquist; uses it to trick people into believing they are haunted
82	Vex	Shrub	rot	Sells umbrellas made of animal skin (some works as shields)	Works together with ...; leads people away into alleys and mugs them
83	Valdibart	Rosy	ridge	Beggar; will work for food (unreliable)	Pirate captain; rest of crew are hiding in the underground bazaar
84	Wenn	At	noon	Face painter; 1 in 12 chance paint will protect as a helmet for the rest of the day	Last guardian of tiny, tiny forest world; keeps it in his/her hat
85	Winthrop	Stock	croft	Sells chickens large enough to ride on	Trying to find ... (roll another), a demon s/he summoned up and released
86	Wafa	Wall	love	Hireling; looking for work; chewing a bone	Footman of the rebellion. Waiting for a signal from ... (roll another)
87	Wheeler	Inn	house	Failed wizard selling mischievous spells (Legtripping, Hairdoundoer, Dog breath, etc.)	Cries blood, bleeds water; half-aquanoid
88	Xö	Waste	stone	Claims to be able to train anything into a war animal; sells small dogs	Has richness at the underground bazaar but forgot the way
89	Xinjiang	No	brick	Jester in exile; melancholic; torn clothes	Smuggles strange things from the underground bazaar to the surface
90	Xipe	Grey	sour	Sells clay pots that explodes on command; no eyebrows	Consumes food by absorbing its energy; two antennas folded into his/her ears
91	Xosa	Seep	cellar	Barrelmaker; shabby, bearded	Bounty hunter; looking for ... (roll another)
92	Yari	Wood	bug	Forges crude weapons from scraps (bones, hide, broken pots)	Ex-assassin; toes are actually concealed daggers that come off
93	York	Street	pugh	Sell trinkets made of fish bones/scales	Petty thief; can squeeze body into tight spaces; almost gelatinous
94	Ymn	Twine	cot	Musician; plays an instrument that seems to be almost playing itself	Ruler of his/her own plane, that's completely empty; small trinket around neck is the key
95	Yamanqa	Sty	arch	Used to work as a food taster for a far away queen	Shaman from a tiny, tiny forest world; grew out of his/her world; searching for it
96	Zan	Wee	bald	Shifts in and out of this plane at random; will pay greatly to have it stop	Bases all decisions on a roll of a die
97	Zopp	Free	ore	Claims to have been married to a bear once; lots of scar tissue; wears eye-patch; yells	Has the Devil's Dagger stuck in his/her chest; if removed, will summon 27 devils
98	Ålrick	Sea	scull	Cursed; appears as flat painting in our world	Disguised troll from the underground bazaar; a comb keeps the illusion intact
99	Älskade	Ripe	fig	Sells hallucinogenic mushrooms (1 in 30 are potent and will materialize the visions)	Has a hidden collection of ceramic cats at home; their waving paws dictates his/her life
100	Öl	Toot	hum	Sells leashes; once bought, they tether to an invisible animal	Pipe smoker; secretly smokes hair from other people to reveal their secrets (1 in 20 are true)

Gastropod die drop table

Print out the following photorealistic illustration of multiple slugs and snails for your next game. When you need a slug or a snail, just drop a die and use whatever it fell on.

(For those eco-friendly, non-printing people out there, please find a compiled table after the image for your convenience.)

 

Random gastropod encounter table to be used instead of the die drop alternative above:

1. Slug
2. Snail

Random tables: just switch titles

If you have a bunch of random tables (you know, "Why is this item cursed", "Why are these goblins here", "I search the body" and so on), but you want more, or you want to spice them up, or make them interested again - just randomly switch around the titles of the tables and go with that.

Literal Swedish translations makes a tiny location table

1. Perch swamp
2. Heritage bud
3. Children lake area
4. Fire croft
5. Fog home
6. Mire bay
7. Beauteous oath
8. Father's croft
9. Tranquillity home mountain
10. Free hammering
11. Wife reverse
12. Bird bay
13. Pelt swamp
14. Pelt rapids
15. Old string
16. Goat mountain
17. The stew
18. Double cream island
19. Green nock
20. Shark croft
21. Hand beer
22. Ocean rock strait
23. Weekend island
24. Whole ridge
25. Home lake
26. Side stitch isthmus
27. Heave island
28. Hear village
29. Gust end
30. Mud live
31. Ice branch
32. Ice take village
33. Hunter's know
34. Wolverine swamp
35. The man bed
36. Wedge
37. Nugget mountain
38. Charcoal bay
39. Cross hill
40. Cow bay headland
41. The king's bed
42. Randy bad
43. Crone island
44. Source ridge mountain
45. Flesh tag
46. Stock rapids
47. Famine
48. Look for rapids
49. Suffer croft
50. Little forest
51. Lime tree island deep
    
52. Goal meadow
53. Light water
54. The calm
55. Trickster headland
56. Tall ones rode
57. Tall stream
58. Ransom
59. Stomach goose
60. Stomach smile home
61. Thin
62. Grind well bay
63. Ant ridge
64. Moon gravy
65. Down village
66. Northern stream construction village
67. New maiden
68. Sneeze eating
69. Coin rapids
70. Stick croft
71. Pure current
72. Travel island
73. Pure iron
74. Mother's wood
75. The funnyness
76. Field flow
77. Rose eye
78. Square bay
79. Raw hill
80. Shrimp isthmus
81. Fox landing
82. Red stream isthmus
83. Smoke stream
84. Red ridge flow
85. Cairn tea
86. Roared bay
87. Hall town
88. Make inlet
89. One's croft
90. Shout croft
91. Tailor red village
92. Blame mountain
93. Battle isthmus
94. The little wall
95. Big pipes
96. The large scythe
97. Big harness village
98. Tooth lake castle
99. Crosswise rode
100. Beer indweller

 

(Follow the Swedish tag for more nonsense!)

Why are these two wizards arguing?

1. "You know that toad you borrowed? The TOAD? You know which one I'm talking 'bout! That toad was a gift from his fey lordship HIMSELF - don't you roll your eyes, you know I'm very close to the fey lordship himself, we go a long way back, the two of us, certainly longer than YOU, dirty thief! That TOAD is needed TODAY if you DON'T MIND - what was that? You what now? You used the WHOLE toad? Are you daft? What are you brewing, poisonous health potions? Come on, just quit already, get a proper job, stop dabbling you stupid bastard! And now you own me TWO toads!"
   
2. "TWENTY FIVE METRES, IDIOT! IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE TWENTY FIVE METRES! HOW COULD YOU NOT HAVE MEASURED THE DISTANCE BEFORE YOU STARTED CONSTRUCTING YOUR BLOODY TOWER? AND WHY THE BLOODY HELL IS IT LEANING? WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND BUILDS A BLOODY LEANING TOWER? IT BLOODY LOOKS LIKE WE GOT A THING GOING ON! I DON'T ASSOCIATE WITH ANYONE! WHAT'S THAT? WHAT? FRIGHTFUL? I'M A BLOODY WARLOCK IN A BLOODY TOWER, YOU BLOODY IDIOT, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE FRIGHTFUL AND INTIMIDATING! NO I DON'T CARE FOR YOUR TOWER SHAPED LIKE A SLEEPING CAT, IT'S STUPID AND IT'S MAKING ME LOOKING STUPID TOO!"
   
3. "Gwendolyn, oh Gwendolyyyyn! Are you theeeere, you old hag? I knooooow you're listening... Do you like wyverns, dear Gwendolyn? Winged creatures, big teeth, leathery skin, much like yourself? Oh Gwendolyn, I just know you love them, seeing how much you've got in common, you old bog troll. Did you know, oh Gwendolyn, that they lay eggs? Hmm? Oh that's right, you do too, I forgot! Anyway, dear Gwendolyn, when I woke up this morning and took a stroll through my tower of magical awesomeness, can you guess what I stumbled upon? Hmm? Well I turned a corner, and lo and behold, there was such a beast - in my tower! And below it, a faintly glowing sigil, obviously a teleporter of some kind, and it was your sigil, dear Gwendolyn, I recognize the markings, so at first I was all like Oh my dear Gwendolyn how kind but surprising of you to drop by! But after having counted the creature's fangs, I realized it was one of those wyvern creatures, and not you, dear neighbour! Anyway, Gwendolyn, you stinking pile of troll waste, I just wanted to thank you for this gift - a remarkable creature indeed, unlike yourself - and let you know that I'm preparing something in return. Oh Gwendolyyyyyn, I know you can hear me...."
   
4. "Oh, this cauldron? This cauldron right here? That's bubbling and sizzling and steaming away quite happily? Oh that's my cauldron now. No, it's mine. No, you mean it used to be yours. No, it's not theft. You know why? You know w- stop talking, Fenrick, just st- No, listen to m- listen t- Stop interrupting, Fenrick. It's not yours anymore. It stopped being yours twentyfour hours ago, you know why? You kn- Stop interrupting, Fenrick. Stop it. I don't care if the other wizards can hear us, they already know what you did with that queen of the fey. Yes they do, Fenrick. Yes they- Stop interrupting. You can stay in that miserable tower of yours, a ruin, just like yourself. Yes you're a ruin, Fenr- Stop interrupting. Just stop it, everybody knows what a fool you are. You stay there in your powerless tower, and I and my cauldron will travel the world for once in this wonderful tower of independence!"
   
5. "POOPYHEAD? HEY, POOPYHEAD? MADE YOU LOOK! HA! HEY, YOU KNOW WHY YOUR WIZARD HAT IS POINTY? BECAUSE...BECAUSE...WELL IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A POOPYHEAD! NO I'M NOT ANNOYING, I'M A WIZARD, POOPYHEAD! AM TOO! AM TOO! WHY? BECAUSE MOTHER SAID SO! WHAT WAS THAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MOTHER?! YOU TAKE THAT BACK! TAKE IT BACK NOW! SEE THIS? HEY! SEE THIS WAND? TAKE IT BACK OR I'LL USE IT! YEAH I'LL TURN YOU INTO A...INTO A...I'LL TURN YOU INTO POOP, POOPYHEAD! OH DON'T PUSH IT, DON'T PUSH IT POOPYHEAD, I WILL USE IT! WILL TOO! WILL TOO! OH THAT'S IT, I'M TELLING MOM!"
   
6. "Hello dear neighbour of wizardry, please excuse me for waking you up in this late hour, for a small chat over the crystal ball. I hope I didn't disturb your sle- oh you were fast asleep, hmm? Much like the night before this? Oh I'm truly sorry, dear neighbour, you must excuse this old wizard for not remembering this, I have this urge to welcome new wizards into the neighbourhood. Oh did I already? Thrice? But surely not in this late- oh I did, you say? That's unfortunate. Well I shan't keep you up, sleep tight, ta da."
   
   "Hello dear neighbour of wizardry, please exc- Oh I'm sorry, were you asleep? No, I think you must be mistaken, I don't recollect that I called you over the crystal ball a mere hour ago? Or did I... You mustn't be mad at me, dear neighbour, I'm old and hardly remembers anything, be it first level spells or friendly welcoming calls. Absolutely, you do so, go back to sleep, I apologize aplenty. Sleep tight, ta da."
   
   "Hello dear neighbour of wiza- Now, now, there's no place for that kind of language, dear neighbour. Yes, I know what time it is, I have a summoned a clock familiar for just that cause, it's very handy and... Oh my, look at that clock, it's so very late. Yes I do understand now why you were fast asleep, I am truly sorry, dear neighbour. It's so very late, that you'd could almost call it early morning, isn't that so? I find that fascinating, the eternal struggle between night and day, don't you? Oh, you- Yes you do so, go back to sleep. Sleep tight, ta da."
   
   "Hello de- Well I must stop you right there, dear neighbour, that's not a very nice way to say 'good morning'. I may be old and have heard plenty in the way of profanities, but I'm not immune to bad language. Especially not when it's not justified! What's that now? Constant calling you? Now, now, why would I do that, dear neighbour. All night? No you must've mistaken me. Hear me out, dear neighbour: I'll look past this little incident, because I'm a firm believer of a good community, especially amongst us neighbouring wizards. It's a lost art, living alone in towers, don't you agree, hmm? You know what, dear neighbour, you go and have yourself a nice cup of something, and I'll call you back in an hour or so when you've settled down, right? Talk to you soon, ta da."

30 minute map: Loch Pyramid

Loch Pyramid

A 30-minute map and adventure - I spent 15 minutes on the bloody one-line drawing below so I don't have much time left!

Background generator

1. The pyramid has been used as a trashpit for the last century, but it doesn't seem to ever fill up. Something inside is consuming the trash
2. This site by the water had neither a pyramid or the pillars last night. They are wet as if they were washed up from the beach below
3. The very ordinary looking house on the courtyard in front of the pyramid seems out of place. No one can remember building it. It has no windows, and the front door is locked. Vultures flock on the roof, far above.
4. Water levels are rising alarmingly fast each day, and the old campsite below is not safe anymore. Caravans are seeking shelter on the plateu on top of the stairs, but the old legend about jinns stealing things and keeping them in the old pyramid is always near. Two nights ago, the court wizard disappeared, and last night her head came rolling down the pyramid. Stranger still, she's still alive.
5. Birds are diving into the sand on top of the plateu as if it were just water. The plunge in, disappearing beneath the sand, and come up some minutes later with pearl beads and gemstones. But once in a while, the beads are replaced with freshly cut fingers or eyeballs
6. It's a mimic

Regardless of experience points, you may only level up...

1. Dancing on a rooftop
2. Holding a bouquet of at least seven different flowers (and then tasting a petal of each)
3. Riding a winged evil, holding on to its ears
4. Failing a jump across a great chasm
5. Starting a false rumour, and be able to hear again from someone else
6. Circling a goblin three times
7. Making a public announcement that discredits you in a town square 
8. Crawling under a pig twice
9. Singing in a prison cell
10. During a siege
11. Steal something and return it the next day - unnoticed
12. Successfully impersonating a noble person and fooling at least two

Golemblins

If you fill a wooden barrel with goblin intestines - and one or several other mundane things - under a full moon while reciting the nine verses of Bubbling Blurbs of Boghat, you'll get a golemblin.

For every mundane thing you throw in, roll a d6 and look up the result below:
1: utter failure. Regardless of what you've tossed in, the golemblin goes insane and rages, starting with you
2-3: yay, the item's positive side-effect kicks in
4: both positive and negative side-effect (if any) kicks in
5-6: yikes, only the negative side-effect of this item kicks in

Golemblins speak ghargel - a mixed dialect that sounds like stew cooking. If a golemblin gets into a heaty discussion, it may start to leak some of its gooey inside through whatever cracks in the barrel it speaks through (some golemblins have thus talked themselves to death by dehydration).

You may put in some other stuff as well to give additional properties. Be inspired by this nice table compiled by the folks over at Google+:

#	Item	Positive effect	Negative effect
1	Copper wires	Electrical attack	Chance of getting electrified and stunned when hit by metal
2	Hot coals	Smoke attack	Gets a heart of burning coal that needs to be kept burning by feeding it hot embers. One hot ember keeps the heart burning for 24 hours. There is also a chance the Golemblin creates a small flame around it whenever it takes damage.
3	Raptor claws	Extra claw attack	Gains an extra arm and claw but develops physical dysphoria and gets -1d6 on all attacks
4	Crystal ball	Clairvoyance	Makes a sound of crushing glass when walking that can be heard about 20 feet away
5	Elf ears	Sharp senses	Elf ears
6	Crushed butterflies	Flight	Addiction to pollen
7	Duckling	More obedient to its creator	Won't shut up
8	Beef shank	More HP	Is lazy and sleepy all the time
9	Jug of moonshine	Bonus to morale, immune to fear	Sings, stumbles, is drunk all the time
10	Bowl of curdled milk	Fireproof	Stinks
11	Sulfur and saltpetre	Shoots fire blasts	Explodes when reduced to 0 hp
12	Hangman's noose	Has +3 to all saving throws	Everyone in 10' radius has -3 to all saving throws
13	Big diamond	AC as full plate	Kleptomaniac
14	Viper skins	Poison bite	Always lies
15	Turtle shell	Plus 1 to AC	Moves at half speed
16	Troll skull	19 Strength	2 Intelligence
17	Rabbit's foot	Reroll 1s	Always limping
18	Tree branch	Bark skin	Stiff like a tree: -1d6 to Dexterity/Agility/Flexibility
19	Spotted dog	trip attack and good sense of smell	Prone to chasing small animals
20	Eye of a flesh demon of Choom	Cone of Disintegration	disassociative flesh tends to collapse on a failed Con save every round, pulling itself together slowly
21	Big rock	Slam and knockdown attack
22	Little rock	Slingshot attack
23	Dirty shoe	Stinking cloud attack
24	Floppy hat	Circle of comfortable shade (protects goblins from sunlight)
25	Eyepatch	Blindness attack
26	Coil of rope	Entangling lasso attack
27	Ingot of iron	Cold iron attack
28	Shiver of silver	Silver attack
29	Lump of gold	Detect richest target
30	Clod of clay	Slowing attack
31	Shard of pottery	Banish attack (ostrakha)
32	Axehead	Slashing attack
33	Bundle of bolts	Shoots bolts of goblin juju
34	Stack of paper	Administrative red tape aura increases zone of control	Extremely good at administrative tasks but is not very likely to follow any order unless it is administrative. Has a fondness for complicated tasks that takes long time to complete.
35	Coiled spring	Jump attack
36	Toy or real clown	Fear attack
37	Snail	Slime attack	Any movement is at half speed
38	Puppy dog's tail	Aura of cuteness
39	Cat eyes	Sees in the dark	Get an own agenda (only known to the Golemblin) to serve itself and wont hesitate to use others to fulfill it.
40	Frog legs	Leap and swimming	Gets slimy mucous coverd skin that is glue like
41	Fish tails	Faster swimming	Very short memory
42	Seven snakes	Constriction attack with intestines in barrel	Petrifying gaze.
43	Sword and stone	True king detection	Chance of havinging attacks returned on self.
44	Crypt Cup	-1d6 to highest ability, -1d6 to lowest ability	If the same character drings from the cup twice, it turns to dust. -1d6 on ALL abilites
45	Molted snake skin	Oily skin making it difficult to grapple	Get blind and only sense vibrations (not that sensitive though)
46	Handful of candy	Moves faster and is permanently excited (will not retreat)	Huge deficit of attention - Easy to distract
47	Marbles	Impossible to trip and make fall prone	Clattering noise (no surprise)
48	Watercolour palette	Can open passages through walls by painting a door	Becomes mute and socially awkward

(Contributors in no particular order: Luka Rejec, Liban Issa, Simon Forster, Łukasz Krupiński, Cody Mazza, Jean-François Lebreton, and that Swedish bloke.)

Some nice illustrations by some very talented people to get your imagination going:

Matthew Adams
("A barrel Golem, made with predominately with snails and spiders. I suspect an apple with a maggot was thrown in too.")

Henrik Rosenborg

Scrap Princess

Scrap Princess

Luka Rejec

Actual footage of an actual golemblin. Taken in Sweden yesterday by yours truly.

You look up and see...

(in the cave)

1. A large, crude painting of a human skull with antlers. It's red
2. Tree roots that somehow managed to crack the stone. A bird has made a nest in one spot
3. A band of ants marching. Every ten centimeters, there's an ant that's ten times as big as usual
4. A tiny lizard looking for dew. It's licking the ceiling
5. A pink gemstone, stuck in the rock. It's warm to the touch
6. Nothing unusual

(in the abandoned prison)

1. A clothed, not so complete skeleton, pinned to the ceiling with daggers. Judging by the uniform, it's a former guard
2. Runes, drawn to look like cracks, that spell: "NENWNWWSW"
3. A hole, just big enough to fit a child, leading to the section above
4. A snare made of clothes
5. Short chains with sturdy hooks at the ends. One is still dangling
6. Nothing unusual

(in the cottage)

1. A small mirror, cracked. Some shards are missing
2. A wooden chandelier with four arms. One candle is black and unused
3. Torn pages from a book, glued to the ceiling. The facing page numbers are all prime numbers
4. A thick, grey curtain. If taken down, a cache of hard bread is revealed along with a bottle of wine
5. Soot. It's smeared across the ceiling and looks almost like a letter
6. Nothing unusual

(in the forest clearing)

1. A curious animal head shaped like a pear, gracing down at you. The neck, long and slender, disappears behind the tree tops
2. The sun, larger than usual
3. A pack of small birds carrying away what looks like a human body
4. One cloud that's changing its shape to the beat of your breathing
5. A small tree, uprooted, slowly drifting away into the sky as if dragged by an invisible force
6. Nothing unusual

The village that forgot to feed its giant

I'm too lazy to write a proper encounter table, so here's one big rumour list instead. I'm so lazy I didn't even bother to divide it into proper sections. And you still have to decide which rumours are true. I'm so lazy.

Rumours:

1. The Four Pillar Pyramid is really just the tip of the iceberg
2. Jumping into a chasm just makes you reappear ten meters up in the sky, some meters away
3. The tiny village by the lake really forgot to feed its giant; its spirit will awake next full moon and crush those puny beings
4. The sand in the south-western dunes is edible and nutritious, although a bit dry
5. The pillar by the Rim of the World is made of gemstones
6. Entering a giant's skull with your eyes closed leads to the negative version of this world
7. There are two blind octopuses searching for each other in the lake. If they meet they'll mend into the creature that'll devour the world
8. Cursing and waving a dagger is the proper way to greet most villagers
9. The tower by the lake lacks windows because it is inhabited by vampires
10. The lone cross at the end of the mountain path isn't a burial site - it's a meeting place, but not for human beings
11. Most barns in the forest has the rest of the giant's bones. They are said to bring good luck
12. There are six cave entrances that leads to the shallow netherworld, each with its own kind of polymorph spell cast upon entering
13. The Rim of the World is also the Rim of the Universe, and thus the Rim of Reality
14. Every seventh tent belongs to a ghoul. It moves with the nomads but will not harm them as long they offer it human flesh every full moon
15. The blood of the now gone giant is stored in the bark of the trees
16. There's a wise woman meditating on top of one of the Four Pillars
17. Never buy a yellow potion from a dune merchant; it's just camel piss and doesn't grant you immortal life
18. The two skulls belonged to the same giant
19. The Star Tower at the Rim of the World is supposed to be a prison, but nobody's heard from the warder in a while now
20. The dead trees found scattered around the mountains aren't dead, but undead

Literal Swedish translations makes a tiny encounter table

1. Shield toad
2. Leech cone
3. Sea mouth
4. Garden sucker
5. Book ox
6. Sun blossom fly
7. Bonfire wasp
8. Moon horn wether
9. Packhouse death envoy
10. Large thorn berry fart
11. Ogre spindle
12. Here bird
13. Tallow ox
14. Late walker
15. Fly pouch oak grouse
16. Finger animal
17. Humus wader
18. River horse
19. Lip bear
20. Fur flutterer

Cyberpunk city generator (sort of), part 1

While reading up on the tragic background story of Bubble Bobble the other day, I found myself all of a sudden staring at old circuit boards.

Don't they look like futuristic cities from above? Warehouses, monorails, parks (synthetic, but hey, at least I got a sheep to care for)...

Look at this for instance (from Wikipedia):

This is what I see:

(...and everything between is just streets, LCD-thugs, and beambikers, of course).

Or this rail yard for lightbeamed monorail trains (also from Wikipedia):

To find more circuit boards/cyberpunk cities, just google "pcb arcade" (I added "arcade" because I wanted the boards to look old and/or have more of those big black thingies. Yes, I am aware they do have a technical name, but for now let's just call them thingies).

In part 2 I'll add a bunch of tables to generate LCD-thugs, beambikers, corporations to trust your life with, etc.

Subsisting in Bandar Karahc

This is yet another take on Jeff's excellent carousing table, only adapted for characters wishing to earn some quick cash in the city (or prevent perishing).

It's more or less a gamble to see if the work you put in earned you something. Like a Deck of Many Things, but for jobs. These jobs are supposed to be the kind that anyone can do without training or prior knowledge. Also, it's probably most useful for broke characters, just looking to get some cash right now.

Note: Since I forgot to include any money or ways of payment in my current game (it can happen), I'll use the term "BK" (for Bandar Karahcs) in the table below. If you happen to use this table you should probably replace that with gold/silver/copper pieces.

You roll twice: once for what type of job you did (list below), and once to see how many hours you could bare it (1d6).

The second roll is important because it determines whether or not you managed to work long enough to earn anything (or if you just quit in disgust).
Example: (+1 BK / 2 hours) means you'll get +1 BK for every two hours worked (round down). So if you rolled a 5 (meaning you worked for five hours), you'd earn 2 BK (5/2=2.5, or 2 rounded down).

Conditions may be stated as well in simple words (EXHAUSTED, ANGRY). These imply penalties to whatever type of rolls you do in your game (e.g. EXHAUSTED means penalty to all strength based checks). I guess you could allow a save for some of these penalties.
The only condition that's special is PICKPOCKET: roll another d6. If you beat the hours worked (for this particular job) you're good, otherwise you've been picked clean of any BKs you earned so far.

These activities are meant to take place during the day. The player may continue to "work" (by rolling again as stated above) until they're 1) tired, 2) the day becomes night, 3) the GM is tired. Just keep track of those hours worked.


JOBS

1. Sort fluorescence fish at the docks. Hands are glowing brightly (random color) the next two days (+1 BK / 2 hours. REEK, ILLUMINATED)
2. Barrel mover; roll them barrels all the way down to the docks. Don't think about opening any of them, even if the voice inside tells you to (+1 BK / 2 hours. TIRED)
3. An old woman asks for help with carrying her invisible dogs (all three of them) around town, since their invisible paws are cursed and will burn the ground. She pays with invisible money. (0 BK / hour. ANGRY, TIRED)
4. Keep the forge burning, keep the scary, cloaked, eyes-glowing-red, oversized blacksmith happy. (+1 BK / 2 hours. EXHAUSTED, NIGHTMARES)
5. Food taster for Botros abd Diryaq, the paranoid cook. He doesn't trust his own cooking to not be poisonous. (+1 BK / hour. STOMACH PAINS)
6. Go underground; the sewer's been clogging up at certain intersections. (+1 BK / hour. REEK, DISEASED)
7. Abdul Tajriba, the promising potion brewer, needs someone to test his latest mixtures on since he's all out of mice. (+2 BK / hour. STOMACH PAINS, RANDOM POTION EFFECT)
8. Animal wrestler for public amusement. (+1 BK / hour. EXHAUSTED, TORN CLOTHES, BEATEN UP, HOURS WORKED * 10 = HP LOST IN %)
9. Help a sloppy tanner (+1 BK / 6 hours. REEK, EXTREME HEADACHE)
10. Messenger by foot. Small parcels that smell of rosewater. Folded notes of unpleasantness where the letters bleed through (+1 BK / 3 hours. SORE FEET)
11. Load and unload ships as a docker. More barrels, more back pain. (+1 BK / 2 hours. EXHAUSTED, PICKPOCKET)
12. Rumormonger at the tavern by the docks. Tell them about abandoned limestone towers in the Al-Aalam desert, filled with treasures and tomes. Tell them about enchanted oases of blue-green water that makes you immortal. Tell them about the new menu. (+1 BK / hour. TIPSY, PICKPOCKET)
13. Collect debts from the cleanest of establishments to the darkest corners of this town. (+1 BK / 2 hours. PICKPOCKET, WATCHED)
14. Chase away the small djinns emerging from the tiny, southern sinkhole. The djinns are harmless but likes to scare small children. The djinnbusters won't catch them because they contain no fuel, but loud noises and arm waving scares them away (+1 BK / 2 hours. POSSIBLY TARGET FOR ECTOPLASMIC MISSILES)
15. The proclaimed imp peddler (no imps around though) needs you to run a few errands. Mostly salt, candles and fresh chicken blood. (+1 BK / hour. SHUNNED BY SUPERSTITIOUS LOCALS)
16. Where there's a caravan there's a camel. And where there's a camel there's... Grab that shuffle and get to work. These streets won't clean themselves (+1 BK / hour)
17. Help the rat catcher rid these streets of vermin. For some reason, she calls them by name (+1 BK / 2 hours. DISEASED)
18. Beg (+1 BK / 5 hours)
19. Take work as a hired mourner (+1 BK / 2 hours. EXTREME HEADACHE)
20. Scavenge the large pit of Jufra, in the middle of town. Old weapons and armor can be found here lumped together in an enormous pile, although most of it is rusted and bent and broken. The locals calls it Jufra Haram since it's said to be haunted and cursed. Most believe the pit is filling up with weapons from below, where two great djinn clans are fighting each other in an endless war. Climbing into the pit and searching for weapons is dangerous and tedious. (+1 BK / 4 hours. EXHAUSTED, SHUNNED BY SUPERSTITIOUS LOCALS)

Non-physical swords

Ethereal swords that harms spirit and mind, but leaves the body untouched.

Roll to hit as normal, but for target AC use the attribute that the sword targets. 

To create a sword, roll for appearance (two rolls), attribute and effect table (depends on attribute).

Appearance (roll twice; start with a standard sword)

1. S-shaped blade
2. Blade is like a wedge
3. Jagged
4. Blade is swirly, and engraved with a moral story
5. Blade is composed of stacked V:s (e.g. no pointy end)
6. Two thin, parallel blades

7. Filled with letter-shaped holes

8. Blade always seems to be pointing at the viewer, no matter the angle

9. Hilt is a living rodent

10. In windy places, the sword whistles

11. Blade is the length of a dagger, but the hilt is the size of that of a two-handed sword

12. Blade is impossible to sheathe

Targets this attribute (look up exact effect on its table below)

1-2. Intelligence

3-4. Wisdom

5-6. Charisma

Effects on hit: Intelligence

1. Releases one random spell (if applicable; otherwise nothing happens)
2. Target may only speak in verbs
3. Target's next move will be irrational and not very well planned
4. The common tongue is no longer understood by the target
5. Bleeds intelligence points; one point is lost per round (save ends; can't go below 3)
6. Target gets lost in an old riddle s/he suddenly remembers (save ends; unable to speak/react/move unless struck physically)


Effects on hit: Wisdom
1. Target gets a false memory about his/her current whereabouts; s/he will feel very strongly about it
2. Will only notice every other person in his/her vicinity (save ends)
3. Attacker shares one slice of his/her own wisdom, that is diametrically opposite of what the target believes in
4. Lose faith; start crying (save ends)
5. Lacunar amnesia:

1. Memorized spells are forgotten
2. Attacker is forgotten
3. Current objective is forgotten
4. Own name is forgotten

6. Everyone's a stranger; every new face is a possible friend


Effects on hit: Charisma
1. The next person the target talks to believes s/he is lying
2. One random hireling/henchman of the target suddenly feels disgusted by his/her presence; will leave next night (50 % chance will steal something as well)
3. Turn undead will attract instead of repent
4. Target's party believes him/her to be a traitor of their current cause
5. 1 point of Charisma is spilled on the floor; it materializes into a ghastly rat and runs away unless the target manages to catch it (which will restore the lost Charisma point)
6. Every word that leaves target's mouth annoys the receiver (save ends; annoyance may build up to violence if going on for too long)

Compulsive goblin carolers

Goblins love to sing.

Or, rather, to make sounds with their throats that only differs from their usual babble in that it is more rhythmical.

So, goblins love to make sounds with their throats. During the high season of the annual common goblin cold, some are struck by another compulsive behavior: they need to spread these guttural ear diseases throughout the queendoms.

Forming a band of goblin carolers

Grab any number of dice (equal to how many carolers you want), throw them, and look up each die result below.

• Even number represents multitasking goblins: they both sing and play an instrument
• Odd number are goblins that just "sings"
• The number 1 is special: this is a goblin that is conducting the group. This goblin is thankfully mostly quiet

Instrument (even number-goblins)

Those who both sing and play an instrument, may (roll again):

1. Sing into a wooden bucket, held in front of their face, for that "special" effect
2. Hit the nearest goblins with a wooden spoon, more or least on beat
3. Play the "flute", by sticking any number of fingers into their mouth and blow
4. Play the "trumpet", by grabbing and blowing into another goblin's ear
5. Snapping their toes
6. Thrusting a sword into a pile of snow repeatedly 

The conductor

For a baton, this goblin use (roll again):

1. His long, gnarly nose
2. Two arrows tied together with a bit of string
3. A twig, too long to handle gracefully
4. Piece of goblin underwear 
5. "INVISIBLE SUPER POINTY SINGY THING!!" (nothing, but he's a great poser)
6. An animal leg, alarmingly fresh

Titles of songs they may (try) to "sing"
Roll once for each column, combine:

1	The joy of	licking	sticky trees
2	Hark, the angels are	fighting	piles of snow
3	Blessed Brood Mother, she who is	eating	people
4	Goblins sing while	gargling	loudly
5	Ugly humans,	farting	poison
6	Snow fall, start	being	hung over

These bands of goblin carolers travel the roads, sneaking up on people to perform their songs. They will sing 1d4 songs, after which they will attack their audience on sight.

Peddler of imps

Imp peddlers can be found everywhere, from the filthiest, most crowded street corner, to the loneliest road beyond the mountains. But you'll only find them when you're not looking for one.

They sell imps, more precisely the short-lived, chaotic devilkins most folk don't want nothing to do with. The peddlers don't have a stock of imps, but will conjure a fresh one for each buyer (after payment, of course).

The conjured imp will obey its new master most of the time. That is all that is known to the player.

Creating the imp
The imp will live for 2d4 days.

After this, it will:

1. Start to bloat, until it drifts off like a balloon in the sky
2. Start to bloat, until it explodes (damages anyone nearby)
3. Dissipate like water
4. Turn into 2002 beetles that flies away
5. Split into two smaller copies, which will split again into smaller copies, and again, and again - until no copy is visible
6. Turn to marble
7. Living its life in reverse (backtracking its steps, etc.), down to the very summoning (which will banish it instead)
8. Become mummified over the course of 10 seconds
9. Start burning intensively
10. Head falls off - then the arms - legs - tail

But during its lifetime, it will Crave and Fear an item from the following list (roll for both):

1. The sight of blood
2. The smell of flowers
3. Heights
4. Hats
5. Repeating patterns
6. Water
7. Paths and trails
8. Lit torches
9. Its own reflection
10. Its own death

Imps are actually capable of scheming, despite common belief, but they're pretty limited. Roll on the table below to get the imp's hidden agenda:

1. When master no see me, must hide his stuff in ground
2. When moon is high, must sneak away and find wolves
3. When master and us is sneaking, must bark loud
4. When master not watch his plate, must sit on food
5. When walking, must trip master
6. When in town, sneak away, spread rumors about master
7. When see wizard, pretend to be better familiar for he
8. When sleeping, take stuff from friends and put on master
9. When sleeping, eat on master's clothes
10. When meet other imp, learn another scheme 

Use your body

1. Poisonous tongue
   Pros: May coat any weapon with a mild poison by licking on it.
   
   Cons: Must save vs. poison every meal, or risk self-poisoning
    
2. Pullnose
   Pros: May extend nose by pulling it, for a chance to gain an even more sensitive nose. Every 10 cm pulled qualifies for a 2d6-roll on the table below (and replaces any previous gained property):
   
   
   2. Detect mild poisons in food/drinks
   3. Can track a scent like a dog
   4. Finding mushrooms have never been this easy
   5. Can determine if someone's lying by their odor
   6. Nothing - nose changes color to pale blue
   7. Nothing - nose glows in the dark
   8. Nothing - nose grows another 5 cm
   9. Can smell an object and gain a bit of knowledge about it
   10. Smelling flowers reveals what type of creatures that has passed by in the last 24 hours
   11. Smelling a dead body for at least one hour to gain a memory/spell (in case of wizards)
   12. Smelling a bar stool reveals a secret about the village/town
   
   Cons: Anyone can pull (doesn't grant a roll on the table above). New nose length is permanent.
    
3. Clenching fist
   Pros: By clenching his/her fist really hard, the person produces (hopefully) liquid equal to one cup. Can do this once every hour. Roll 2d6 on the table below to see what he/her produce:
   
   
   2. Clean water
   3. Red wine
   4. Fine sand
   5. Mud
   6. Oil
   7. Blood (lose life)
   8. Ectoplasm (50% risk a ghost materializes)
   9. Water that smells of sulfur
   10. Pure poison (save vs. poison)
   11. Really bad beer
   12. Fresh, cold milk
   
   Cons: Need to make a dexterity check after each clenching. Failing means the person passes out for 1d6 hours.
    
4. Tired eyes
   Pros: By making eye contact with somebody, and then slowly blinking a couple of times, the blinker has a 5% chance to make the victim fall asleep.
   
   Cons: Save vs. constitution, or you fall asleep as well.
    
5. Bedroom eyes
   Pros: Works exactly like Tired Eyes, but instead of falling asleep, the victim will reveal any information and secrets known to them (in exchange for promises of hugs and kisses and whatnot), during the next ten minutes. When the effect ends, the victim will have a grim headache.
   
   Cons: All victims turn into stalkers after a day (5% are violent, 50% are incurable romantics and will recite poetry and bring flowers, 50% cries and posts long letters "signed with tears").
    
6. Edible beard
   Pros: The beard of this person is nutritious and satiating.
   
   Cons: It tastes awful, no matter the seasoning. Only half of the serving is digested; the other half works like a beacon for the Shadow Lurkers, gnarly creatures that grants this property to beards during the night time. The undigested beard works as stuffing, since the Shadow Lurkers believe humans needs a bit of seasoning before cooking.
   The Shadow Lurkers will try to drag away the stuffed person during the night. They can smell undigested beard in a ten mile area.

What the one-eyed angler offered me

Monster's got the blues (or God is a bard)

Once in a while, the reanimated bones of a skeleton or the rotting corpse of an undead is struck by a distant memory from its past, from before it became what it is today.

In this moment of nostalgia, it is overwhelmed with sad feelings and an urge to release this sudden sadness. A few burst into fight, some are paralysed and frozen in place, but most burst into melancholic singing for some strange reason.

Unless attacked, the undead will complete its singing before returning to whatever it was doing before the memory struck.

There's a 5 % risk the singing will sadden anyone in its direct vicinity (that is listening). The affected person will be unable to act properly up till one minute after the singing ends.
All actions are performed with a penalty due to watery eyes.

The sad song is...

1. ...gibberish words. Babble. But sad.
2. ...the one about the farmer who fell in love with his scarecrow
3. ...about a ghoul who was a fool to fall in love with the dove he just ate from a plate
4. ...one food related word after the other
5. ...about the dragon that ate a bride on her wedding day - over and over again, because they were stuck in time
6. ...about how much it misses its mother
7. ...about the boy who fell in love with the most beautiful person in the world, only to discover it was his own reflection (this is a duet)
8. ...about the decline of a now long gone empire
9. ...filled with words that rhymes with "love"
10. ...about the dead hero who was resurrected by an evil necromancer, to serve as his minion for all eternity

If the undead lacks a tongue (and/or a throat), the song will be sung in silence.

(Image source)