Dec 18, 2013

Compulsive goblin carolers

Goblins love to sing.

Or, rather, to make sounds with their throats that only differs from their usual babble in that it is more rhythmical.

So, goblins love to make sounds with their throats. During the high season of the annual common goblin cold, some are struck by another compulsive behavior: they need to spread these guttural ear diseases throughout the queendoms.

Forming a band of goblin carolers
Grab any number of dice (equal to how many carolers you want), throw them, and look up each die result below.
  • Even number represents multitasking goblins: they both sing and play an instrument
  • Odd number are goblins that just "sings"
  • The number 1 is special: this is a goblin that is conducting the group. This goblin is thankfully mostly quiet

Instrument (even number-goblins)
Those who both sing and play an instrument, may (roll again):
  1. Sing into a wooden bucket, held in front of their face, for that "special" effect
  2. Hit the nearest goblins with a wooden spoon, more or least on beat
  3. Play the "flute", by sticking any number of fingers into their mouth and blow
  4. Play the "trumpet", by grabbing and blowing into another goblin's ear
  5. Snapping their toes
  6. Thrusting a sword into a pile of snow repeatedly 

The conductor
For a baton, this goblin use (roll again):
  1. His long, gnarly nose
  2. Two arrows tied together with a bit of string
  3. A twig, too long to handle gracefully
  4. Piece of goblin underwear 
  5. "INVISIBLE SUPER POINTY SINGY THING!!" (nothing, but he's a great poser)
  6. An animal leg, alarmingly fresh

Titles of songs they may (try) to "sing"
Roll once for each column, combine:

1 The joy of licking sticky trees
2 Hark, the angels are fighting piles of snow
3 Blessed Brood Mother, she who is eating people
4 Goblins sing while gargling loudly
5 Ugly humans, farting poison
6 Snow fall, start being hung over

These bands of goblin carolers travel the roads, sneaking up on people to perform their songs. They will sing 1d4 songs, after which they will attack their audience on sight.


  1. I really enjoyed this post. Thank you for putting it out there.

    I've added it to my Best Reads of the Week series, which you can check out at this link: