Oct 15, 2018

The Mauler

The Mauler is some kind of superhero villain. He wears an ABBA t-shirt ironically. He suffers from a badly drawn left shoulder, and a too heavy sledgehammer (his primary weapon).
He's always angry because he feeds on teen angst.

Aug 26, 2018

The OTHER spell components

You all know Verbal, Somatic and Material. Meet their cousins:

  1. Mansplaining: you must spend 1d4 rounds explaining to the spell's target IN DETAIL everything there is to know about the spell; WHO researched it first, WHEN, WHY, HOW MANY OF YOUR FRIENDS are casting it, the list of OTHER SPELLS you considered casting before settling on this one, how many TIMES you've cast this spell, and why WOMEN can't cast it properly even though they surely will TRY to
  2. Staging: you must spend 1d6 rounds preparing and rehearsing the spell. EVERYONE - friend or foe - needs to be involved, but remember this: YOU are the director, the grand visionary, the only one who TRULY knows how the spell will play out. Of COURSE there will be an audience at opening night (another 2d20 rounds spent looking for people). Great, you all wait here will I go and break down in my trailer
  3. Vegan: this fireball you just cast at me, it doesn't quite...well you know, it looks like a fireball, but there's something...like, here...something about the texture...yeah yeah it's hurting all right, but it's not...the heat is not like anything I've...you don't say...no I did not know about unethical heat extraction of the multiverse...I will consider that in my next life

Aug 12, 2018

Monster Manual doodles

Yes I know the Baalroch is supposed to be a bull with wings, but I'm thinking maybe it's time for crocodile-faced Baalrochs now.

Jul 5, 2018

Klagg and Puff, part 2

As the Tower of Impossible Heights descended through the atmosphere, penetrating the purple clouds, it was as the planet awoke rudely, searching in panic for that little mosquito bearing doom, and the continents formed an iris that locked on to the technologically impossible space faring vessel.

UNWANTED, the planet erupted deep in its core.

"What a wonderful place," Klagg said and pressed her head against one of the round windows. "I don't think we've been here before, have we dear?"

Puff didn't answer, but she didn't have to. This wasn't a conversation.

"And look at that, you won't believe me dear, but it feels like we're flying into an eye!" As the word left her mouth, she hesitated and pulled back from the window. "Oh dear."

Puff finished unbuttoning her robe in silence, and left it to rest over the gnarly seat.

"Oh dear. I recognize it now. Oh dear. I know you, planet."

Klagg extended her unspeakable arm, and gently tapped on the window glass with her hideous so called finger nail.


Tap tap.

Tap tap tap.

Tap-tap tap-tap tap-tap.

Tap-tap-tap TAP-TAP-TAP TAP-TA-

"Oh stop it!" Puff bellowed.


"I don't know why you are so wound up," Puff said and pulled out a box from a rip in space next to her. "It's my arm that gets sliced."

"I know dear, but - "

"But what?"

"It's the sound, dear." Puff said, and managed to constrain herself from tapping the window. "You know, from your mouth." She circled her own with a rotting finger.

Klagg sighed, and hid the box in the exposed tissues of her body.

"The sound is the whole purpose of the cut," Klagg said, and continued with an arm raised: "Now dear, lead me to the Beast That Answer To No Known Sound, for I am not certain my legs will carry me, and if I fall, I know that I -"

"Oh spare me," Puff interrupted, taking Klagg's arm and leading them both through the main exit vortex on the wall; The Tower of Impossible Heights had successfully landed on the planet, and the beast awaited.

May 15, 2018

The Compleat Spell Book of A Moon Shaped Pool

The caster must first decide on a target, a person.

The components of this spell includes a tavern, a table and a bucket of cow blood. The caster must whisper the spell into the bucket and then paint a cross onto the door of the house of the unknowing target. The paint will fade immediately, sucked up by the wood. Leave some blood in the bucket.

During the next night, the caster must start some loose talk around a table in a tavern, spreading rumours of said target.

Next time the sun sets, the witch known as Burn will rise from the bucket, clad in dripping red, and obey the caster until sun rises again (treat as powerful magic-user). Burn will then return to the bucket and transform into cow blood again.

This procedure will repeat forever as long as the bucket is whole, and the target lives, with the exception that Burn will not obey the caster the following nights, but she may act friendly towards him/her (or at least give the impression that she is still friendly).

The target will be in a paralysed state when Burn roams, but will share memories with her each time she returns to the bucket.

Burn hates flowers.

The spell Identikit is a side-effect of casting this spell.

Makes the target believe it's night time when they're awake, and that they're dreaming during the day. That is, when they're sleeping, they think they're awake and that's night all the time, and when they're awake, they think they are dreaming about the day.

It's a rather complicated spell, don't use it, the wizard who came up with this spell did a crappy job writing it down, probably daydreaming about something else.

Camouflages a boat, but only during the night.

When sun rises, the boat is black as obsidian, and the surface feels artificial. Everyone who's heard of this spell (sailors most likely) knows you did something naughty last night, like getting past someone.

The boat has also turned into a otherworldly beacon for star sailing entities commonly called Ostoch Tomatmacka. They like brains, and not in the intellectual way.

Works just like Tenser's Floating Disk, only you need to target a small island. The island will take flight and follow you, trying to land on top of you, unless you successfully give the impression of not knowing it is there.


May only be cast as a reaction when someone targets you with a spell.

You may put one punctuation per your character level anywhere in the spell's name or description to alter its effect.

Two glass eyes will come rolling, and will follow you around. Forever.

Breaking a glass eye (they are pretty fragile, so stepping on them is sufficient) will release a random spell at a random target - and summon two new glass eyes, who also will follow you around.

Prerequisite: the witch Burn must have been summoned, but not necessarily but the caster of this spell

3d8 tiny (doll sized) humanoids will spring forth from whereever, most likely coming running over a hill.

Their faces are blank, and they're out stealing facial expressions from anything with a face (animals included); an eye there, an ear here, a moustache perhaps. Don't forget the eyebrows.

They're always running.

When all dolls have faces, they will go looking for the witch Burn, whom they will try to defeat with their bare hands. Burn will call for aid from whoever summoned her in the first place (using magic charms).

Where a doll dies, a red poppy will blossom the next day.

You may use any number on your character sheet instead of the result of a dice roll (even after rolling), but that property on the sheet must be treated as its lowest score until next session (e.g. next time your gaming group gets together and play).

For instance, failing a dice roll, you cast this spell and decide to use your strength score instead (succeeding the roll, hopefully). But your strength is now 1 until next gaming session.

All your senses goes straight up to eleven, your muscles working overtime, your brain is rearranging itself into a matrix of solutions, your eyes are almost popping out so that they can get a nice 360 degree field of view.

For a minute, all your attributes are maxed out. If you need to roll a die, pick the largest one found on the table. You shout when you whisper, and scream when you talk.

When the minute has passed, you revert back to your own self. But all this tension that surrounded you for a short while has left a gaping, sucking vacuum that needs to be filled right now - and it will pull something from the future into the present to balance it all out.

Roll on this table to determine how far into the future the thing is from, along with special qualities (either 1d6 once and read across, or roll twice and read once from each column):

#How farSpecial
11 minutePerson, connected to current quest, friendly
21 yearPerson, connected to current quest, hostile
3100 yearsGreat ruler, related to one PC, upset
42k yearsUnknown monster, related to one PC
5100k yearsAny player's former dead character (resurrected in the future), asking about a whale
62 hours from before the universe collapsesAn almost dead whale, carved with runes

Cast upon any reasonable sized hole to turn it into a one-way portal.

To determine where it leads to, roll 1d8 on the following table and use your imagination to fit the theme (some suggestions provided):

  1. TINKER: blacksmith; armoury
  2. TAILOR: fancy shop
  3. SOLDIER: garrison; city under siege
  4. SAILOR: port (in a fish barrel); aboard a vessel far away from land
  5. RICH MAN: underneath a noble person's bed
  6. POOR MAN: outhouse next to a pub; almshouse
  7. BEGGER MAN: next to a person begging for their life
  8. THIEF: prison cell; hideout; tax collector's office

This spell is actually misspelled; it's true form is TRUE LOVE WEIGHTS (it was transcribed by a drunkard).

In this true form, it will decide - in pounds - how much affection a person has for you.

Which is a pretty boring spell, so it was actually intentionally misheard and mistranslated by another drunkard (her sister, actually) into TRUE LOVE WIGHTS. In this form, several undead entities fly around and cast charms on random people, revealing their innermost desire as a clear symbol above their head.

Which is a pretty chaotic spell, so a third drunkard (their cousin) rewrote it completely into GRUE LOVE BAITS, which just turns people into big kebab skewers.

Regardless of experience points, you may only level up...

  1. Dancing on a rooftop
  2. Holding a bouquet of at least seven different flowers (and then tasting a petal of each)
  3. Riding a winged evil, holding on to its ears
  4. Failing a jump across a great chasm
  5. Starting a false rumour, and be able to hear again from someone else
  6. Circling a goblin three times
  7. Making a public announcement that discredits you in a town square 
  8. Crawling under a pig twice
  9. Singing in a prison cell
  10. During a siege
  11. Steal something and return it the next day - unnoticed
  12. Successfully impersonating a noble person and fooling at least two

May 14, 2018

PuterPlane (an extremely tiny setting): STACKSPACE

  • STACKSPACE is the area between the planets (like normal space)
  • It's also kind of an entity that likes to keep track of whoever floats around in it
  • You may always enter STACKSPACE, but to leave either...
    • You must be the last being who entered
    • Or everyone who entered before you must first leave, in proper order
  • The CORRECT ORDER OF THINGS is a large list readable by all beings in STACKSPACE
    • It can be downloaded through the waves at 5918.43 MHz
    • Lists beings (and their whereabouts) that need to leave before you
      • Since it gives away locations, it's a popular tool to use by bounty hunters
  • OVERFLOWING STACKSPACE occurs when too many beings enter STACKSPACE, and it can't keep track of them all
    • The OVERFLOW causes ALL beings to be flushed onto any random planet in the being's proximity, thus emptying STACKSPACE completely
    • Rumour has it that it's possible to enter STACKSPACE during the small window of an OVERFLOW
      • You still take up space, but you may leave at any time
      • Leaving in this way (improperly, out-of-order) causes noticeable fragmentation ("holes") of the void
        • When fragmentation is too high, the COLLECTOR will arrive and:
          1. Lock down STACKSPACE (unable to enter or leave)
          2. Spend time hunting down beings currently in STACKSPACE, and put them in a neat line
          3. When the COLLECTOR feels like the job is done, it will unlock STACKSPACE and flush the neat line onto the nearest planet/sun
  • Beings who die in STACKSPACE are still counted for; they too must "leave"
    • A few blaster shots most likely takes care of this

Feb 16, 2018

Pocketmod: SPÄJS

Sometimes I do pocketmods. They look like crap most of the time but they're fun to make.

And I'll try to upload three versions each time; raw, slightly cleaned-up and transparent.

First out is SPÄJS!

No, I don't know what the numbers represent.

Yes, it folds differently from what the pocketmod folding video shows. Maybe that's an improvement, maybe I was taught wrong, maybe it's a conspiracy.


(And folding instructions for pocketmods can be found here.)

UPDATE: I've uploaded them to Google Drive in a folder that will keep expanding, since it's impossible to direct-link to the original images from here (where are they???).

Slightly cleaned-up



Jan 4, 2018

Klagg and Puff, part 1

Klagg and Puff stood on a balcony, high up in the air, and watched the world around them burn.

"It's hotter than expected," Klagg said and opened up her robe a bit, revealing a tiny slice of death and decay.

"I believe that's actually what their names mean," Puff answered, her sole eye following floating ash debris passing by.

"Whose? Those?" Klagg asked and tilted her head towards the inferno far below them. There, entities consisting of nothing but swords, smoke and eyes, chased whatever remotely living, cutting them in half, before exploding in a splash of acid blood.

"No, no, not them, that's a -" Puff transferred a nine by nine matrix of symbols telepathically to Klagg.

"Oh," Klagg said surprised. "Oh. Oh! Oh, I feel so silly now, all this time I've been calling them -" Another matrix, different symbols.

"You did not!"

"Just last night, talking to their commander."

A choir of screams cut short reached the balcony; a furry of smoke and swords had just exploded, leaving a trail of twitching heads.

"That's just rude," Puff said, shaking her head. "You should feel ashamed."

"I do, I do," Klagg said concerned. "Do you think they'll forgive me? Oh silly old me, I should just keep quiet."

Puff shook her head.

"Anyway," she said. "Anyway. What were we talking about again?"

"I don't know, dear," Klagg said, her voice still anxious. "Destroying worlds always make me forget things."

"Yes, let's move on. I have other concerns I wish to discuss with you, regarding the annihilation we've been conducting for the past twelve millennia."

Puff turned around and left the balcony with firm steps, only stopping briefly to add: "Could you be a darling and do the lift-off, my arms hurt."

Klagg sighed at the thought of the poor commander, before raising her normally hidden limbs and forming a circle around her slender body. Without a sound, the Tower of Impossible Heights - upon which the balcony rested - took off from the ground and continued into space, leaving the poor planet to its inevitable destruction.