Oct 24, 2015

Halloween, not so mean

Incontinent Pumpkinhead, will chase you in short sprints

Howlin' Pumpkinhead, with his neglected child due to "career choices"

Boogie-woogie Man

Conservative Grandpaghost who scares like they did back in the day, and little Short Round who's more into comics and video games and stuff.

Headless lord Bartholomew, terrifying as hell but unfortunately blind since he lacks a head. 

Oct 18, 2015

Space crap

Crap ideas for slightly crappy drawing:

  • The crew of the tiny space faring vessel El Segundo
  • From left to right:
    •  Doctor-bot C.A.G.A.D.A, specialized in species nobody's heard of
    • Captain Mierda, secretly planning to steer the vessel into a sun
    • Zurulla, has an evil left arm someone else controls (a droidstalker in a ship closeby)
    • Spiderbot Diminutos Caca, contains the former captain's brain currently in hypersleep
  • Current mission:
    • Deliver the steel crate box they picked up on CULATO XIV to the space port orbiting waste management moon NALGAS MENOR. Note on crate reads (in space common): "PLEASE DO NOT OPEN. PLEASE DO NOT EAT. PLEASE DO NOT ANSWER."
  • Selection of previous missions:
    • Deliver twelve bottles of fine wine to local president Salchicha Marrón. Failed.
    • Deliver several crates of extra heavy potatoes to some farmers. Successful, but the crates sounded a bit too metallic to contain potatoes, and the farmers looked a bit too armed.
    • Deliver local ex-president Salchicha Marrón to safety. Failed.
  • Rumour table (true or false? Roll 1d10 for the entry, and 1d20 to see if it's true or false: equal or lower = false, otherwise it's true):
    1. There's a tiny, non-functional gun on board that could blast away a planet. It's missing a part.
    2. Zurulla's helmet is filled with voidspace; the most empty void in the universe
    3. The spiderbot can transform into a heat gun
    4. The El Segundo clones every time it hypertravels; some of the clones are out to kill them
    5. The mirror in the bathroom on deck 2 is actually a telehypervision, displaying a parallel universe
    6. The mat in the captain's room is a creature from the planet E. STIÉRCOL II; it lives of sweat
    7. The captain steers El Segundo through his feelings
    8. C.A.G.A.D.A. is building a half-droid in his room. It is stealing parts from things they're supposed to deliver
    9. The droidstalker controlling Zurullas left arm is the original owner of the arm; it wants it back
    10. El Segundo can transform into large robot; the spiderbot works as its head when in that shape

Oct 6, 2015

On the distant island of Alphabet

On the distant island of Alphabet
crazy creations in motion are set.
The librarian warlock, tired of reading,
tore his books apart (without any grieving)
and threw them in the magic sea
(they are quite common there, you see).

But as he stood there on the shore,
face red, yelling: "WADDA NEED EM FOR?"
the dissolved paragraphs of sunken pages
touched the crazed geniuses of drowned mages.
"Neat!" one of the Water Magi said,
"let's bring life to that which always been dead!"

So now, on the distant island of Alphabet
twenty-six beasts crawls out of the wet.
Apex, ascender, serif, ear and tie.
All different, both in shape and cry,
but together they roam as a flock
proud children of the librarian warlock

Sep 8, 2015


Have an ugly drawing and some random ideas about this ugly drawing because I'm too tired to write something coherent.

  • Every time you get resurrected, you get another head on top of any head(s) you previously had:

    Roll any die. If even, new head is a cyclops.

    Roll nearest die. If even, new head has psionic abilities.

    Roll furthest die. If even, it's a fish head.

    Roll die closest to food. If even, head speaks foreign language.

    Roll two dice of different sizes. If both are even, head has a constant cold (sneezes, runny nose, etc.).

    Roll die closest to your left hand. If even, new head shares brain with you (knows your thoughts etc.).

    Roll die closest to your right hand. If even, new head refuses to wear helmet.

  • Totemfolk are sturdy hillfolks that are often employed as battering rams in times of sieges

  • Totemfolks always speak in sentences containing exactly as many words as they have heads - no more, no less.

  • Totemfolks can transform into missiles and fly to other continents. This is only true if you're currently playing in a somewhat modern campaign that mentions totemfolks and/or missiles.

Aug 30, 2015

Care Bears inverted

The bears live in the land of Care-a-lot, named ironically after their apathetic inhabitants.

Each bear embodies a spell.

Each bear controls a part of the land - and inhabitants - through that particular spell. The spell shoots out from their belly, a ritual wrongly called the Care Bear Stare. The Stare is actually a hollow-eyed greeting demanded of the inhabitants. Ignore the stare and face the lair, as the old saying goes.

The color of their fur dictates the bear's natural/favoured environment/realm.

# Name Spell Fur color and realm
1 Bedtime Bear Sleep Blue; The ocean floor
2 Birthday Bear Create food and water Golden yellow; Dry desert
3 Cheer Bear Prismatic spray Pink; City of Flesh Golems
4 Friend Bear Charm person Orange; The abandoned theater
5 Funshine Bear Hideous laughter Sunshine yellow; Beneath the Burned Sundial
6 Good Luck Bear Obscuring mist Green; The Furthest Forest
7 Grumpy Bear Storm of vengeance Dusty blue; Twilight Towers
8 Love-a-Lot Bear Fear Light pink; Heart-shaped Shores
9 Tenderheart Bear Detect hostile intent Brown; The Mud Moraine
10 Wish Bear Meteor swarm Light teal; The village of winged houses

Each bear is a demigod.

No bear care for the others.

Aug 23, 2015

Literal Swedish translations makes a tiny encounter table

  1. Shield toad
  2. Leech cone
  3. Sea mouth
  4. Garden sucker
  5. Book ox
  6. Sun blossom fly
  7. Bonfire wasp
  8. Moon horn wether
  9. Packhouse death envoy
  10. Large thorn berry fart
  11. Ogre spindle
  12. Here bird
  13. Tallow ox
  14. Late walker
  15. Fly pouch oak grouse
  16. Finger animal
  17. Humus wader
  18. River horse
  19. Lip bear
  20. Fur flutterer

Aug 15, 2015

PuterPlane (an extremely tiny setting): monsters

  • Djinn-ish
  • The tornado-like body is actually smoke coming from overheated circuits inside its monitorhead.
    • It can only maintain this form for 30 mins before it shuts down and needs to cool for 10 mins
    • When in cooling mode it looks like an ordinary puter, turned off
    • The overheated smoke-body-mode is achieved by running this small program:

      10 GOSUB 20
      20 GOSUB 10

Keyed Cobra
  • Snake-ish
  • It attacks with its keyboardhead, trying to punch in command sequences to curse its subject
    • Each successful hit will leave a mark on the targets forehead in the shape of a letter (key)
    • When the last letter in the command sequence is typed into the targets forehead, the curse activates
    • Some command sequence examples and their effects:

      FORMAT C: (memory loss)
      CHCP 864 (target changes language)

Tandy Tentacles
  • Octupus/blob-ish
  • Oracle
    • Those brave enough may ask a question by typing it in reverse on its keyboard
      • The reversed typing is due to the fact that the Tandy Tentacle reads from the other side of screen, much like a mirror
  • Lives on cowhide

  • Hound-ish
  • Gatekeepers
  • Each monitorhead runs its own program, that helps the creature overall
    • One head runs the past events-program (e.g. remembering stuff)
    • One head runs the planner (e.g. how to move its legs, shortest route to places, avoiding danger, etc.)
    • One head runs the monitoring program (e.g. are we hungry? are we overheating? are we being attacked? are we hurting?)
  • The three monitorheads shares the same processor (found in its body), so each head only gets 1/3 of the processing power
    • Cutting off/terminating a head does not make two new ones grow out, but it will give the remaining ones more processing power (for example: from 1/3 to 1/2)

Aug 12, 2015

Instead of hit points: a glass egg

Every person ever born has one hit point. This hit point is contained in a glass container, shaped like an egg. Inside, a semi-transparent gas that pulsates like cloud swept lightning can be seen.

The glass egg is your phylactery.
The gas is your one hit point.

If the egg breaks, the gas disappears and you die.

When you are born, the egg pops into existence somewhere near you. It could be the under the bed, or on a shelf in the castle, or in the well in the town square.

If you travel too far from the phylactery, your body starts to decay, accelerating the further you travel from it. But you won't die, as long as the egg is whole.

This is why many folks never move; they haven't found their phylactery, and the fear of travelling too far makes them stay put.

This is also how undead are made; regular people that travel too far from their glass egg, either driven away by force or ignorance. Remove enough flesh and soon you'll have yourself a zombie.
Pushing on even more, you'll end up as a skeleton.
And then, when the last bone withers away, you'll continue as a spectre; a pale sheet of your former self.

Liches are just powerful wizards that forgot to bring their glass egg with them. They stopped travelling when they got tired of flesh falling of their body.

Jul 26, 2015

Cure disease, or each cleric his own drug

Whenever cure/remove disease is cast, the target must make a CON-save.

If failed, the disease became (or was already) resistant to this particular cleric/normal person's version of cure/remove disease. The diseased individual still suffers from the disease, and may only be cured by another person but this time with a penalty (+1/-1 or similar). The penalty accumulates.

(Antibiotic resistance is serious problem, people!)

Jul 13, 2015

Where is my mind? (or Who's head is this?)

There are magicks that messes with everyone's head - literally.

When caught, nothing happens (not even the slightest stomach ache).

But somewhere in the world, there's a headless being out to get you. Its head - or rather, the schematics for recreating the shape and functions and most memories - have been transferred to your DNA.

It rests there, inside you, doing nothing, until the poor headless creature comes within close range of you and the schematics activates - and you start transforming into its head. The creature will then pick up and attach its head (you), resuming business as usual.

Some explaining mechanics if you want/need that

Flow of the curse:
1. Person A is cursed
2. Random creature B loses its head
3. Creature B will start chasing after Person A (it will always know the general direction of Person A)
4. When Creature B is within range X of Person A, thing Y will happen (transformation still reversible)
5. When Creature B is within very close range of Person A, the head transformation will lock in and will complete
6. Creature B pick up its head and attaches it again
7. If Creature B is decapitated, the curse is reversed and Person A will unfold to its former self

To randomly determine what type of creature loses its head: use any random encounter table/long list of monsters you've got at hand. It may very well be another human being. Maybe not a kraken.

To determine how far away the creature is: common sense, or 1d12 days of travelling by foot.

Ranges and their effects (point 4 and 5 above): when Creature B is within 10 metres, the transformation kicks in and will not be reversible. Other than that: assuming a person has two legs, two arms, one torso and one head, render one random body part useless for every 100 meter the creature closes in (reversible), starting at a 600 metre range.

The Matryoshka Effect: however highly unlikely, there will always be a small risk that Person A, while cursed, loses his/her own head due to another person being cursed, and so on, ad infinitum.

Apr 23, 2015

Tell everybody to bring physical spell books

Some of us still use CDs. Or even LPs. Or musicassettes.

Why not use them as spell books?

  • Track number is spell level
  • Track name is spell name (obviously)
  • The A-side contains the hits; good spells that doesn't take too long to cast or memorize, but their effect will fade over time
  • The B-side will take longer to memorize, and their immediate effect on you (or the spell target) will not be obvious at first (e.g. there may be additional side-effects). It will take time to get used to these spells, and there will always be wizards claiming these to be their favourites
  • Track length tells us its components (minute field), and range (seconds):
    • Components (minutes):
      • 0-1: Verbal (singing)
      • 2: Verbal (growling)
      • 3: Somatic (fine dancing, ballet)
      • 4: Somatic (krumping)
      • 5: Material (food)
      • 6: Material (steel)
      • 7 and above: combine the ones above in any way such as their sum equals the track length in minutes, for instance 5 (Food)+2 (Growl) = 7 minutes
    • Range (seconds):
      • 00-19: Personal
      • 20-29: Touch
      • 30-49: Earshot
      • 50-58: Eye sight
      • 59: Thought (if met in person less than an hour ago)

If the spell effect - drawn from the name of the spell (e.g. song title) - isn't obvious, it's up to the casting player to make up its effect to the GM in a convincing way. If you don't get your desired effect, add a undesirable side-effect to the spell (e.g. caster's nose grows each successful casting) and keep going. Or switch CD.

Apr 19, 2015

The Compleat Spell Book of The Blue Album

The target doesn't recognize you, even if you've previously met. More so, they won't be able to help you before you've stated your problem to at least three different people, all residing in different buildings.

Cast upon yourself to cause amnesia.

1st to 7th level: one additional target/every odd level
8th level: can instead specify an area up to 20 feet radius

The target(s) can't be affected by magical means besides spells cast by you. This also means any spells cast upon the target(s)/area immediately affects you.

Spell level: 20

Also known as the reversed-levitation spell, or cosmic-disruption spell. The caster causes the planet s/he stands on to quickly change its course (randomly) through the universe, and cut off the caster from the planets gravitational pull (the planet actually forgets about this body).

As the planet keeps going on its new course, the caster remains in this fixed place, but to the naked eye it will look like this person drifts away into the sky, and further more, into space.

Gates in a friendly golem named Holly, who will aid the caster for the next 160 seconds.
The golem suffers from myopia and needs to stand extremely close to its targets to successfully attack.

Cast upon a target currently astral travelling to unravel their silver chord into multiple fibres. The target is now less vulnerable to the old hey-let's-cut-this-chord-and-kill-him-while-astral-projected, as long as at least one fibre is intact.

On the other hand, there's a risk a fibre snaps off and attaches to someone/something else - projecting in properties of the attached object into the astral walker.

Cuts travel time in half when seafaring.
If cast in a tavern, turns all ale into seawater.
If cast upon an incoming wave, turns it into a thousand pound keg,

Forces the target to rephrase its last stated fact, rendering it false in a compelling way.

Sends targeted non-living things away to the nearest available space (in this world/plane).
When cast, roll and see where it ends up (the caster knows the exact spot after casting):

  1. In the nearest dragon's lair
  2. In a locked room at the last tavern visited
  3. In the cavity of a giant's tooth (a really big giant)
  4. Ten metres in front of the caster
  5. At the bottom of the last lake crossed
  6. 100 metres up in the air, seemingly stuck but actually falling at a rate of 1 meter/day

Just by sheer memorization of this spell, a stretch of land (most likely a road) in a strange and distant land will render the wizard invincible when s/he walks there.

The area is always eight metres wide, and as long as the caster's level in metres. On that road s/he will never die.

Conjures a tiny, tiny sprite parasite, that burrows into the victim's bone and marrow. They're caries to your skeleton.

The only way to rid one's body of them is to confront them in a dream. In these dreams, the sprite is always of human size, dressed in a gown, and demands a dance - after which a fight to the death is inevitable.

Mar 29, 2015

Dreams as means of teleportation

Falling asleep while holding a folded map will transport your dreamself to a random spot within the map's borders.

(so skip those naval maps)

One's dreamself is not to be confused with the astral body, nor is the place a perfect replica of the place transported to; both things (called dreamentities) are generalizations made by all the people (and beings) dreaming about that place (and you) at the same time.

So, in order to visit that place depicted on that map you went to bed with, there must...

  • ...be people dreaming about you (to form your dreamself)
  • ...be people dreaming about the place on your map (to form the dreamentity of that place)

Generalizations are almost never true. Your dreamself may very well end up being big-headed (literally) if that's how the people dreaming about you feels about you.

The same goes for the place. If nobody's dreaming about your destination - but enough people are dreaming about you - your dreamself will end up in the Hall of the Mare, a black void consisting only of a dimly lit throne, upon which the Queen Mare sits and stares at you with her terrible multitude of eyes until you awake. Each failed teleportation will anger her; fail enough times and she will rise from her throne on her spiderlike legs, perforating the membrane that separates the Mare and our world. She leaves you there, alone in the hall, but you know she's probably out to do something to your physical body.

Where do you want to go tonight?