Feb 25, 2019

AD&D Monster Manual as haiku (part 3 - C)

CAMEL, Wild

Fifty percent risk
Wet shot of blinding
Bodily fluid


CARRION CRAWLER

Handy flesh hoover
My game is death and decay
Mmm, what's rotting dear?


CATOBLEPAS

I asked her out, she
said "No redeeming features!"
Nobody loves me


CATTLE, Wild

I'm Steve the Stampede
I'll fucking run over you
You better run son


CENTAUR

Here, have a man bag
The ladies dig it, you know?
Because I'm worth it


CENTIPEDE, Giant

THE ANGER, THE RUSH,
THE BITE, THE POISON, THE CRUSH
Yeah, no real danger


CEREBRAL PARASITE

Sorry I was blind
You are always on my mind
So happy you're mine


CHIMERA

Destruction in thirds
Palette of death, a dire choice
Let me see the goat


COCKATRICE

Beatrice the Cock
She had a masonry touch
But hey, that beak though


COUATL

Speak all, listen none
Psionically aware
Cook til very rare


CRAB, Giant

Enlarge the mundane
is not the answer, rather
transpose A and R


CRAYFISH, Giant

Cherax Destructor!
Snip snap clip clap crash hi-hat
Cherax Destructor!


CROCODILE

Great wall of China
here comes, some slow, all stupid
Gently smiling jaws


8 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. I'm not sure about that, but I'm having a mildly fun time writing these!

      Delete
  2. Bravo! I started but ran dry after three.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! Well I'm only on C and that's taken me two years...

      Delete
  3. I LOVE these and pointed some people towards this series on my podcast this week.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I listened to the episode earlier today, it's weird hearing your words being read by someone else.

      (And for future readers, this is the podcast Jeremy is talking about: https://frothsofdnd.blogspot.com/2019/02/humpday-bog-o-rama-22719.html)

      Delete
  4. I heard about these on Jeremy's podcast and really like them. You inspired me to write one for Demogorgon:

    I may have two heads
    But fuck you, Stranger Things kids:
    There's only one me

    ReplyDelete