AD&D Monster Manual as haiku (part 3 - C)

CAMEL, Wild

Fifty percent risk
Wet shot of blinding
Bodily fluid


CARRION CRAWLER

Handy flesh hoover
My game is death and decay
Mmm, what's rotting dear?


CATOBLEPAS

I asked her out, she
said "No redeeming features!"
Nobody loves me


CATTLE, Wild

I'm Steve the Stampede
I'll fucking run over you
You better run son


CENTAUR

Here, have a man bag
The ladies dig it, you know?
Because I'm worth it


CENTIPEDE, Giant

THE ANGER, THE RUSH,
THE BITE, THE POISON, THE CRUSH
Yeah, no real danger


CEREBRAL PARASITE

Sorry I was blind
You are always on my mind
So happy you're mine


CHIMERA

Destruction in thirds
Palette of death, a dire choice
Let me see the goat


COCKATRICE

Beatrice the Cock
She had a masonry touch
But hey, that beak though


COUATL

Speak all, listen none
Psionically aware
Cook til very rare


CRAB, Giant

Enlarge the mundane
is not the answer, rather
transpose A and R


CRAYFISH, Giant

Cherax Destructor!
Snip snap clip clap crash hi-hat
Cherax Destructor!


CROCODILE

Great wall of China
here comes, some slow, all stupid
Gently smiling jaws

AD&D Monster Manual as haiku (part 2 - B)

Here's the next part. Ah B, I was looking forward to the beholder, but it was the baluchitherium that surprised me.

Yes, this series is probably mostly useless, but they are fun to write, although this entry took longer than I expected. WAY longer.

------------------------

BABOON

one half pacifist
one half indeterminism
red ass waves goodbye


BADGER

you dig like a sow
do you even work out, brock?
your pelt looks like felt


BALUCHITHERIUM

LOOKING FOR: LOST HORN
I WILL TRAMPLE YOU FOR IT
ASK FOR "NOT RHINO"


BARRACUDA

bowman not needed
undersea ferocity
salt water arrow


BASILISK

little dragon king
you shun your own reflection
no glasses for you


BEAR

boring encounter
forests, or a grizzly cave
give papa a hug


BEAVER, Giant

this entry feels like
a predictable scene from
National Lampoon


BEETLE, Giant

hungry moving house
elemental or common
we gather feces


BEHOLDER

polyphemus, lo!
here be your galatea
twelve pupils of death


BLACK PUDDING

foul crevice seeker
no paper could collect you
darkest giant snot


BLINK DOG

daddy the pup's gone!
no wait it came back, hey pup!
no wait! oh fuck this


BOAR

pig of the sounder
juvenile, only older
everyone knows pig


BRAIN MOLE

malignant nevus
of the poor psionics mind
unbiunium


BROWNIE

handy half halfling
how is your very short sword
not just a dagger?


BUFFALO

illustrated cow
body, sepia world map
head, dark thunderstorm


BUGBEAR

just a hairy man
it is, really: goblin men
wrong taxonomy


BULETTE

monster à la carte
worcestershire demon hot sauce
damn you mad wizard


BULL

they squeezed this one in
an entry worthy its name
beware page filler

AD&D Monster Manual as haiku (part 1 - A)

I got this idea after misreading a post of  the most excellent Luka Rejec, where his words describing his drawing almost felt haiku-like.

Alright, before we start, the haiku I'll try to write are going to be bastard versions of a real haiku: that is, I'll only count syllables. Haiku poets around the world be hating.

And I'll use the AD&D 1e monster manual, because that's the only monster manual I got.

Alright, let's start with the first part.

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AERIAL SERVANT

anger management
could save the both of us, dear
mage hand is better


ANHKHEG

dirt shark fights dirty
a secret crush on farmers
acidic love spit


ANT, Giant

off with her head man
why don't you remember my
name - I guess she does


APE, (Gorilla)

swedish pun, begone
silly walk as silly talk
seven sunclad days


APE, Carnivorous

human barbecue
larger stronger better me
sign language for all


AXE BEAK

my clean cuts, sleek kills
dust clouds shadows escape path
need to lay an egg