The Mauler
The Mauler is some kind of superhero villain. He wears an ABBA t-shirt ironically. He suffers from a badly drawn left shoulder, and a too heavy sledgehammer (his primary weapon).
He's always angry because he feeds on teen angst.
The OTHER spell components
You all know Verbal, Somatic and Material. Meet their cousins:
- Mansplaining: you must spend 1d4 rounds explaining to the spell's target IN DETAIL everything there is to know about the spell; WHO researched it first, WHEN, WHY, HOW MANY OF YOUR FRIENDS are casting it, the list of OTHER SPELLS you considered casting before settling on this one, how many TIMES you've cast this spell, and why WOMEN can't cast it properly even though they surely will TRY to
- Staging: you must spend 1d6 rounds preparing and rehearsing the spell. EVERYONE - friend or foe - needs to be involved, but remember this: YOU are the director, the grand visionary, the only one who TRULY knows how the spell will play out. Of COURSE there will be an audience at opening night (another 2d20 rounds spent looking for people). Great, you all wait here will I go and break down in my trailer
- Vegan: this fireball you just cast at me, it doesn't quite...well you know, it looks like a fireball, but there's something...like, here...something about the texture...yeah yeah it's hurting all right, but it's not...the heat is not like anything I've...you don't say...no I did not know about unethical heat extraction of the multiverse...I will consider that in my next life
Monster Manual doodles
Yes I know the Baalroch is supposed to be a bull with wings, but I'm thinking maybe it's time for crocodile-faced Baalrochs now.
Klagg and Puff, part 2
As the Tower of Impossible Heights descended through the atmosphere, penetrating the purple clouds, it was as the planet awoke rudely, searching in panic for that little mosquito bearing doom, and the continents formed an iris that locked on to the technologically impossible space faring vessel.
UNWANTED, the planet erupted deep in its core.
"What a wonderful place," Klagg said and pressed her head against one of the round windows. "I don't think we've been here before, have we dear?"
Puff didn't answer, but she didn't have to. This wasn't a conversation.
"And look at that, you won't believe me dear, but it feels like we're flying into an eye!" As the word left her mouth, she hesitated and pulled back from the window. "Oh dear."
Puff finished unbuttoning her robe in silence, and left it to rest over the gnarly seat.
"Oh dear. I recognize it now. Oh dear. I know you, planet."
Klagg extended her unspeakable arm, and gently tapped on the window glass with her hideous so called finger nail.
Tap.
Tap tap.
Tap tap tap.
Tap-tap tap-tap tap-tap.
Tap-tap-tap TAP-TAP-TAP TAP-TA-
"Oh stop it!" Puff bellowed.
"Sorry."
"I don't know why you are so wound up," Puff said and pulled out a box from a rip in space next to her. "It's my arm that gets sliced."
"I know dear, but - "
"But what?"
"It's the sound, dear." Puff said, and managed to constrain herself from tapping the window. "You know, from your mouth." She circled her own with a rotting finger.
Klagg sighed, and hid the box in the exposed tissues of her body.
"The sound is the whole purpose of the cut," Klagg said, and continued with an arm raised: "Now dear, lead me to the Beast That Answer To No Known Sound, for I am not certain my legs will carry me, and if I fall, I know that I -"
"Oh spare me," Puff interrupted, taking Klagg's arm and leading them both through the main exit vortex on the wall; The Tower of Impossible Heights had successfully landed on the planet, and the beast awaited.
UNWANTED, the planet erupted deep in its core.
"What a wonderful place," Klagg said and pressed her head against one of the round windows. "I don't think we've been here before, have we dear?"
Puff didn't answer, but she didn't have to. This wasn't a conversation.
"And look at that, you won't believe me dear, but it feels like we're flying into an eye!" As the word left her mouth, she hesitated and pulled back from the window. "Oh dear."
Puff finished unbuttoning her robe in silence, and left it to rest over the gnarly seat.
"Oh dear. I recognize it now. Oh dear. I know you, planet."
Klagg extended her unspeakable arm, and gently tapped on the window glass with her hideous so called finger nail.
Tap.
Tap tap.
Tap tap tap.
Tap-tap tap-tap tap-tap.
Tap-tap-tap TAP-TAP-TAP TAP-TA-
"Oh stop it!" Puff bellowed.
"Sorry."
"I don't know why you are so wound up," Puff said and pulled out a box from a rip in space next to her. "It's my arm that gets sliced."
"I know dear, but - "
"But what?"
"It's the sound, dear." Puff said, and managed to constrain herself from tapping the window. "You know, from your mouth." She circled her own with a rotting finger.
Klagg sighed, and hid the box in the exposed tissues of her body.
"The sound is the whole purpose of the cut," Klagg said, and continued with an arm raised: "Now dear, lead me to the Beast That Answer To No Known Sound, for I am not certain my legs will carry me, and if I fall, I know that I -"
"Oh spare me," Puff interrupted, taking Klagg's arm and leading them both through the main exit vortex on the wall; The Tower of Impossible Heights had successfully landed on the planet, and the beast awaited.
The Compleat Spell Book of A Moon Shaped Pool
BURN THE WITCH
The caster must first decide on a target, a person.
The components of this spell includes a tavern, a table and a bucket of cow blood. The caster must whisper the spell into the bucket and then paint a cross onto the door of the house of the unknowing target. The paint will fade immediately, sucked up by the wood. Leave some blood in the bucket.
During the next night, the caster must start some loose talk around a table in a tavern, spreading rumours of said target.
Next time the sun sets, the witch known as Burn will rise from the bucket, clad in dripping red, and obey the caster until sun rises again (treat as powerful magic-user). Burn will then return to the bucket and transform into cow blood again.
This procedure will repeat forever as long as the bucket is whole, and the target lives, with the exception that Burn will not obey the caster the following nights, but she may act friendly towards him/her (or at least give the impression that she is still friendly).
The target will be in a paralysed state when Burn roams, but will share memories with her each time she returns to the bucket.
Burn hates flowers.
The spell Identikit is a side-effect of casting this spell.
DAYDREAMING
Makes the target believe it's night time when they're awake, and that they're dreaming during the day. That is, when they're sleeping, they think they're awake and that's night all the time, and when they're awake, they think they are dreaming about the day.
It's a rather complicated spell, don't use it, the wizard who came up with this spell did a crappy job writing it down, probably daydreaming about something else.
DECKS DARK
Camouflages a boat, but only during the night.
When sun rises, the boat is black as obsidian, and the surface feels artificial. Everyone who's heard of this spell (sailors most likely) knows you did something naughty last night, like getting past someone.
The boat has also turned into a otherworldly beacon for star sailing entities commonly called Ostoch Tomatmacka. They like brains, and not in the intellectual way.
DESERT ISLAND DISK
Works just like Tenser's Floating Disk, only you need to target a small island. The island will take flight and follow you, trying to land on top of you, unless you successfully give the impression of not knowing it is there.
FUL STOP
Counterspell.
May only be cast as a reaction when someone targets you with a spell.
You may put one punctuation per your character level anywhere in the spell's name or description to alter its effect.
GLASS EYES
Two glass eyes will come rolling, and will follow you around. Forever.
Breaking a glass eye (they are pretty fragile, so stepping on them is sufficient) will release a random spell at a random target - and summon two new glass eyes, who also will follow you around.
IDENTIKIT
Prerequisite: the witch Burn must have been summoned, but not necessarily but the caster of this spell
3d8 tiny (doll sized) humanoids will spring forth from whereever, most likely coming running over a hill.
Their faces are blank, and they're out stealing facial expressions from anything with a face (animals included); an eye there, an ear here, a moustache perhaps. Don't forget the eyebrows.
They're always running.
When all dolls have faces, they will go looking for the witch Burn, whom they will try to defeat with their bare hands. Burn will call for aid from whoever summoned her in the first place (using magic charms).
Where a doll dies, a red poppy will blossom the next day.
THE NUMBERS
You may use any number on your character sheet instead of the result of a dice roll (even after rolling), but that property on the sheet must be treated as its lowest score until next session (e.g. next time your gaming group gets together and play).
For instance, failing a dice roll, you cast this spell and decide to use your strength score instead (succeeding the roll, hopefully). But your strength is now 1 until next gaming session.
PRESENT TENSE
All your senses goes straight up to eleven, your muscles working overtime, your brain is rearranging itself into a matrix of solutions, your eyes are almost popping out so that they can get a nice 360 degree field of view.
For a minute, all your attributes are maxed out. If you need to roll a die, pick the largest one found on the table. You shout when you whisper, and scream when you talk.
When the minute has passed, you revert back to your own self. But all this tension that surrounded you for a short while has left a gaping, sucking vacuum that needs to be filled right now - and it will pull something from the future into the present to balance it all out.
Roll on this table to determine how far into the future the thing is from, along with special qualities (either 1d6 once and read across, or roll twice and read once from each column):
TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SAILOR RICH MAN POOR MAN BEGGAR MAN THIEF
Cast upon any reasonable sized hole to turn it into a one-way portal.
To determine where it leads to, roll 1d8 on the following table and use your imagination to fit the theme (some suggestions provided):
TRUE LOVE WAITS
This spell is actually misspelled; it's true form is TRUE LOVE WEIGHTS (it was transcribed by a drunkard).
In this true form, it will decide - in pounds - how much affection a person has for you.
Which is a pretty boring spell, so it was actually intentionally misheard and mistranslated by another drunkard (her sister, actually) into TRUE LOVE WIGHTS. In this form, several undead entities fly around and cast charms on random people, revealing their innermost desire as a clear symbol above their head.
Which is a pretty chaotic spell, so a third drunkard (their cousin) rewrote it completely into GRUE LOVE BAITS, which just turns people into big kebab skewers.
The caster must first decide on a target, a person.
The components of this spell includes a tavern, a table and a bucket of cow blood. The caster must whisper the spell into the bucket and then paint a cross onto the door of the house of the unknowing target. The paint will fade immediately, sucked up by the wood. Leave some blood in the bucket.
During the next night, the caster must start some loose talk around a table in a tavern, spreading rumours of said target.
Next time the sun sets, the witch known as Burn will rise from the bucket, clad in dripping red, and obey the caster until sun rises again (treat as powerful magic-user). Burn will then return to the bucket and transform into cow blood again.
This procedure will repeat forever as long as the bucket is whole, and the target lives, with the exception that Burn will not obey the caster the following nights, but she may act friendly towards him/her (or at least give the impression that she is still friendly).
The target will be in a paralysed state when Burn roams, but will share memories with her each time she returns to the bucket.
Burn hates flowers.
The spell Identikit is a side-effect of casting this spell.
DAYDREAMING
Makes the target believe it's night time when they're awake, and that they're dreaming during the day. That is, when they're sleeping, they think they're awake and that's night all the time, and when they're awake, they think they are dreaming about the day.
It's a rather complicated spell, don't use it, the wizard who came up with this spell did a crappy job writing it down, probably daydreaming about something else.
DECKS DARK
Camouflages a boat, but only during the night.
When sun rises, the boat is black as obsidian, and the surface feels artificial. Everyone who's heard of this spell (sailors most likely) knows you did something naughty last night, like getting past someone.
The boat has also turned into a otherworldly beacon for star sailing entities commonly called Ostoch Tomatmacka. They like brains, and not in the intellectual way.
DESERT ISLAND DISK
Works just like Tenser's Floating Disk, only you need to target a small island. The island will take flight and follow you, trying to land on top of you, unless you successfully give the impression of not knowing it is there.
FUL STOP
Counterspell.
May only be cast as a reaction when someone targets you with a spell.
You may put one punctuation per your character level anywhere in the spell's name or description to alter its effect.
GLASS EYES
Two glass eyes will come rolling, and will follow you around. Forever.
Breaking a glass eye (they are pretty fragile, so stepping on them is sufficient) will release a random spell at a random target - and summon two new glass eyes, who also will follow you around.
IDENTIKIT
Prerequisite: the witch Burn must have been summoned, but not necessarily but the caster of this spell
3d8 tiny (doll sized) humanoids will spring forth from whereever, most likely coming running over a hill.
Their faces are blank, and they're out stealing facial expressions from anything with a face (animals included); an eye there, an ear here, a moustache perhaps. Don't forget the eyebrows.
They're always running.
When all dolls have faces, they will go looking for the witch Burn, whom they will try to defeat with their bare hands. Burn will call for aid from whoever summoned her in the first place (using magic charms).
Where a doll dies, a red poppy will blossom the next day.
THE NUMBERS
You may use any number on your character sheet instead of the result of a dice roll (even after rolling), but that property on the sheet must be treated as its lowest score until next session (e.g. next time your gaming group gets together and play).
For instance, failing a dice roll, you cast this spell and decide to use your strength score instead (succeeding the roll, hopefully). But your strength is now 1 until next gaming session.
PRESENT TENSE
All your senses goes straight up to eleven, your muscles working overtime, your brain is rearranging itself into a matrix of solutions, your eyes are almost popping out so that they can get a nice 360 degree field of view.
For a minute, all your attributes are maxed out. If you need to roll a die, pick the largest one found on the table. You shout when you whisper, and scream when you talk.
When the minute has passed, you revert back to your own self. But all this tension that surrounded you for a short while has left a gaping, sucking vacuum that needs to be filled right now - and it will pull something from the future into the present to balance it all out.
Roll on this table to determine how far into the future the thing is from, along with special qualities (either 1d6 once and read across, or roll twice and read once from each column):
| # | How far | Special |
| 1 | 1 minute | Person, connected to current quest, friendly |
| 2 | 1 year | Person, connected to current quest, hostile |
| 3 | 100 years | Great ruler, related to one PC, upset |
| 4 | 2k years | Unknown monster, related to one PC |
| 5 | 100k years | Any player's former dead character (resurrected in the future), asking about a whale |
| 6 | 2 hours from before the universe collapses | An almost dead whale, carved with runes |
TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SAILOR RICH MAN POOR MAN BEGGAR MAN THIEF
Cast upon any reasonable sized hole to turn it into a one-way portal.
To determine where it leads to, roll 1d8 on the following table and use your imagination to fit the theme (some suggestions provided):
- TINKER: blacksmith; armoury
- TAILOR: fancy shop
- SOLDIER: garrison; city under siege
- SAILOR: port (in a fish barrel); aboard a vessel far away from land
- RICH MAN: underneath a noble person's bed
- POOR MAN: outhouse next to a pub; almshouse
- BEGGER MAN: next to a person begging for their life
- THIEF: prison cell; hideout; tax collector's office
TRUE LOVE WAITS
This spell is actually misspelled; it's true form is TRUE LOVE WEIGHTS (it was transcribed by a drunkard).
In this true form, it will decide - in pounds - how much affection a person has for you.
Which is a pretty boring spell, so it was actually intentionally misheard and mistranslated by another drunkard (her sister, actually) into TRUE LOVE WIGHTS. In this form, several undead entities fly around and cast charms on random people, revealing their innermost desire as a clear symbol above their head.
Which is a pretty chaotic spell, so a third drunkard (their cousin) rewrote it completely into GRUE LOVE BAITS, which just turns people into big kebab skewers.
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