Mechanized Ex-Baron von Spindelknochen

 

The von Spindelknochen were a strange bunch. Their favourite type of punishment were beheading (so much that they built a special type of chop-off-and-then-roll-to-a-special-moat-outside-the-castle device to speed things up, known as the Head Chopper, and then they had that problem with the necromancer that kept reanimate the skulls for her army and...but that's another story).

Where was I? Oh the von Spindelknochen, yes, strange bunch. They became even stranger when they had a visitor from the future - another von Spindelknochen it turned out, only too late, as you will see - that told all about how to prolong one's life.

Because, the visitor said, you don't really want to live through these medieval times. These dark ages.

The what now, the von Spindelknochen said.

This, the visitor said. The dark ages. Cold castles, diseases, wars, primitive ways of living. The most advanced thing you'll ever encounter in your entire life is a spoon.

A what now, the von Spindelknochen replied, because the only kitchen utensils they used were knifes since you could chop things off with those, and chopping off things were something the von Spindelknochen really liked.

Exactly! the visitor exclaimed. Five hundred years from now, humanity will travel across the planet through the skies, cutting clouds in half in large metallic, birdlike machines. Don't you want to experience that? Fast forward another five hundred years and humanity is no longer living on this planet, but on Mars, Venus - even Jupiter! And where I'm from, we've even escaped death itself.

Off with his head, the von Spindelknochen ordered, and within the second the visitor's head painted a blood red elliptic path through the air - and landed perfectly on a metallic disc - much like a tray - with small legs all round, that the visitor had brought with him apparently without anyone noticing.

The small tray started running, but the von Spindelknochen soon caught up with it (it wasn't awfully fast).

Oh the irony, the visitor's head managed to say just before the von Spindelknochen tore it off the tray and threw it out the window (and it was actually reanimated a couple of years later by that same necromancer and...but that's another story).

The tray

The tray keeps any head placed on it alive and fully functioning. It's a mechanized, Keep Aliver™-tray (with the optional Spider Legs module attached).

It was ironically invented (in the future), manufactured (in the future and also in the past after the first von Spindelknochen miraculously managed to reverse engineer it) and overly overused by the von Spindelknochen, who made a tradition - at their death beds - to chop off their own head and keep it alive on one of these discs.

The disc doesn't stop ageing though, something the first generations of von Spindelknochen learned the hard way. Though still alive, they more look like a bunch of tree stumps nowadays.

Totemfolk

Have an ugly drawing and some random ideas about this ugly drawing because I'm too tired to write something coherent.

• Every time you get resurrected, you get another head on top of any head(s) you previously had:
  
  Roll any die. If even, new head is a cyclops.
  
  Roll nearest die. If even, new head has psionic abilities.
  
  Roll furthest die. If even, it's a fish head.
  
  Roll die closest to food. If even, head speaks foreign language.
  
  Roll two dice of different sizes. If both are even, head has a constant cold (sneezes, runny nose, etc.).
  
  Roll die closest to your left hand. If even, new head shares brain with you (knows your thoughts etc.).
  
  Roll die closest to your right hand. If even, new head refuses to wear helmet.
  
  
• Totemfolk are sturdy hillfolks that are often employed as battering rams in times of sieges
  
  
• Totemfolks always speak in sentences containing exactly as many words as they have heads - no more, no less.
  
  
• Totemfolks can transform into missiles and fly to other continents. This is only true if you're currently playing in a somewhat modern campaign that mentions totemfolks and/or missiles.
  

Where is my mind? (or Who's head is this?)

There are magicks that messes with everyone's head - literally.

When caught, nothing happens (not even the slightest stomach ache).

But somewhere in the world, there's a headless being out to get you. Its head - or rather, the schematics for recreating the shape and functions and most memories - have been transferred to your DNA.

It rests there, inside you, doing nothing, until the poor headless creature comes within close range of you and the schematics activates - and you start transforming into its head. The creature will then pick up and attach its head (you), resuming business as usual.

Some explaining mechanics if you want/need that

Flow of the curse:
1. Person A is cursed
2. Random creature B loses its head
3. Creature B will start chasing after Person A (it will always know the general direction of Person A)
4. When Creature B is within range X of Person A, thing Y will happen (transformation still reversible)
5. When Creature B is within very close range of Person A, the head transformation will lock in and will complete
6. Creature B pick up its head and attaches it again
7. If Creature B is decapitated, the curse is reversed and Person A will unfold to its former self

To randomly determine what type of creature loses its head: use any random encounter table/long list of monsters you've got at hand. It may very well be another human being. Maybe not a kraken.

To determine how far away the creature is: common sense, or 1d12 days of travelling by foot.

Ranges and their effects (point 4 and 5 above): when Creature B is within 10 metres, the transformation kicks in and will not be reversible. Other than that: assuming a person has two legs, two arms, one torso and one head, render one random body part useless for every 100 meter the creature closes in (reversible), starting at a 600 metre range.

The Matryoshka Effect: however highly unlikely, there will always be a small risk that Person A, while cursed, loses his/her own head due to another person being cursed, and so on, ad infinitum.

Man-Hydras

The disturbing Man-Hydra of the eastern woodlands is the kindest creature you'll ever know. It has thirty-six heads and each one loves to listen to gossip (except the thirty-fifth, because of a hearing problem). They're all vegetarians.

All Man-Hydras lose their heads during fall, to prepare the body for the cold winter (they grow new ones during spring). The heads will fall to the ground, and while most of them doesn't survive the drop, the ones that do are sometimes found by travellers and taken care of.

The head of a Man-Hydra is somewhat larger than a normal human head. To survive, it must be fed on a daily basis.

Neglecting the head or treating it badly is considered very evil by the ones aware of these creatures. Anyone causing a head to die will automatically have a price on their head, and will be hunted.



I carried a watermelon
If taken cared of properly and treated with respect, the head of a Man-Hydra have a wide range of properties that not only lonely people appreciate (besides being good listeners). Some of them are listed below:

• Whispering a few words in the left ear. Later, when the right earlobe is pulled, the words will be repeated so loud there's a chance it will knock anyone in front of the head off their feet.
   
• Kissing it on the mouth will make the head blush. There's a 33 % risk the embarrassment will manifest as scorching heat rays shooting out of its eyes.
   
• Rubbing its cheeks will most often make it burp. The burp is harmless unless the head's been fed meat. In that case, the odour coming out of its mouth is toxic. (Feeding it meat is evil, and it will not forget this.)
   
• If both eyes are covered, the head will start to whistle. The melody charms anyone within hearing range as long as it keeps whistling.
   
• Massage, nose scratching, and hugs are vital for keeping the head happy. An unhappy head will most likely lose all its magical properties.
   
• Covering both its ears will make the head glow. This is because Man-Hydras love to listen, and the glow is a sign of sadness (it tries to attract attention, so someone will come and talk to it). This is considered mean.
   
• Bringing together several heads will make them smile at the sight of each other, and they will radiate an aura that may slightly heal anyone mortally wounded. Beware though, that they will become sad for a full day when separated again.