The oracle that knows a guy that actually knows the answer

Oracles always seem to know stuff, but give so vague answers, you just leave them wishing you'd punch them instead.

So instead of having the oracle give open-ended answers, make them always answer with a name of someone who knows.

And not like, "Oh you wish to know where the lost treasures of the reptilian conquerors are? You should ask a man with a hat about that", but rather, "Oh you wish to know where the lost treasures of the reptilian conquerors are? You should ask Johann van der Bajskorv the Third."

This person MUST know the answer, otherwise this whole thing falls apart. But there's nothing saying that they are willing to tell the answer, or are even alive.

And remember: these oracles always just answers with specific names, e.g. not where they are. That requires another question - which will be answered with...another name.

"But where can we find Johann van der Bajskorv the Third?"

"Oh you wish to know where to find Johann van der Bajskorv the Third? You should ask Little Unwin Binwin Simsalabim."

And so on.

Try it! I haven't!

Classic painting of Johann van der Bajskorv the Third, sporting his ermine short fur coat,
and hanging around his neck, "an ultra-magic" necklace (his own words).

My Secret Santicore 2014 entry: People at the bazaar!

For reasons unknown, I stumbled upon my old Secret Santicore 2014 entry - and actually, quite liked it!

And since I quite liked it, and couldn't find it here, I thought I should archive it here as well, since although the tomes of the Santicore contains multitudes of infinite wisdom, they are just exactly that; TOMES.

(And I find the font hard to read.)

The request was as follows:

Most cruel of givers, I a humble petitioner ask for a means of filling my seedy marketplace with scoundrels, villains, shifty peddlers, beggars, vagabonds, and their ilk. But not just who they are but why they are at the irreputable bazaar. The place is busy and though a person may only meet 20 people in the course of their visit, 100 people would not be unreasonable.

Thanks!

J.F.

(I never did find out who that was.)

So I naturally made a d100 table of people; roll once and read across, or roll once per column.

Of course, Blogger wasn't made for displaying tables, so I tried my best to fit it below without screwing up the AMAZING page layout (it's all just text so you should be able to just copy-paste it), you may need to scroll horizontal. But there's also a pure sheet version on Google Drive if the one below gives you trouble.

OR...just use the button below the table. It is INTERACTIVE and will DIGITALLY produce a random person for you! The mind boggles!

#	First name	Last name (1st part)	Last name (2nd part)	Business at the bazaar	Secret
1	Abgad	Knife	heart	Sells meat of unknown origin; 1 in 6 contains beneficial parasites	Been tracking the party for days
2	Ahq	Mold	ears	Sells painted pot shards as relics	Stolen identity
3	Almond	Old	daughter	Looking for ... (roll up another person)	His/her teeth are living beings; last of their kind
4	Aziri	Pocket	farer	Looking for a blood magician named ... (roll up another one)	Wanted for murder
5	Badsey	Twixt	ruse	Prizefighter; last match was against ... (roll another)	Mind reader; mute
6	Barker	Broth	brat	Wears a porcelain mask	Actually two people, one standing on the other
7	Billobi	Warring	moor	Crawls on a all four, searching for that "special" coin	Breed imps at home in his/her cellar
8	Bog	Tot	tripler	Carries a big animal cage, says s/he lost "them"	Spoils food just by touching it
9	Cag	Skar	bringer	Pickpocketing (bad at it)	Body smell is slightly toxic
10	Coo	Booth	bub	Pickpocketing (good at it)	Undead without knowing it
11	Cut	Toe	eye	Exotic fruit merchant	Can't lie (under a spell)
12	Dodger	Ash	hater	Palm reader (quack)	Can't tell the truth (under a spell)
13	Dong	Teeth	tosser	Bodyguard for ... (roll up another person)	Steals memories
14	Drutt	Prat	thrasher	Broke merchant just closing up his shop	Shrinks to pixie size during night time
15	Edma	Star	whisperer	Selling home-made maps to a newly discovered continent	Bored noble, playing "common"
16	Estra	Fear	trawler	Doomsayer (can't shut up)	Dies every full moon; reincarnated at the next
17	Eugen	Moth	mangler	Mimer (unappreciated); specializes in "death-faces"	Clothes are a parasite
18	Exo	Baby	burier	Hatter; everything's made of food	Keeps a log book at home with details about every person s/he's ever met
19	Farthington	Gob	collector	Loafer; can whistle the spell Strong Whistling	Just robbed a friend of the party
20	Father	Filth	taster	Local guard (corrupt), works in pairs (roll up another person)	Working in collusion with another merchant; steals goods to sell
21	Forlorn	Salt	mine	Fishwife	Working with the law enforcers
22	Fhf	Log	and mud	Sells love potions (1 in 6 are magically, but actual emotion is random)	Paints charms all around town; may attract pixies
23	Garga	Fart	fob	Has miniature golems (clay) for sale	Sound of voice is delayed due to excessive time travelling
24	Gloth	Piss	master	Known drunk, ignored by most	Dust collector; tries to invent a new type of golem
25	Gy	Knob	hole	Merchant of extremely tiny weapons (finger sized)	Can turn small amounts of sand into glass at will, but will lose life doing so
26	Hasten	Rot	well	Merchant of ridiculously large weapons	Wakes up every day with one prepared spell, but have no idea what it will do
27	Hog	Much	less	Trying to buy meat but cannot speak the language	Has an unhealthy affection for cats
28	Hoop	Oath	bend	Drawing symbols on the ground (manic)	Stalks ... (roll up another person)
29	Idle	Tick	blood	Sings for money (knows one song)	Has a cast iron foot (cursed by a witch ten years ago)
30	Ihmren	Palm	bleed	Looking for trouble (already got a black eye)	Actually a forgotten minor deity (forgot it him/herself)
31	Iinez	Sand	peeler	Looking for a translator; has cryptic, unreadable note found in a pot	Both hands turn into solid iron when angry; almost drowned once
32	Iridia	Marrow	son	Sells outlawed wine (or so s/he says)	Possessed by a demon; original soul lost
33	Jahaja	Hill	barrow	Lost, naked, speaks gibberish	Will start stalking party if approached
34	Jarmin	Rough	flinger	Member of Priesthood of Animals; chants by imitating animals	Levitates 1 cm above ground at all times; will die if feet touches
35	Jil	Minx	flesh	Hungover poet at it again; arms tattooed with poetry	Half-tree, half-human. Hunted. Keeps to him/herself
36	Jug	Copper	wound	Just a nobody. No teeth	Collector of shrunken human heads, still kept alive through magic
37	Kar	Dirt	widgeon	Street food; everything from the sea	All items owned/sold are cursed; something about his/her hands
38	Kendrick	Wight	craft	Street food; dogs, cats	Werehuman; turns into a different type of person at full moon
39	Koki	Troll	lord	Street food; large beetles that must be eaten alive	Fence (low-risk stuff); 1 in 4 are broken
40	Kovet	Zest	pound	Potter (not a very good one). 1 in 20 pot contains a strange note from ... (roll another)	Fence (high-risk stuff); 1 in 12 are magical; 1 in 6 are cursed
41	Lady	Kill	head	Fletcher; arrows are bent and looks more like twigs, but works anyway	Knows the way to the hidden bazaar underground
42	Laza	Bumble	fumbler	Fletcher; living arrows	His/her shadow is actually another living entity
43	Lump	Lung	bell	Sells expensive pictorial carpets; 1 in 12 is an actual dungeon map	Runs one of the many local gangs together with ... (roll up 3 more people)
44	Ly	Nose	odor	Back-of-the-hand reader; can see person's complete history	Has already stolen something minor from the party
45	Mama	Under	sung	Thimblerigger	Self-fulfilling vampire hunter; needs no real proof of person actually being a vampire
46	Maggot	Cod	wing	Portrait artist; after completing the painting, will tear it apart and shout "RUBBISH!"	Has a demon maggot infestation bubbling in his/her stomach
47	Muck	Nine	pot	Just another nobody that happens to look like your mirror image	A horn is growing from the top of his/her head (hidden under a leather cap)
48	Mildew	Fiddle	heel	Specializes in spices, lacks eyebrows	Forced to lure away children to a troll bridge just outside of town
49	Nour	Sick	pus	Crazy; acts like a stray dog; good at finding people	Gets town gossip from gargoyles
50	Nadia	Gib	fin	Boatsman; looking for a crew to sail to a newly discovered continent	Drips poison in food around the market
51	Nydd	Poor	ish	Boatsman; looking to replace his former crew that...uhm...isn't...eh..."here" anymore	The head is the only solid form on this body; rest is gas (hidden under clothes)
52	Nell	Little	letter	Gravedigger, emaciated; looking for a new shovel	Has a mechanical heart
53	Ort	Neck	rug	User of flying ointment; cats follow him/her at a distant	Can command small amounts of gravel for a short period of time
54	Ondo	Small	fry	Recruiter for Cult of the Free Flesh; looking for volunteers to sacrifice themselves	Has a treasure map tattooed on his/her body
55	Oze	Fish	drought	Hitman; offers people to hit him/her for money;	Left eyeball isn't his/hers; belongs to a witch that spies on the town
56	Pebble	Beetle	pore	Eats onions; talks about the old days and the old bazaar	Ages ten times faster than a normal human
57	Poriya	Nail	dweller	Washes hair in mud; says s/he's worth it	Pigs recognizes him/her as their true savior
58	Poppy	Sore	picker	Sells mules; looks like one, smells like one, talks like one	Astronomer; just made contact with a distant star through quartz crystals
59	Pix	Bone	caller	Tosses cabbages from a rooftop, shouting "INFIDELS!"	Heartbroken; planning the great revenge that will "show them all"
60	Qala	Rum	hoof	Town crier; mostly made-up news	Eyes and ears are detachable; used to work as a spy
61	Quinton	Gel	rib	Wears Boots of the Toddler; makes you walk like a drunk	Avatar of an avatar of an avatar of an extremely local deity (as in this street)
62	Qoo	Wet	wit	Snake charmer; plays a flute; has several bite marks in his/her face	Has the reanimated body of ... (roll another one) in his/her cellar
63	Qit	Foot	loose	Chased by ... (roll another one), claims s/he stole his/her hat	Back is covered in eyes; all but one focuses on the same thing
64	Rust	Wither	skin	Sells blessings; writes them up on the spot (two-liners that rhymes; 1 in 20 works)	Coughs copper coins
65	Razi	Maul	pine	The Herald of Unwanted Things; clothes made of trash (quite mad)	Traps people in a small handheld mirror during the full moon
66	Roulia	Herring	herder	Alchemist; can break down smaller things into salts and strange components	Worshipper of Asudem, a cult that tries to turn statues into people
67	Ruf	Iron	belly	Scryer; sells glimpses of peoples homes (1 in 12 are real)	Shadow catcher; grinds them to dust; powder can be used for reanimations
68	Sofi	Mould	pie	Scryer; sells glimpses of peoples secrets (1 in 12 are true)	Mind and body are separated each midnight for two hours as distinct entities
69	Shahab	Gar	pipe	Writer; selling his/her latest book "The Bazaar Below Us; A Child's Tale"	Runs the "Small Monster Zoo" at the hidden bazaar underground
70	Sir	Ferry	pin	Sells puff pastry that looks like snails, worms, maggots, etc.; filled	Gills; need to find water to breathe in every ten minutes
71	Scar	Sow	fey	Part of a travelling theater group (roll three more people)	Teleports five feet in random direction every time s/he farts
72	Tally	Ale	rood	Sells used capes; 1 in 12 smells of garlic	Both will perish if eye contact is made with ... (roll another one)
73	Turtle	Hem	field	Skinner; specializes in pallas's cats	Roll four more people; these five can mend into a giant once/day; this person is the only one who knows it
74	Tab	Lock	scythe	Butcher of few words; nobody seems to know what happened to the last one	King/queen on the run from tireless assassins
75	Tamaran	Thrum	mower	Will do anything for cinnamon	Can stretch arms up to three meters
76	Uma	Tall	mole	Sells intelligent crows as companions (1 in 6 isn't intelligent; 1 in 4 isn't loyal)	Produces threads of silk from his/her own body; 1 in 6 risk turns into a cocoon instead
77	Uff	Sweat	brim	Monster hunter looking for ingredients for his/her next trap	Former head of the local thieves guild; wanted by most; planning to leave town
78	Uhnfeyn	Owl	haw	Poet; shouting his/her newest piece "WHY I LOATHE ..." (roll another person)	Turns into an indestructible statue when threatened
79	Ubo	Cold	grace	Farmer, selling crops; avoids eye contact	Escaped prisoner; circle tattoo on neck s/he tries to conceal
80	Viz	Fungi	stead	Debt collector; currently looking for ... (roll three more people); will pay for aid	Has a small vial of liquid annihilation; saving it for the revolution
81	Vala	Badger	toil	Beggar; claims s/he recognizes the party; looks a bit too clean	Ventriloquist; uses it to trick people into believing they are haunted
82	Vex	Shrub	rot	Sells umbrellas made of animal skin (some works as shields)	Works together with ...; leads people away into alleys and mugs them
83	Valdibart	Rosy	ridge	Beggar; will work for food (unreliable)	Pirate captain; rest of crew are hiding in the underground bazaar
84	Wenn	At	noon	Face painter; 1 in 12 chance paint will protect as a helmet for the rest of the day	Last guardian of tiny, tiny forest world; keeps it in his/her hat
85	Winthrop	Stock	croft	Sells chickens large enough to ride on	Trying to find ... (roll another), a demon s/he summoned up and released
86	Wafa	Wall	love	Hireling; looking for work; chewing a bone	Footman of the rebellion. Waiting for a signal from ... (roll another)
87	Wheeler	Inn	house	Failed wizard selling mischievous spells (Legtripping, Hairdoundoer, Dog breath, etc.)	Cries blood, bleeds water; half-aquanoid
88	Xö	Waste	stone	Claims to be able to train anything into a war animal; sells small dogs	Has richness at the underground bazaar but forgot the way
89	Xinjiang	No	brick	Jester in exile; melancholic; torn clothes	Smuggles strange things from the underground bazaar to the surface
90	Xipe	Grey	sour	Sells clay pots that explodes on command; no eyebrows	Consumes food by absorbing its energy; two antennas folded into his/her ears
91	Xosa	Seep	cellar	Barrelmaker; shabby, bearded	Bounty hunter; looking for ... (roll another)
92	Yari	Wood	bug	Forges crude weapons from scraps (bones, hide, broken pots)	Ex-assassin; toes are actually concealed daggers that come off
93	York	Street	pugh	Sell trinkets made of fish bones/scales	Petty thief; can squeeze body into tight spaces; almost gelatinous
94	Ymn	Twine	cot	Musician; plays an instrument that seems to be almost playing itself	Ruler of his/her own plane, that's completely empty; small trinket around neck is the key
95	Yamanqa	Sty	arch	Used to work as a food taster for a far away queen	Shaman from a tiny, tiny forest world; grew out of his/her world; searching for it
96	Zan	Wee	bald	Shifts in and out of this plane at random; will pay greatly to have it stop	Bases all decisions on a roll of a die
97	Zopp	Free	ore	Claims to have been married to a bear once; lots of scar tissue; wears eye-patch; yells	Has the Devil's Dagger stuck in his/her chest; if removed, will summon 27 devils
98	Ålrick	Sea	scull	Cursed; appears as flat painting in our world	Disguised troll from the underground bazaar; a comb keeps the illusion intact
99	Älskade	Ripe	fig	Sells hallucinogenic mushrooms (1 in 30 are potent and will materialize the visions)	Has a hidden collection of ceramic cats at home; their waving paws dictates his/her life
100	Öl	Toot	hum	Sells leashes; once bought, they tether to an invisible animal	Pipe smoker; secretly smokes hair from other people to reveal their secrets (1 in 20 are true)

At day, at night

 

Orc Sheriff With Barbed Collar

 

The Everyking

THE EVERYKING

The Everyking is not a king. He just hangs around taverns and the like, sitting there with his arms steady on the bar counter as if he's ready to take off, glaring at other people, occasionally shouting "WADDAYA WANT, PEASANT?" or "BAH".

He made his crown out of crows, because he misheard a long time ago, and will remake it once a week.

He will present himself as THE EVERYKING, which doesn't mean he thinks himself as the king of everything, but rather a king for every thing you can think of, i.e. a king for bread crumbs, ants, the wind, a specific wall in your house, etc.

His throne is always located next to a bar counter, but he's a modest drinker.

He shouts, and has bad hearing (or just picks the things he wants to hear).

People tend to either ignore him completely, or laugh behind his back, and authorities in general doesn't cause him any trouble since he always pays whatever taxes they throw at him.

 

Income? His coins doesn't come from earnest work, but rather from a forgotten and well hidden underground tomb out in the woods, littered with copper. The Everyking doesn't fear them, as he is a firm believer that the ghouls and ghosts in the tomb are old servants of his - and surprisingly, they do too, because they are just as delusional as him, and will happily let him pick a couple of coins every now and then. They will protect him. The tomb is five levels deep, but the Everyking only traverses the first two, which is probably for the better since whatever lurks deeper than that doesn't share views with the upper ghosts.

Once in a while, someone will ask about the whereabouts of the Everyqueen, which will be met with a stern rebuff and something unintelligible.

Crows avoids him.

Mechanized Ex-Baron von Spindelknochen

 

The von Spindelknochen were a strange bunch. Their favourite type of punishment were beheading (so much that they built a special type of chop-off-and-then-roll-to-a-special-moat-outside-the-castle device to speed things up, known as the Head Chopper, and then they had that problem with the necromancer that kept reanimate the skulls for her army and...but that's another story).

Where was I? Oh the von Spindelknochen, yes, strange bunch. They became even stranger when they had a visitor from the future - another von Spindelknochen it turned out, only too late, as you will see - that told all about how to prolong one's life.

Because, the visitor said, you don't really want to live through these medieval times. These dark ages.

The what now, the von Spindelknochen said.

This, the visitor said. The dark ages. Cold castles, diseases, wars, primitive ways of living. The most advanced thing you'll ever encounter in your entire life is a spoon.

A what now, the von Spindelknochen replied, because the only kitchen utensils they used were knifes since you could chop things off with those, and chopping off things were something the von Spindelknochen really liked.

Exactly! the visitor exclaimed. Five hundred years from now, humanity will travel across the planet through the skies, cutting clouds in half in large metallic, birdlike machines. Don't you want to experience that? Fast forward another five hundred years and humanity is no longer living on this planet, but on Mars, Venus - even Jupiter! And where I'm from, we've even escaped death itself.

Off with his head, the von Spindelknochen ordered, and within the second the visitor's head painted a blood red elliptic path through the air - and landed perfectly on a metallic disc - much like a tray - with small legs all round, that the visitor had brought with him apparently without anyone noticing.

The small tray started running, but the von Spindelknochen soon caught up with it (it wasn't awfully fast).

Oh the irony, the visitor's head managed to say just before the von Spindelknochen tore it off the tray and threw it out the window (and it was actually reanimated a couple of years later by that same necromancer and...but that's another story).

The tray

The tray keeps any head placed on it alive and fully functioning. It's a mechanized, Keep Aliver™-tray (with the optional Spider Legs module attached).

It was ironically invented (in the future), manufactured (in the future and also in the past after the first von Spindelknochen miraculously managed to reverse engineer it) and overly overused by the von Spindelknochen, who made a tradition - at their death beds - to chop off their own head and keep it alive on one of these discs.

The disc doesn't stop ageing though, something the first generations of von Spindelknochen learned the hard way. Though still alive, they more look like a bunch of tree stumps nowadays.

The crappy life infuser

Cicely de Cairn is really bad at what she does, but at least it doesn't cost you an arm and a leg.

In short, she can bring that which is dead back to life.

But as stated above, she is really bad at it.

She used to call herself a NECROMANCER, because, she thought, she dealt with the dead and so. But then that became a bad thing, so she had to relocate, and give herself a new title.

So she started to call herself a UNDEAD UNDOER, because, she thought, she dealt with undoing death. But it turned out that attracted the wrong clientele; necromancers who regretted having created certain undead and now wished to restore those to some previous state.

The combination of having your front porch occupied by zombies, ghouls, skeletons and regretful, powerful necromancers with strange, geometric hats and short temper - and being terrible at your profession - turned out to be a tad too much for poor Cicely, so once again she had to relocate, and give herself a new title.

So she started to call herself a BAKER, just to give herself a break. That didn't last long, and left deeper scars in her consumers than those necromancers would've, so once again she relocated and gave herself a new title.

Her latest title is LIFE INFUSER. Having done at least some research, she is now certain that it won't attract the wrong type of clientele.

But, as previously stated, she is really bad at what she does. But she is kind - and will have a gathering of bugs running around her feet at all times. She doesn't have any permanent residence, and will most likely be encountered in the vicinity of any settlement.

 

Cicely de Cairn is able to resurrect that which has been dead for less than two days without any side effects - if, and only if, it is at most the size of a normal sized beetle.

Trying to resurrect anything larger than that will always result in one or more negative side effects.

 

Costs of resurrection

Cicely de Cairn is an interesting one; she doesn't know how to charge people for her services, but she do enjoy a show:

1. "Present to me within a week's time a pig dressed up in attire stolen from a noble man. Return the attire afterwards."
2. "Have a man chase you here so that I may witness it. He must be upset but not violent."
3. "Come back here in two days, but you must all have switched clothes with each other, and you must pretend we haven't met."
4. "Return with the largest egg you can find. You may only speak while the egg is in the air."
5. "Escort a family consisting of no less than three people to me. You must not educate them of your matter here beforehand. They must come willingly. Afterward, escort them back safely."
6. "When I start counting, go quickly and find yourself each a good hiding place. When I reach ten, I'll open my eyes and come looking for you. ONE..."

 

Duration of resurrection

Instant. The object rises as if been awoken from sleep. Beware: no wounds will be healed, nor will any limbs grow back.

Negative side effects

As previously stated, unless you're resurrecting a beetle or an ant, there will be negative side effects:

1. Shift all ability scores visually one step down on the character sheet, e.g. Strength score becomes Dexterity, Dexterity becomes Constitution, and so on (Charisma becomes Strength)
2. Drop six dice on the character sheet. Draw straight lines between the dice, forming an enclosed area. This is what the character has forgotten (including ability scores; treat them as 3). Any items within this area are unknown and scary to the character, and may not be used ever again (not even its kind, i.e. healing potions, coins of certain sort, etc.)
3. This depends on game system, but for D&D 5e:
1. Your "Personality traits" are now your "Flaws", and vice versa
   
2. Your "Bonds" are now your "Ideals", and vice versa
4. Drop three dice on the character sheet. Draw straight lines between the dice, forming a triangle. All words and numbers inside the triangle (even words that may have been cut-off and split into new ones) are highly sought after by the character; at least once per day one of these words must be found or encountered in some way, or the character dies on the spot. When found or encountered, cross it over on the character sheet
5. Take a blank character sheet, randomly choose another player in the group, and copy their sheet. Congratulations, you're clone now (although the character's voice will be slightly pitched up)
   
6. You turn into a beetle. Cicely will sigh, and then ignore the rest of the characters, as she starts packing up her things, getting ready to leave yet again. The beetle will join the other bugs, and follow Cicely wherever she goes.
   

Pouch Pals

Pouch Pals always comes in pairs. They keep small pouches dangling in strings from all over their body - but mostly wrapped around their fingers.

Their sour look may give the wrong impression, but they're usually non-hostile. They never speak, so all communication is done through hand waving, pointing, nodding, grunting, the usual stuff. Pouch Pals talk to each other only through stares.

Their pouches contain all sorts of things - 50% magically in one way another, i.e. powder that summons piglets, conjures burning goat heads, very fast snails, or just goes POFF and that's it with the neighbourhood. If not magical, it will most likely be some kind of spice - cinnamon or allspice are popular.

They are not believed to be of the living, or even human.

The Mourner

At the corner of Bix and Forner
there's a lady, a mourner
The eyes go on no detour
they know why they're there for
and the tears fall without fear
to the ground, a sound wet as beer
But the feelings don't adhere
the guineas they steer
and come tomorrow, there's a sorrow
completely new, the lady's said her adieu
to whoever they buried
(a lone sod, never married)
and her tears, already on the next ferry
paid by the bastard who slayed
(the irony, oh you don't say)
But that's the life of a mourner
laughed the lady at Bix and Forner

Ticks in Space (Santicore 2015 entry)

(Since I haven't seen any signs of life from the Santicore hellves yet, I thought I might as well dump my entry here on the blog)

The request I got for Santicore 2015 was:

"O Secret Santicore, what random horrors could unfortunate adventurers encounter in the darkness of space?"

And I thought, ticks of course! If you want to make your own custom tick mini for your game, just take a potato and stick some toothpicks in it (or just leave them out in the sun a a couple of days, and it'll grow its own appendices).

 

1. Celestial Tick

A celestial tick ranges in size from a small space shuttle, to that of a moon - or larger. Soft celestial ticks are attracted to magnetic fields and will harvest electricity, while hard celestial ticks are drawn to heat and will attach to anything from warp cores to smaller planets.

It’s possible to remove a celestial tick by force, at risk at infecting the host. Rumour has it that tick pirates comes from a planet infected by a vicious tick bite.

2. Tick Ambergris

When a larger celestial tick consumes something it can’t digest or doesn't want, its gastrointestinals will cover it in a thick secretion so that it can pass without harming the tick. As the ambergris leaves the tick’s body and enters space, it will harden and travel indefinitely, sometimes even protecting the unwanted thing in a forced cryosleep.

Things known to have been found in tick ambergris:

1. Lava and pieces of a volcano
2. Small space shuttle containing a crew (living but cryosleeping)
3. A mountain top
4. A smaller celestial tick (see Tick Miners below)

3. Tick Pirates

There’s a remote relative to humans in outer space that’s been successful in utilizing celestial ticks as transporation vessels, from the smaller ones as two-man shuttles, to the rumoured interstellar tick that drifts through the multiverse and houses several thousands of pirates.

On the larger ticks the pirates tend to burrow a bit into the body, to shield against the worst radiation of space.

Things possibly found on a tick pirate:

1. Spear with tip smeared in a mixture consisting of celestial tick nymphs and random droppings
2. Semi-living sextant
3. Boots made of the shell of a hard tick
4. A metallic plaque depicting the Arecibo message

4. Tick Miners

It is rumoured that tick miners are a cybernetic race aiming to regulate the efficiency of celestial ticks. Why they would do that is unknown - maybe they suffered from a planetary tick themselves, who spewed out diseases into their perfect feedback society?

Tick miners - being more robotic than organic, yet lacking a fully-fledged AI found in other parts of the multiverse - perform experiments on celestial ticks of all sizes, without hurting or killing them. At least not intentionally.

Some known augmentations/”corrections” made by tick miners:

1. Drove a planet-sized tick into a sun by increasing its heat fixation through medication
2. Constructed a life supporting exoskeleton for a tick about to die. While the tick didn’t die, the exoskeleton became sentient and soon took over, changing its role as a supporting unit to that of master controller.
3. Constructed a lattice of equally sized, smaller ticks to see if they could fill the gap after the death of one enormous celestial tick (and see if they as a “hive” had a better chance of surviving)
4. Bred a race of smaller ticks that could cover itself in its own ambergris during stressful conditions

Space crap

Crap ideas for slightly crappy drawing:

• The crew of the tiny space faring vessel El Segundo
• From left to right:
•  Doctor-bot C.A.G.A.D.A, specialized in species nobody's heard of
• Captain Mierda, secretly planning to steer the vessel into a sun
• Zurulla, has an evil left arm someone else controls (a droidstalker in a ship closeby)
• Spiderbot Diminutos Caca, contains the former captain's brain currently in hypersleep
• Current mission:
• Deliver the steel crate box they picked up on CULATO XIV to the space port orbiting waste management moon NALGAS MENOR. Note on crate reads (in space common): "PLEASE DO NOT OPEN. PLEASE DO NOT EAT. PLEASE DO NOT ANSWER."
• Selection of previous missions:
• Deliver twelve bottles of fine wine to local president Salchicha Marrón. Failed.
• Deliver several crates of extra heavy potatoes to some farmers. Successful, but the crates sounded a bit too metallic to contain potatoes, and the farmers looked a bit too armed.
• Deliver local ex-president Salchicha Marrón to safety. Failed.
• Rumour table (true or false? Roll 1d10 for the entry, and 1d20 to see if it's true or false: equal or lower = false, otherwise it's true):
1. There's a tiny, non-functional gun on board that could blast away a planet. It's missing a part.
2. Zurulla's helmet is filled with voidspace; the most empty void in the universe
3. The spiderbot can transform into a heat gun
4. The El Segundo clones every time it hypertravels; some of the clones are out to kill them
5. The mirror in the bathroom on deck 2 is actually a telehypervision, displaying a parallel universe
6. The mat in the captain's room is a creature from the planet E. STIÉRCOL II; it lives of sweat
7. The captain steers El Segundo through his feelings
8. C.A.G.A.D.A. is building a half-droid in his room. It is stealing parts from things they're supposed to deliver
9. The droidstalker controlling Zurullas left arm is the original owner of the arm; it wants it back
10. El Segundo can transform into large robot; the spiderbot works as its head when in that shape

The helpful necromancer in Bandar Karahc

There's a tavern located in the oldest parts of Bandar Karahc that houses a man by the name of Musahhar abd al-Baith. He keeps to himself in "his" corner of the establishment with his bottles and decoctions; potions he sells to weary travelers. He's always polite and friendly if approached.

He used to be called "the trickster" some 400 years ago, a nickname now forgotten but still relevant.

Musahhar has in his possession the dagger Ahya. Its blade, when sunken into a dead body, acts like a portal that lets an unholy spirit slip into the flesh and possess it for an unseen future. Striking a living creature with the dagger will exorcise the life essence and turn it into a restless, vengeful spirit; the body will start decaying as normal but cannot be used for possession (spirits call these bodies for "tainted vessels").

If a person asks him for help, but cannot afford any of his potions, Musahhar will gladly offer healing for free. Slowly whispering the word sudad over and over again into their ear, any life threatening injuries will heal up, all traces of poison will vanish, and all weariness will disappear.
    As life returns to the poor person, all hope will quickly disappear as he or she realizes that the helpful necromancer just placed them under a spell. As Musahhar hands over the conceiled dagger (wrapped in leather), the cursed person immediately knows what has to be done: within a week, he or she must stab a corpse with the weapon, and bring a spirit into this world.

If the spell is not fulfilled, Musahhar will get up and start searching for Ahya; for him, the dagger shines like a bright beacon, and this helpful necromancer has all the time in the world to go searching for his blade.

(Original drawing found at Telecanter's. Poorly photomanipulated by yours truly.)

The contagious healer

There's a involuntary hermit hiding in the mountain range, silently creeping and crawling the crags. Through his eyes and hands leaks the power of healing; a simple touch or gaze or phrase makes the pain go away, though he cannot restore the loss of something once cut off - a lesson learned when they took his tongue (later sold as the relic Unsung).

The Blood Connoisseur

Oh please, sit, sit!

Don't you lift your finger, not even a bit!

A guest is at his best

when he's served, oh how absurd!

I forgot our cheese!

And crackers! Oh, please,

not to mention, two glasses of red!

Hm, what was that you said?

Pimbleman's Cut?

Oh sweetie surely you're jok-...oh you're not...

That was...a different take,

on, one may say, this toxic some drink today

Just feels like a waste

of tongue and taste...

Oh, listen to me, old and sour!

Hope my warm hospitality didn't turn into a cold shower!

But, you know what? To hell

with crackers and cheese!

I'll taste your Pimbleman, to have you be at ease!

But after that, I will spoil your tongue

with a wine that makes you feel vivid and strong

and we'll dance in this moonlit salon!

Don't be alarmed, miss, but when I kiss

I may just nibble a bit...

Feline plague doctor

• Believes cats carries diseases
• Wears a porcelain mask and priest robes
• Wears red leather gloves
• Wields a long staff with an iron, hollow head on one end, that contains catnip and belladonna. Touching cats with the staff is believed to neutralize the disease for half a day
• Killing a cat is forbidden, as it will release the disease - it is better for it to be contained within the cat and neutralized
• Prays twice a day by repeatedly saying gatto morbus conrigo, and purring
• Never removes its mask, which is why most people suspect they're only part human

Short note to self: the flesh of zombies

What if zombiism were a disease that made you...

1. Slow as a turtle
2. Afraid of people
3. Tough as granite
4. Naturally long lived
5. Hunted for your flesh as it's believed it can cure diseases when digested

These zombies would eventually look like half-eaten corpses as people would try to chip of pieces of "medicine" from your body.

The trapped ex-lich

Background
Everybody knows of the Ruler of the Undead and Unholy, the lich of the west. The king that rules from his necrotic land of walking corpses, reanimates and ghastly horrors. Something as simple as touching the rotting ground with your feet may result in death, or worse. That's why you'd take the long way around.

One day, a fat pigeon takes flight from the mouldy green castle placed in the centre of the land - high seat of the undead king. It heads directly in the direction of the nearest larger settlement, with a carefully folded letter tied around one of its fat legs.

A furry, one-eyed bone behemoth watches the pigeon disappear into the horizon. Birds make great stew, the behemoth thinks before returning to its black cauldron of unmentionable flesh.


The letter

To you: have you ever rescued a trapped KING? Follow the directions of the map. Find me, get me out and to SAFETY, and I'll REWARD you greatly. But HURRY!

The rest of the small letter is covered with a crude but surprisingly accurate map of the undead land, with notable land markings and suggested short cuts ("purple pit = good hiding place", "bone behemoth patrols here and here", etc.).




Potential hooks

• The players stumble upon the oversized, dead pigeon on the side of the road. It has a letter tied around one of its legs. Animals avoid the pigeon because of its necrotic state.
• The pigeon finally loses it and starts attacking the party until it is killed, revealing the letter. A brain parasite changed its otherwise friendly nature.
• The pigeon is taken and eaten by a farmer's cat, letter and all. During the night, the cat is affected by magic residue left on the pigeons body, rendering it hairless the morning after. The cat is later taken by an eagle, and fed to its chick, who after the feast loses all its feathers.Two days later it falls out of the nest, hitting one of the players.
  Examining the little bird reveals that the left wing holds the letter, while the right wing holds the map, very much like a tattoo.
  (yes, this one is pretty far fetched...)

So what's the deal with this guy
Before turning into a king of all things undead, George William was a bored nobleman living in the city. He spent his days dabbling with potion making and torturing vermin.

One late evening, after losing a bet to his drunken friends, George William swallowed down a strange concoct of past days experiments, turning him into a powerful but undead version of himself: the Ruler of the Undead and Unholy, the lich of the west.

Not being recognized any more, he fled and took refuge in a deserted piece of land no one seemed to care about. Over the course of the following hundred years, he slowly shaped it into his own liking of death and decay. The undead inhabitants of his new kingdom were bred from captured farmers forced to drink his experiments.

He built his green castle and surrounded himself with strange beasts to protect him. He was untouchable, like a baby in a cradle of bone.

But one morning, the king of the undead awoke to a mirror reflection he hadn't seen in years. He had reverted back to his former self; a normal, pale 17 year old nobleman with blonde hair. He even got his pimples back.

But now he was stuck in a necrotic land inhabited by hollow monsters, that lived to serve and protect the green castle where their beloved frightful ruler up until yesterday lived.

Poor, haunted Frank Jr.

Setup
Frank Jr. lives in an old apartment in the city. The last couple of days, he's been desperately seeking after someone that can rid his home of the poltergeists that haunts and taunts him verbally on a daily basis.


Frank Jr.
Frank is a tiny man, living in the middle class area of the city. He tend to blend in with the surroundings. He has a red scar on his forehead, probably after bumping his head. He has no recollection of it though.

Overall, he gives a rather confused impression.


Inside the apartment
Frank Jr.'s home is crammed with old, oversized furniture and horrible oil paintings ("that's my aunty Genna - and yes, she did enjoy eating irregularly"). Most people find it hard to breathe in there.

Poor old Frank Jr. will give anyone willing to help him a tour around the apartment. The poltergeists' voices can be heard anywhere from the floor to the ceiling throughout the apartment; the paintings, the old night stand or even little candles. They never manifest physically though. It's about three or four voices.


So what's the deal with this guy
Frank Jr. worked as a full time ventriloquist, before moving to the city and getting a "real" job. One week ago, he tripped over one of his fat rugs and hit his head against the kitchen table, and passed out.

When he woke up, everything about his former talent was wiped out from his memory, although his body hadn't forgotten.

Anyone paying close attention to poor old Frank Jr. while the "poltergeists" are speaking through the paintings and whatnot, might spot his lips not being completely still. He is in fact doing all the voices, although not to his own knowledge.

Helping Frank Jr. exorcise the evil spirits will be a hard task.