Bathroom Dungeons: Tomb of the Sit Trap

I brought a sketchpad and a pen to the bathroom before when I... Anyway, have a dungeon! I'll call this series for Bathroom Dungeons because I'll draw them when I... Anyway, have a dungeon! And yeah, there are no rooms, and no keys, and no nothing, but I figured: maybe you can fill in the blanks when you got to the bathroom and... Anyway, have a dungeon!

Devil of Cat

 

God jul! Have a cat map. Random encounters in the comment section if you please.

The crappy life infuser

Cicely de Cairn is really bad at what she does, but at least it doesn't cost you an arm and a leg.

In short, she can bring that which is dead back to life.

But as stated above, she is really bad at it.

She used to call herself a NECROMANCER, because, she thought, she dealt with the dead and so. But then that became a bad thing, so she had to relocate, and give herself a new title.

So she started to call herself a UNDEAD UNDOER, because, she thought, she dealt with undoing death. But it turned out that attracted the wrong clientele; necromancers who regretted having created certain undead and now wished to restore those to some previous state.

The combination of having your front porch occupied by zombies, ghouls, skeletons and regretful, powerful necromancers with strange, geometric hats and short temper - and being terrible at your profession - turned out to be a tad too much for poor Cicely, so once again she had to relocate, and give herself a new title.

So she started to call herself a BAKER, just to give herself a break. That didn't last long, and left deeper scars in her consumers than those necromancers would've, so once again she relocated and gave herself a new title.

Her latest title is LIFE INFUSER. Having done at least some research, she is now certain that it won't attract the wrong type of clientele.

But, as previously stated, she is really bad at what she does. But she is kind - and will have a gathering of bugs running around her feet at all times. She doesn't have any permanent residence, and will most likely be encountered in the vicinity of any settlement.

 

Cicely de Cairn is able to resurrect that which has been dead for less than two days without any side effects - if, and only if, it is at most the size of a normal sized beetle.

Trying to resurrect anything larger than that will always result in one or more negative side effects.

 

Costs of resurrection

Cicely de Cairn is an interesting one; she doesn't know how to charge people for her services, but she do enjoy a show:

1. "Present to me within a week's time a pig dressed up in attire stolen from a noble man. Return the attire afterwards."
2. "Have a man chase you here so that I may witness it. He must be upset but not violent."
3. "Come back here in two days, but you must all have switched clothes with each other, and you must pretend we haven't met."
4. "Return with the largest egg you can find. You may only speak while the egg is in the air."
5. "Escort a family consisting of no less than three people to me. You must not educate them of your matter here beforehand. They must come willingly. Afterward, escort them back safely."
6. "When I start counting, go quickly and find yourself each a good hiding place. When I reach ten, I'll open my eyes and come looking for you. ONE..."

 

Duration of resurrection

Instant. The object rises as if been awoken from sleep. Beware: no wounds will be healed, nor will any limbs grow back.

Negative side effects

As previously stated, unless you're resurrecting a beetle or an ant, there will be negative side effects:

1. Shift all ability scores visually one step down on the character sheet, e.g. Strength score becomes Dexterity, Dexterity becomes Constitution, and so on (Charisma becomes Strength)
2. Drop six dice on the character sheet. Draw straight lines between the dice, forming an enclosed area. This is what the character has forgotten (including ability scores; treat them as 3). Any items within this area are unknown and scary to the character, and may not be used ever again (not even its kind, i.e. healing potions, coins of certain sort, etc.)
3. This depends on game system, but for D&D 5e:
1. Your "Personality traits" are now your "Flaws", and vice versa
   
2. Your "Bonds" are now your "Ideals", and vice versa
4. Drop three dice on the character sheet. Draw straight lines between the dice, forming a triangle. All words and numbers inside the triangle (even words that may have been cut-off and split into new ones) are highly sought after by the character; at least once per day one of these words must be found or encountered in some way, or the character dies on the spot. When found or encountered, cross it over on the character sheet
5. Take a blank character sheet, randomly choose another player in the group, and copy their sheet. Congratulations, you're clone now (although the character's voice will be slightly pitched up)
   
6. You turn into a beetle. Cicely will sigh, and then ignore the rest of the characters, as she starts packing up her things, getting ready to leave yet again. The beetle will join the other bugs, and follow Cicely wherever she goes.
   

Château Vampyr

 

My daughter provided this list of possible names for a vampire:

1. Vampyro
2. Läsko
3. Blodtörstiga Köttfärssåsskallen
4. von Blodkorven
5. Huggtandsmackan
6. Korvmackan
   

A very delayed invitation

 This is a short adventure setup that's extremely untested. But most of the stuff on this blog is, so anyway.

 

The setup is: the player character's got an invitation to an old mansion. Upon arrival, the mansion seems empty, but the front door is unlocked, and there's a flickering light coming from a room further in.

That's it.

Now, there's more to it of course, known only to the DM: the invitation is really really really old, and not really for this group of characters, and it's not the only one sent out. In fact, this very delayed invitation is just one ordinary (depending on what the DM rolls below) invitation (dinner invitation perhaps) among multiple others sent over the years, by several of the previous house owners.

You know, if you just bought a nice mansion, you'd want to have people over to show it off. And the next owner was probably thinking the same, maybe hunt some deer or boar and then feast on it.

 

And the next owner was probably also thinking the same, only that one happened to worship some demonic creature from the abyss, so his invitation had a very different meaning.

And the owner after that was also a very charismatic person that wished to have a great feast, so she also sent out an invitation, but kept that little detail of the hellspawn in the basement that demanded a sacrifice to herself.

And that nice couple that bought the mansion after that, who always had those nice dinner parties that everyone wanted invitations to, who just happened to be a dividable creature from beyond our solar system that sucked people dry of blood and marrow.

And the mechanical creature with a borrowed skin that had meat hooks in the attics, were it... Well, anyway, it too sent out invitations. 

And so on, one more terrible than the other, because there's something in the walls of that old mansion that drew them there. But this was all a very long time ago.

And they all sent out invitations for great dinner parties, or Sunday tea, or whatever, and some of these invitations were extremely delayed because of the postal system - but never lost.

And so, the player characters receives one of these invitations - by chance, by accident, by fate - and they may wish to act upon it. Or not. If they don't - well, there's always a lot of other great blogs.

But if they do, and they arrive and step into that awful - somewhat abandoned - mansion, one major thing happens: every fifteen minutes, another group (at least two) of people arrive, since they also got one of these very very very old invitations. But there's a 50% risk this group has seen through the invitation - and actually embrace it. That is, they too share that diabolic/demonic/other worldly horrific craving.

(At this point in the post I was planning a drawing of the mansion, all 3D, very Ravenloft, very clickbait, very I don't know what I'm typing any more, I'm a bit tired, maybe I'll draw something in PBRUSH.EXE with this trackpad, hold on)

(nope)

(And at this point in the post I was planning to have a list of 100 invitations, and what horrific stuff the writer actually had planned, and so on - but I leave that as an exercise to the reader)

(which is you)

(if you read this far)

(are you still reading?)

A cloak of invisibility

A cloak of invisibility - but the cloak is visible.

A joke of invisibility - as long as they laugh, unseen.

Broke of invisibility - I promise man, the money's right there!

A moat of invisibility - hey let's storm this castle it looks easy enou-

A boat of invisibility - Kraken confused.

 

Avoid the mat

Why are these two wizards arguing?

1. "You know that toad you borrowed? The TOAD? You know which one I'm talking 'bout! That toad was a gift from his fey lordship HIMSELF - don't you roll your eyes, you know I'm very close to the fey lordship himself, we go a long way back, the two of us, certainly longer than YOU, dirty thief! That TOAD is needed TODAY if you DON'T MIND - what was that? You what now? You used the WHOLE toad? Are you daft? What are you brewing, poisonous health potions? Come on, just quit already, get a proper job, stop dabbling you stupid bastard! And now you own me TWO toads!"
   
2. "TWENTY FIVE METRES, IDIOT! IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE TWENTY FIVE METRES! HOW COULD YOU NOT HAVE MEASURED THE DISTANCE BEFORE YOU STARTED CONSTRUCTING YOUR BLOODY TOWER? AND WHY THE BLOODY HELL IS IT LEANING? WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND BUILDS A BLOODY LEANING TOWER? IT BLOODY LOOKS LIKE WE GOT A THING GOING ON! I DON'T ASSOCIATE WITH ANYONE! WHAT'S THAT? WHAT? FRIGHTFUL? I'M A BLOODY WARLOCK IN A BLOODY TOWER, YOU BLOODY IDIOT, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE FRIGHTFUL AND INTIMIDATING! NO I DON'T CARE FOR YOUR TOWER SHAPED LIKE A SLEEPING CAT, IT'S STUPID AND IT'S MAKING ME LOOKING STUPID TOO!"
   
3. "Gwendolyn, oh Gwendolyyyyn! Are you theeeere, you old hag? I knooooow you're listening... Do you like wyverns, dear Gwendolyn? Winged creatures, big teeth, leathery skin, much like yourself? Oh Gwendolyn, I just know you love them, seeing how much you've got in common, you old bog troll. Did you know, oh Gwendolyn, that they lay eggs? Hmm? Oh that's right, you do too, I forgot! Anyway, dear Gwendolyn, when I woke up this morning and took a stroll through my tower of magical awesomeness, can you guess what I stumbled upon? Hmm? Well I turned a corner, and lo and behold, there was such a beast - in my tower! And below it, a faintly glowing sigil, obviously a teleporter of some kind, and it was your sigil, dear Gwendolyn, I recognize the markings, so at first I was all like Oh my dear Gwendolyn how kind but surprising of you to drop by! But after having counted the creature's fangs, I realized it was one of those wyvern creatures, and not you, dear neighbour! Anyway, Gwendolyn, you stinking pile of troll waste, I just wanted to thank you for this gift - a remarkable creature indeed, unlike yourself - and let you know that I'm preparing something in return. Oh Gwendolyyyyyn, I know you can hear me...."
   
4. "Oh, this cauldron? This cauldron right here? That's bubbling and sizzling and steaming away quite happily? Oh that's my cauldron now. No, it's mine. No, you mean it used to be yours. No, it's not theft. You know why? You know w- stop talking, Fenrick, just st- No, listen to m- listen t- Stop interrupting, Fenrick. It's not yours anymore. It stopped being yours twentyfour hours ago, you know why? You kn- Stop interrupting, Fenrick. Stop it. I don't care if the other wizards can hear us, they already know what you did with that queen of the fey. Yes they do, Fenrick. Yes they- Stop interrupting. You can stay in that miserable tower of yours, a ruin, just like yourself. Yes you're a ruin, Fenr- Stop interrupting. Just stop it, everybody knows what a fool you are. You stay there in your powerless tower, and I and my cauldron will travel the world for once in this wonderful tower of independence!"
   
5. "POOPYHEAD? HEY, POOPYHEAD? MADE YOU LOOK! HA! HEY, YOU KNOW WHY YOUR WIZARD HAT IS POINTY? BECAUSE...BECAUSE...WELL IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A POOPYHEAD! NO I'M NOT ANNOYING, I'M A WIZARD, POOPYHEAD! AM TOO! AM TOO! WHY? BECAUSE MOTHER SAID SO! WHAT WAS THAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MOTHER?! YOU TAKE THAT BACK! TAKE IT BACK NOW! SEE THIS? HEY! SEE THIS WAND? TAKE IT BACK OR I'LL USE IT! YEAH I'LL TURN YOU INTO A...INTO A...I'LL TURN YOU INTO POOP, POOPYHEAD! OH DON'T PUSH IT, DON'T PUSH IT POOPYHEAD, I WILL USE IT! WILL TOO! WILL TOO! OH THAT'S IT, I'M TELLING MOM!"
   
6. "Hello dear neighbour of wizardry, please excuse me for waking you up in this late hour, for a small chat over the crystal ball. I hope I didn't disturb your sle- oh you were fast asleep, hmm? Much like the night before this? Oh I'm truly sorry, dear neighbour, you must excuse this old wizard for not remembering this, I have this urge to welcome new wizards into the neighbourhood. Oh did I already? Thrice? But surely not in this late- oh I did, you say? That's unfortunate. Well I shan't keep you up, sleep tight, ta da."
   
   "Hello dear neighbour of wizardry, please exc- Oh I'm sorry, were you asleep? No, I think you must be mistaken, I don't recollect that I called you over the crystal ball a mere hour ago? Or did I... You mustn't be mad at me, dear neighbour, I'm old and hardly remembers anything, be it first level spells or friendly welcoming calls. Absolutely, you do so, go back to sleep, I apologize aplenty. Sleep tight, ta da."
   
   "Hello dear neighbour of wiza- Now, now, there's no place for that kind of language, dear neighbour. Yes, I know what time it is, I have a summoned a clock familiar for just that cause, it's very handy and... Oh my, look at that clock, it's so very late. Yes I do understand now why you were fast asleep, I am truly sorry, dear neighbour. It's so very late, that you'd could almost call it early morning, isn't that so? I find that fascinating, the eternal struggle between night and day, don't you? Oh, you- Yes you do so, go back to sleep. Sleep tight, ta da."
   
   "Hello de- Well I must stop you right there, dear neighbour, that's not a very nice way to say 'good morning'. I may be old and have heard plenty in the way of profanities, but I'm not immune to bad language. Especially not when it's not justified! What's that now? Constant calling you? Now, now, why would I do that, dear neighbour. All night? No you must've mistaken me. Hear me out, dear neighbour: I'll look past this little incident, because I'm a firm believer of a good community, especially amongst us neighbouring wizards. It's a lost art, living alone in towers, don't you agree, hmm? You know what, dear neighbour, you go and have yourself a nice cup of something, and I'll call you back in an hour or so when you've settled down, right? Talk to you soon, ta da."

Building a wizard's tower using 1d20 and maybe some other dice

Get a pen and a paper. Start at the bottom, add a floor and named it "ENTRANCE". Then keep rolling on this table until you're happy, and the continue with the DEBT table at the bottom of this page.

(There's a winding staircase connecting all floors in the middle of the tower, unless you have a better idea.)

1. Find a die that matches the number of floors pretty good, and roll. That floor is now (roll):
   1. Sealed off. There was a breach in reality and a demonic being crawled through. The wizard had to sealed the floor by magical means, but they will only hold for another year
   2. Locked, and the wizard forgot where the key is. It’s actually in the nearest town, but since the key looks like a fountain, it decorates the town centre. The water will from the fountain will unlock the door
   3. Locked, and may only be unlocked from the inside. Someone is living in there, and doesn’t wish to come out
   4. Sealed off. What was previously a door, is now just another brick wall
   5. Occupied by a next-door wizard, who has sealed it off and made it part of her own tower using teleportation magic
   6. Undead. Everything in there is obviously undead, or decorated or made of bones and scary stuff
2. Add a floor on top. KITCHEN. Roll for state:
   1. Never used but fully equipped (pots, pans, plates, etc.). Very clean. A large, cursed knife is stuck in one of the walls
   2. Filthy; used pots and pans everywhere, stacked on top of each other. Three blue mice have taken residence here
   3. Some sort of sentient blob being is cooking food here, constantly. It eats most of it. Give it a name and an allergy
   4. Several squirrels are running around here. Kitchen is filled with twigs, nuts and leafs
   5. A giant is squeezed in here. It’s a good cook but can’t move. It doesn’t mind. Give it a name, a favourite ingredient and an allergy
   6. This kitchen serves both as a crude kitchen and a crude potion lab - it’s impossible to tell what’s food
3. Find a die that matches the number of floors pretty good, and roll (re-roll if you got a result of one). Now, combine that floor with the floor below in all ways possible; thematic and space wise
4. Add a floor on top. STUDY. Roll for major theme:
   1. Books about one-eyed witches, one-eyed frogs, and one-eyed wizards
   2. Books about famous paintings, and what hidden magic they contain
   3. Books and scrolls on top of each other, mostly about other wizards (their names crossed out multiple times)
   4. Books about common potions that somehow all requires birds as an ingredient (multiple beaks can be found in here as well)
   5. One LARGE book, the size of two cows. A children’s tale that works as a teleporter
   6. If the tower doesn’t contain a FUNGUS FARM (#19) yet, add one. This study is all about mushrooms and their effects
5. Does the tower contain a study? If yes, find the study with the lowest room number, and roll:
   1. Add a ghoul that’s walking around licking the books/things
   2. Add a ghost that’s constantly rearranging the books/things
   3. Add a ghoul and a ghost who are chasing each other
   4. Add a ghost that is constantly writing new scrolls, one per hour. 1 in 20 are magical, 1 in 6 are actually useful
   5. Add a ghoul that is constantly writing new scrolls, one per hour. Add a ghost that is constantly proofreading and correcting these scrolls, one per hour. 1 in 30 are magical and extremely potent, but very strange
   6. Roll twice on this table, re-rolling this result, and combine
6. Find a die that matches the number of floors pretty good. Roll twice and connect those two floors on the outside by means of:
   1. Wooden staircase, crude and unreliable
   2. A floating disc that constantly travels between those two in some irregular, slow pattern
   3. Clinging, green vines
   4. Copper chute (one-way slide)
   5. Twenty small birds; they’re incredibly strong. 1 in 6 chance they will drop you off somewhere else
   6. A spinning pentagram floating in mid-air; 1 in 6 chance this will teleport you somewhere dangerous
7. Add a floor on top. PRIVY CHAMBER (TOILET). This floor is projected out a bit. Roll:
   1. Add a river next to the tower. The waste from the privy falls into it. Give the river a name, and a ferry man further down with a name and a phobia that relates to flowers somehow
   2. Add a waterfall next to the tower. The waste from the privy falls into it. The waterfall seems to go on forever, and winged beasts from downstreams sometimes lands on the tower roof
   3. Some strange magic inside the privy is turning everything that goes through the toilet into different kinds of seeds. Down below on the ground, right next to the tower, all sorts of trees and flowers are growing
   4. The privy is locked. The wizard can’t remember why and doesn’t care, but suspects a cousin
   5. Exiting the privy (e.g. opening the door again) will always lead to the outside, as if stepping out of the entrence
   6. Rare spell books can be found in here, but with torn out pages
8. Add a floor on top. TELEPORTER. Roll:
   1. Salt circle on floor, but doesn’t work. There’s meat in the corner
   2. Salt circle on floor. Teleports to highest floor number
   3. Salt circle on floor. Teleports to lowest floor number
   4. Red pentagram on wall. Once per week, there’s a 5% risk/chance a horned creature steps through and sets up a nest on this floor
   5. Red pentagram on floor. Teleports to floor below, since it’s really just a trap door
   6. Silver arch in middle of floor. Teleports to another wizard’s tower, inside a closet
9. Find a die that matches the number of floors pretty good, and roll. Now add a BALCONY to that floor. If the floor number is even, it’s an open balcony, otherwise it’s a closed one
10. Add a floor on top. BEDROOM. Roll:
    1. Extremely simplistic: a bedroll on the floor. A wide beewax candle is halfway burnt on one side, and a pile of bulky books are stacked on the opposite side
    2. Several made beds are here, of different sizes, none which belongs to the wizard, who sleeps on the floor where ever she gets tired
    3. The bed is made from a large tusk, hollowed out and made “comfy”
    4. This room is empty, except when the wizard enters to sleep. Then, fifty cats enters through the window, and form a bed of sorts, allowing the wizard to sleep there. They will wake her up in the most rude way every morning
    5. The bed is just a bookshelf tipped over, shelves removed. The wizard has stitched together torn out pages to form a blanket
    6. Moss is covering the entire floor, although the furniture is still underneath somewhere. The wizard falls asleep where ever
11. Add a floor on top. LARDER. Roll 2 times:
    1. Meat of unknown origin is covering this room, hanging from hooks everywhere, some of which is still twitching
    2. Mostly fish of bright colours. 1 in 20 are of low magical potency
    3. Flour, sugar, spices. Just dry ingredients. 3 in 6 are of fey origin
    4. Jams. Small glass jars filled jam. All of low magical potency, but only 1 in 20 actually taste good
    5. Broken pottery, but no food. 1 in 6 have rune inscriptions all over them
    6. Lard, kept in clay pottery
12. BRANCH OFF. Find the floor that’s more or less in the middle of the tower, and add a passage there straight out (to the right or the left), and start a new tower there. Add only new floors to that new tower part from here on.
13. Add a floor on top. STORAGE. Roll:
    1. Tomes that lost their magic, or the lettering is too small to read
    2. Covered paintings leaning against the wall. 1 in 6 are trapped adventurers and animated
    3. Chairs, book cases, tables, etc. All broken in exactly the same way, all stolen
    4. Empty wooden barrels, stacked without reason
    5. Crystals shaped like pyramids, the size of chairs, all glowing faintly and humming
    6. Empty glass vials, in sizes ranging from a thumb to half an arm
14. Find a die that matches the number of floors pretty good, and roll. Then roll on the table below and apply to that floor:
    1. A large spider has taken residence here, spinning webs everywhere. It’s hostile. If there’s already a spider on this floor, have the new one battle the first one
    2. A wizard has occupied this floor as his own, “not so very tall” tower. He’s friendly, low level and nuts. Casts summoning spells of the woodland kind. Never leaves.
    3. A magical portal to some nearby lake can be found in the ceiling. It constantly drips, and fish rains down at least twice per day
    4. A miscast spell has made everything in here half as big
    5. There’s a mirror here that works as a portal. It will always lead to the top floor
    6. There’s a lot of barrels here, where plants and edible things are growing. A tiny cloud is circeling the ceiling, keeping everything wet and fresh
15. Add a floor on top. DISPLAY ROOM. Roll:
    1. Different types of brains in glass jars on high pedestals. Only a few seems to be of human origin
    2. Caged kitchen utensils that behavs like different types of animals (small birds, cats, lizards, etc.)
    3. Decorated mirrors, one for each floor in this tower, that shows what’s going on in there
    4. Gnarly staves, of the very old kind, suspended in mid air, hovering in place. One is chatty
    5. Metal trinkets inside small glass domes. A plaque next to each dome tells its story
    6. Pedestals scattered around the room, each holding a single coin from a now long lost empire
    7. Butterflies in cages, stacked on top of each other. 1 in 20 is of fey origin, and kept prisoner
    8. Fossils, arranged and put together using best guesses. Looks terrifying, but the wizard is proud and certain of her work
16. Does the tower have at least one balcony? Find one that hasn’t got a rope hanging from it, and add one. The rope must reach the ground. It’s alive, so give it a name and an agenda
17. Add a floor on top. EXPERIMENTS. Roll:
    1. Man-sized eggs covering the floor. Some cracked, some empty. A desk with notes and seeds in the corner
    2. Humanoid creations, children sized, built from scrap metal and old furniture. 1 in 6 reacts when approached
    3. Tomes are flying around the room. The book shelves are rebuilt to resemble trees. They crap tiny scrolls of minor magic
    4. A squirrel in a wizard hat has built what looks like a replica of the tower itself, including the surrounding area outside. It has constructed a tiny teleporter which goes outside, through which it fetches its materials
    5. Perpetual motion machines. Some small as an egg, two or three large as a horse. Water flowing, cogs turning, wooden wheels turning… It’s not obvious what they are doing, but 1 in 6 are producing magic melodies as a biproduct
    6. Devices for countering spells. All clumsy, but always works. One use, and will blow up (causes small damage to the user). Looks like nothing else
18. Does the tower contain a STORAGE? Choose another floor at random, and create a small pixie servant that’s currently moving stuff out of one floor into the storage. Give it a name and an allergy
19. Add a floor on top. FUNGUS FARM. This roll looks like a tiny forest indoors. Roll:
    1. If the tower doesn’t contain an EXPERIMENTS floor yet (#17), add one now. The mushrooms growing here are plucked and used (crucial) for the experiments
    2. The mushrooms here are edible, but alive. When they are fully grown, they pluck themselves and start running around, building stuff. Friendly but annoying. Talkative
    3. The mushrooms here are growing out trough the windows. A settlement of small pixies have taken residence here, carving houses and roads in the mushrooms
    4. Three skinny trolls are living here. They are living off the mushrooms and can see two days into the future. They are extremely friendly and mellow
    5. Extremely potent magical mushrooms if prepared properly. Word is going around, and the wizard keeps this floor tightly locked
    6. A single mushroom is growing here. It takes up the entire floor. It’s sentient and will eat anything. It attracts prey using scent. The wizard doesn’t know how to deal with it, but it’s starting to become a problem
20. Add a floor on top. LEGATION. The wizard has given up this floor for a minister from somewhere else, in exchange for goods, secrets and other juicy stuff. Roll:
    1. Representative from the fey. Not the brighest. Wears glasses without glass
    2. Representative from a tiny plane of lawful demonic creatures. Trades in lies
    3. Representative of prismatic beings, e.g. that lives in rainbows. Shortlived but have lots of coins, and easy aerial bridges when it’s raining
    4. If the tower doesn’t contain a FUNGUS FARM (#19) yet, add one. Representative of mushrooms. Trades in gossips heard from camps all around forests everywhere, but only if the wizard keeps her hands off the mushrooms in the FUNGUS FARM
    5. Representative from the plane of nightmares, a fanged, motionless shadow in a corner. Hasn’t spoken yet, but haunts the wizard in her dreams, terrifying her senseless but always with a hint of something important just before she wakes up
    6. Representative from the plane of all things metal and logical. A large metallic box, that hums, clicks and whirrs. Actually, this minister is missing a screen, but the wizard doesn’t know that, and is still waiting for an answer

DEBT TABLE
So, now you have a tower, with a certain numbers of floors. Let's see how the wizard managed to pay off this endevour:

1. Nothing to worry about, no debt here. The wizard found the tower and managed to overtake it by turning the previous owner (also a wizard) into a frog (put the frog at the top floor - it's alive and has allies looking for it)
2. The wizard built the tower using a work force of mostly undeads, conjured from a large graveyard not far from here. She dissolved the entire work force when the tower stood complete, so bones and rotting bodies are scattered all around the tower's vicinity
3. The wizard borrowed a large sum of coins from her former academic friends, with a promise that she'd pay it back in full. This was several years ago
4. The wizard formed a pact with a shadow that manifested in her dreams several years ago. The tower rose from the ground, fully built and populated, but whatever the wizard promised she hasn't kept it
5. The wizard has stolen each floor from other buildings, using an extremely powerful spell that relocates entire buildings (or, parts of them). She's wanted in as many cities and towns as there are floors in the tower
6. The tower is actually a space faring vessel, and the wizard is only here for a short visit, but she stole the vessel prior to coming here, and there's an armada out there looking for her

Cyborg no stranger than milk teeth

It's the future.

Biomechatronics are nothing new. Everyone's got one or several body parts replaced by more or less operational, mechanical, computerized parts. It's nothing new. Nobody cares.

In fact, what if the human body was expected to break down in one way or another? An eye stops functioning, a knee cap dissolves, maybe your nose falls off after sneezing too hard? And the solution to that was to just go to the doctor and have it replaced with biomechatronics; computerized prosthetic implants.

What if it was as expected as loosing your milk teeth? If you meet someone and they tell you they never lost their milk teeth you'd probably raise an eyebrow.

Things I can think of that makes this gameable:

• Who's paying for these computerized implants that everyone's expected to get?
• The government? (Hello Sweden)
• Not top-of-the-line implants, but "good enough"
• Private practice?
• Lots of options, for every price category
• "You could get it cheaper if you accept this harmless metrics collector from GoodCorp™ to be installed as well - you can definitely trust them!"
• What's the public view on people that hasn't broken down all that much?
• Not at all?? Are these considered mutants? Aliens?
• How much of the human can be replaced?
• "All we got left of grandpa is his soul. We uploaded it to this BrainPod™ last year, and sold the implants as scrap. It's very convenient, we get to choose when the speakers should be turned on!"

 
(Let me end this post by saying all this is expected to happen in a GAME CONTEXT, using IMAGINATION. It's all MADE UP. Just to be clear.)

The Badgerbrough Inquisitive, issue 66:6

(Older issues on this blog, or on the old blog: issue 2:5, issue 4:2, issue 9:6, issue 46:9)

Flag towns

Spells take up inventory space

Just a short and untested idea that's probably been hashed before, but:

Instead of keeping a separate record of what spells that are memorized, make them take up inventory space/weight equal to their level.

So if you're tracking inventory space in a grid system: level 1 spells takes up one space, level 2 spells takes up two, and so on. Or if you're counting weight, make their level equal to some logical unit like pounds.


And to end this post, here's another picture of two wizards arguing:

Don't choose your own adventure: BOOK 1 - EVIL WIZARD OF SOMETHING SOMETHING

 

~ 1 ~

 

Wanderer they call you. Bringer of wealth and bad luck. What ever truth there is in anything, the tavern in front of you will do for the night.

As you step inside, a gnarly old woman holding a glass bauble with swirling swirls inside eyes you from top to toe and is just about to give you a quest but instead you choose to walk over to the barkeep who looks bored as shite.

He eyes you from top to toe and as he's about to ask you something really cryptic and insinuating, you instead toss a knife in his shoulder due to a really good roll of your pen, and as you swing yourself swiftly across the countertop feet first knocking the poor man over and through the back wall - knife still in shoulder - you find yourself landing next to a really old map scribbled with ancient writings that for some reason holds your name. Instead of taking it, you rise to your feet again and walk out to the gnarly old woman again.

She eyes you from top to toe again (along with the rest of the establishment), and as she's about to open her mouth for the second time - swirling bauble in hand - you instead choose to run for the window and throw yourself head first, dealing minimum damage to the north-eastern part of your left knee.

Outside (again), a distant howling brings your attention to the blood red moon above. As it turns around in a unfathomable way to reveal some eldritch, unspeakable horror, ripe with adventure and fortune and more adventure, you instead choose to enter the tavern (again) through the front door (again).

As you step inside, a gnarly old woman holding a glass bauble, gives you a tired look. She raises a finger, pointing directly at you, and as she opens her mouth to hand out your quest, you instead choose to walk over to the countertop (again), where a groaning, pale barkeep tries to uphold his balance. There's a large hole in the wall behind him.

He tries to focus on you - his eyes are a bit all over the place - and as he opens his mouth to reveal the entrance to the inverted tower beneath the tavern, you choose to grab the knife stuck in his shoulder to try and pull it out.

Thanks to another great roll of the pen you instead swing the barkeep over your head as your arm completes the half circle motion, and he takes flight like a boulder tossed by a bored giant.

He lands on the gnarly old woman, who by now quite frankly is tired of your shit.

You hear a distinct cracking sound of glass breaking - the glass bauble! The swirling swirl inside is seeping out into the room, and panic ensues among the guests. A haunting voice booms out, counting backwards in an ancient accent - the end is nigh, but there is still time. An iron pot within reach, a dome to cover the doom - at least something to buy the world some more time.

Finally, at last, you choose the right action, and with iron pot in hand, galloping towards the cracked glass bauble on the floor, you suddenly die, because there was something in the starting chapter of the last book that you ate but shouldn't have, and here ends your adventure.

Go to 1 to try again.

Daisy chaining spells and attacks

This is a silly and untested idea.

But what if player's could build up to some grand finale, some kind of über powerful finishing move, but daisy chaining their spells? Maybe there's some kind of power meter, a gauge, that builds up a little bit, for every successful chain?

And how do you daisy chain spells?

Well I'm thinking, one way to do it would be to cast a spell that starts with the letter that the last cast spell ended with.

For instance: FIREBALL => LIGHT => TELEKINESIS

Each chain builds up that gauge a bit - or maybe each chain adds that spell to some bucket, that releases them all at once, when the proper word is pronounced, or decided upon, or when the chain is broken. Or record each spell level, and treat the sum as a bonus to the last spell cast that breaks the chain.

And to end this post, here's a picture of two wizards arguing:

Skull tree

Spells run through Google Translate a couple of times

1. Go to https://www.d20srd.org/indexes/spells.htm
2. Copy all spells you want - I just used those under "A" because this is a silly method and I don't want to waste my time
3. Go to https://translate.google.com
4. Paste them into the left textbox, pick "Identify language" (or whatever it's called in your browser) for the left one always
5. Choose a language you can't pronounce properly in the right selection box, translate
6. Copy the translated text and paste it into the left textbox, having Google auto-identify it
7. Repeat step 5-6 a number of times
8. Lastly, translate it into English
9. Tada

Well, in my head I pictured bullet item 9 to be more exciting than it was - probably because Google always translates to English as a middleware-language every time (or so I imagine) - but my odyssey through Finnish, Chinese, Russian, Zulu, Thai, Norwegian at least produced some interesting new spell names:

• Call the police
• Prepare weapons
• Self-correction
• Dweomer review
• Animal condition
• Let him die
• Life Guard
• Anti-dynamic field
• Hat
• Implant-resistant housing
• Aachen's eyes
• Bend lock
• Mark Oken
• Mysterious sight
• Arcane Eye, the biggest
• Compensation
• Preview
• Get up

Who are Aachen and Mark Oken? Mark Oken sounds like a 90s techno DJ from the Netherlands.

G'day Mates at the G'day Gate

Anagramming Players Handbook - Part 4: ALIGNMENT

ALIGNMENT

ELICIT HAVOC
You support or are drawn to that which bring the most destruction or desolation.


CATHODIC GOO
You support or are drawn to solutions/people that are really crappy but make things flow somehow.


AUTOCRAT LICHEN
You believe in Nature being the highest ruler, and are drawn to solutions/people that upholds that.


VIA FEW LULL
You detest quick decisions. You support or are drawn to the bureaucratic, slow moving, the "let's sleep on it" solutions.


GO AWFUL OLD
You support or are drawn to decisions taken by VERY OLD PEOPLE. The older, the better. Like, you know when their skin looks like tree bark - that's your compass in life.


A WALLET UNFURL
You are drawn to whatever people pay you to believe at the moment, but nothing's free, and that it works both ways.


LET I UNRAVEL
You do not believe anyone - everyone has a secret agenda. Even the kindest person in the world has another layer to peel, beneath which some sort of scheme is forming.


LONG READ OUT
You believe in old scriptures, written words, the longer the better, unless you have to read it yourself. Any idea that has been formalized in a orderly, cursive, written structure, is an idea you can support (though you may not have the focus to hear or remember it all, surely someone else did).


TAUTEN RULER
You support or are drawn to those that upholds principles; no grey areas, no second chances, paragraphs are there for a reason.

Anagramming Players Handbook - Part 3: CHARACTER CLASSES

CHARACTER CLASSES

CIRCLE
A religious class. A Circle lives after the following principles:

1. Keeping equal distance - the personal sphere is of utmost importance. A Circle that doesn't uphold the strict order of keeping equal distance between things is called a disc; someone who let things inside their boundary
2. Upholding an Eccentricity of Absolute Zero - that is, be like everyone else
3. No weapons of straight lines, not even thrown weapons (i.e. bow and arrow, darts, throwing knives)

I, RUDD
People of the coast, of the sea, of where ever the ground is moist and wet and at least shallow. Possess great navigational skills. Can predict the weather (if close to water). Can hold their breath for extended periods of time if submerged in water.

Characters of this class lives in clans, all sharing the same surname, which is that of a specific fish (or amphibian). They can communicate with these in their own bubbling language.


FREIGHT
Characters of this class are experts of transports and bringing stuff along. They will always find a space left in their inventory for any item smaller than a clenched fist.

In situations that demand a specific item, characters of this class will nearly always (see table below) have it in their backpack, whether or not they packed it beforehand (as long as it's smaller than a clenched fist).
If smaller than a clenched fist, the requested item will be (roll below):

1. Just the right one - exactly what we needed!
2. Just the right one - only broken beyond repair
3. Just the right one - broken and unusable, but not beyond repair
4. Almost the right one - same type, different fits
5. Almost the right one - only half as big as we needed it to be
6. Almost the right one - only inverted/mirrored/flipped/inside out

For some reason this does not include gem stones or coin. Trying to pull out a gem stone at the right situation (using the method above) will ALWAYS summon a tortoise instead.


AID PLAN
The project leader. The one of will get things done - if we only find these four or five people living very far from each other. She who knows experts in all fields - but is a master of none herself.

Characters of this class can always come up with a solution to ANY problem, but the solution always includes:

1. Other people, equal to a 1d6 roll...
2. ...all living in different parts of the country/plane (village, city, town, etc.)...
3. ...the written consent of a professor of one of the many UNIVERSITIES that train Aid Plan characters

(Sometimes, one of the required person in the first bullet will be such a professor. Happy days.)

Solving problems without a written consent will be punished by death. There is no running away from the UNIVERSITY BOUNTY HUNTERS.


GARNER
The collector. Characters of this class are often excellent tradesmen, or runs little shops with strange goods and items, bought at cheap (or, "bought") and sold for a nice profit.

Garners have no moral.

Garners are sometimes compared to dragons in that they accumulate wealth, but unlike the dragon, a Garner does not wish to hold onto things for too long - a "stale" good, however expensive, is a lost profit if never sold.


RAGE MUSIC
The bard who never inspires, but may annoy and distract their enemies. When a Rage Musician starts playing (only in combat, otherwise they can't stand music, not even a whistle), they will play fast, hard and angrily for 1d4 rounds - after which they will smash their instrument to pieces:

1. On the closest enemy - inflicting 1d6 points of damage
2. On the closest enemy - inflicting 2d6 points of damage
3. On the closest furniture
4. On the closest party member - inflicting 1d4 of damage
5. On the ground
6. On the ground - causing a shockwave that knocks everyone in a 10 feet radius to fall on their behinds

During this musical rampage they are invincible, and hardly still (they will bump into whoever).


LUST IS IN OIL
The alchemist. Addict. Give them a day, an alembic, fire, and any four ingredients, and they will produce an oil of unknown effects - unless they drink it themselves (80% risk).


HE FIT
Characters of this class are excellent burglars. Legend speaks of the Ur-He Fit, the one who needed only a keyhole.

He Fit-characters lacks any strength. They are terrible fighters.


AN ASS SIS
Another religious class, only of no real faith. They make up a faith suitable to the current situation, so that it benefits them the most.


K, MON!
Characters of this classes may only be 16 years or younger. They can't feel fear. They dismiss enemies of non-humanoid types as silly - which is actually a strange kind of magic that uses Dismissive Psionic Waves to bring insecurity and annoyance to their enemies.

They are usually really good at learning things quickly, but they have no interest in displaying these skills when they are most needed.

They have like a lot of friends.

Anagramming Players Handbook - Part 2: CHARACTER RACES

CHARACTER RACES

WAR DEVS
You gain advantage when facing problems that involves patterns, logical thinking, and pushing tiny, tiny squares in a orderly, correct sequence - BUT ONLY during combat. You cannot think without adrenaline - when out of combat, you are really dumb.

You wear glasses. You have disadvantage at all times if not. They are not magical.

You may summon thick prismatic lines from a flat, square, abysmal black, polished rock. These lines bounces around the flat surface of the polished rock for 1 round, before materializing into reality, and start bouncing round in straight lines, like rays cast FROM BEYOND THE VOID. They deal very little damage. They may mesmerize any opponent for 2 minutes.


VS. LEE
You are a mook. You are never outnumbered - you are on the opposite side, outnumbering that lone, naked-from-the-waist up person kicking her way to the top of the tower, where your leader is. BUT YOU CAN CHANGE!

You have a vast network of contacts wherever you are. You only need to do a quick nod to get into shady establishments - proven that the bouncer at the entrance has that same grim look on her face as you do.


GEM SON
You are really tough. Like, rock hard. You weigh ten times more than everyone else.

Normal weapons cannot harm you, but watch out for pickaxes.

You can never heal, and you can never die. You can only become more and more divided, into smaller parts, until your conscience is too spread out and you become of the wind (or the muddy sea bottom). So watch out for that pickaxe.


FANG HILLS
You have no parents. You are made in the dirt by the tangled roots of the trees of FANG HILL, and you long for blood.

You have two abnormal long teeth. You can unscrew these and use as tools, or for climbing a hill side, maybe even the side of FANG HILL, or for tossing them at an enemy (treat as throwing knife).


MA SHUN
You are of the race of eternal children. You have never seen grown ups, and can never understand the concept of ageing. Any humanoid older than ten is a Giant Ma Shun in your eyes.

You are very shy among non-eternal children. Unless you cover your eyes in combat, you are paralysed and cannot act. Covering your eyes lets you perceive the world in a wireframe mode. You cannot see ropes or straight lines in this mode.

Anagramming Players Handbook - Part 1: CHARACTER ABILITIES

CHARACTER ABILITIES

• St. Nth Erg - determines the character's faith in one unspecific incarnation of the saint that protects all sailors of small vessels
  
• Let In Nice Leg - determines the character's ability to sneak into establishments where she really shouldn't be allowed to
  
• Ms. Id Ow - determines the character's ability to withstand and inflict psionic pain especially targeted against the dark pleasure parts of the brain
  
• Ex Tit Dyer - determines the magnitude of strange and exotic jobs taken prior to the character's current way of life (which is that of an adventurer)
  
• To Tonic Units - determines the character's skill in potion brewery and insight into alchemical potency, especially those dealing with alcohol
  
• Archaism - determines the character's ability to deal with old history, the outdated, the no longer understood - whatever the topic. Also determines how well understood the character is (higher score, less so)

Anagramming Monster Manual - Part A

Larvae Snare It
Tiny things that strangles their victims

Anhkheg
Stupid monster that ruins a blog post.

Anti Gnat
Grotesque mosquito that injects a load of blood into your veins, for different purposes (to marinate you from the inside, to make you fluorescent, to...).

Pea
Green and mean and hideously large beings that rolls down hills and CRUSH their enemies - while still being very healthy for you.

A Bake Ex
A golem you used to date. Very aggressive.

Instead of starting in a tavern maybe just do Marvel Zombies

...where the players are infected zombies with superhuman powers and super hunger for human flesh and they just try to infect as much as possible - across the planes.

Pouch Pals

Pouch Pals always comes in pairs. They keep small pouches dangling in strings from all over their body - but mostly wrapped around their fingers.

Their sour look may give the wrong impression, but they're usually non-hostile. They never speak, so all communication is done through hand waving, pointing, nodding, grunting, the usual stuff. Pouch Pals talk to each other only through stares.

Their pouches contain all sorts of things - 50% magically in one way another, i.e. powder that summons piglets, conjures burning goat heads, very fast snails, or just goes POFF and that's it with the neighbourhood. If not magical, it will most likely be some kind of spice - cinnamon or allspice are popular.

They are not believed to be of the living, or even human.

Gamable quotes from my daughter

”This sucks out bad dreams from your brain, and turns it into food.”

”Daddy, once there was a troll, and he sneezed a forest.”

"There are Big-Kings, Middle-Kings and Little-Kings. Middle-Kings are the size of a puppy."

"I ALWAYS WANT TO BITE, BECAUSE I AM AN OLD KING"