- "You know that toad you borrowed? The TOAD? You know which one I'm talking 'bout! That toad was a gift from his fey lordship HIMSELF - don't you roll your eyes, you know I'm very close to the fey lordship himself, we go a long way back, the two of us, certainly longer than YOU, dirty thief! That TOAD is needed TODAY if you DON'T MIND - what was that? You what now? You used the WHOLE toad? Are you daft? What are you brewing, poisonous health potions? Come on, just quit already, get a proper job, stop dabbling you stupid bastard! And now you own me TWO toads!"
- "TWENTY FIVE METRES, IDIOT! IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE TWENTY FIVE METRES! HOW COULD YOU NOT HAVE MEASURED THE DISTANCE BEFORE YOU STARTED CONSTRUCTING YOUR BLOODY TOWER? AND WHY THE BLOODY HELL IS IT LEANING? WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND BUILDS A BLOODY LEANING TOWER? IT BLOODY LOOKS LIKE WE GOT A THING GOING ON! I DON'T ASSOCIATE WITH ANYONE! WHAT'S THAT? WHAT? FRIGHTFUL? I'M A BLOODY WARLOCK IN A BLOODY TOWER, YOU BLOODY IDIOT, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE FRIGHTFUL AND INTIMIDATING! NO I DON'T CARE FOR YOUR TOWER SHAPED LIKE A SLEEPING CAT, IT'S STUPID AND IT'S MAKING ME LOOKING STUPID TOO!"
- "Gwendolyn, oh Gwendolyyyyn! Are you theeeere, you old hag? I knooooow you're listening... Do you like wyverns, dear Gwendolyn? Winged creatures, big teeth, leathery skin, much like yourself? Oh Gwendolyn, I just know you love them, seeing how much you've got in common, you old bog troll. Did you know, oh Gwendolyn, that they lay eggs? Hmm? Oh that's right, you do too, I forgot! Anyway, dear Gwendolyn, when I woke up this morning and took a stroll through my tower of magical awesomeness, can you guess what I stumbled upon? Hmm? Well I turned a corner, and lo and behold, there was such a beast - in my tower! And below it, a faintly glowing sigil, obviously a teleporter of some kind, and it was your sigil, dear Gwendolyn, I recognize the markings, so at first I was all like Oh my dear Gwendolyn how kind but surprising of you to drop by! But after having counted the creature's fangs, I realized it was one of those wyvern creatures, and not you, dear neighbour! Anyway, Gwendolyn, you stinking pile of troll waste, I just wanted to thank you for this gift - a remarkable creature indeed, unlike yourself - and let you know that I'm preparing something in return. Oh Gwendolyyyyyn, I know you can hear me...."
- "Oh, this cauldron? This cauldron right here? That's bubbling and sizzling and steaming away quite happily? Oh that's my cauldron now. No, it's mine. No, you mean it used to be yours. No, it's not theft. You know why? You know w- stop talking, Fenrick, just st- No, listen to m- listen t- Stop interrupting, Fenrick. It's not yours anymore. It stopped being yours twentyfour hours ago, you know why? You kn- Stop interrupting, Fenrick. Stop it. I don't care if the other wizards can hear us, they already know what you did with that queen of the fey. Yes they do, Fenrick. Yes they- Stop interrupting. You can stay in that miserable tower of yours, a ruin, just like yourself. Yes you're a ruin, Fenr- Stop interrupting. Just stop it, everybody knows what a fool you are. You stay there in your powerless tower, and I and my cauldron will travel the world for once in this wonderful tower of independence!"
- "POOPYHEAD? HEY, POOPYHEAD? MADE YOU LOOK! HA! HEY, YOU KNOW WHY YOUR WIZARD HAT IS POINTY? BECAUSE...BECAUSE...WELL IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A POOPYHEAD! NO I'M NOT ANNOYING, I'M A WIZARD, POOPYHEAD! AM TOO! AM TOO! WHY? BECAUSE MOTHER SAID SO! WHAT WAS THAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MOTHER?! YOU TAKE THAT BACK! TAKE IT BACK NOW! SEE THIS? HEY! SEE THIS WAND? TAKE IT BACK OR I'LL USE IT! YEAH I'LL TURN YOU INTO A...INTO A...I'LL TURN YOU INTO POOP, POOPYHEAD! OH DON'T PUSH IT, DON'T PUSH IT POOPYHEAD, I WILL USE IT! WILL TOO! WILL TOO! OH THAT'S IT, I'M TELLING MOM!"
- "Hello dear neighbour of wizardry, please excuse me for waking you up in this late hour, for a small chat over the crystal ball. I hope I didn't disturb your sle- oh you were fast asleep, hmm? Much like the night before this? Oh I'm truly sorry, dear neighbour, you must excuse this old wizard for not remembering this, I have this urge to welcome new wizards into the neighbourhood. Oh did I already? Thrice? But surely not in this late- oh I did, you say? That's unfortunate. Well I shan't keep you up, sleep tight, ta da."
"Hello dear neighbour of wizardry, please exc- Oh I'm sorry, were you asleep? No, I think you must be mistaken, I don't recollect that I called you over the crystal ball a mere hour ago? Or did I... You mustn't be mad at me, dear neighbour, I'm old and hardly remembers anything, be it first level spells or friendly welcoming calls. Absolutely, you do so, go back to sleep, I apologize aplenty. Sleep tight, ta da."
"Hello dear neighbour of wiza- Now, now, there's no place for that kind of language, dear neighbour. Yes, I know what time it is, I have a summoned a clock familiar for just that cause, it's very handy and... Oh my, look at that clock, it's so very late. Yes I do understand now why you were fast asleep, I am truly sorry, dear neighbour. It's so very late, that you'd could almost call it early morning, isn't that so? I find that fascinating, the eternal struggle between night and day, don't you? Oh, you- Yes you do so, go back to sleep. Sleep tight, ta da."
"Hello de- Well I must stop you right there, dear neighbour, that's not a very nice way to say 'good morning'. I may be old and have heard plenty in the way of profanities, but I'm not immune to bad language. Especially not when it's not justified! What's that now? Constant calling you? Now, now, why would I do that, dear neighbour. All night? No you must've mistaken me. Hear me out, dear neighbour: I'll look past this little incident, because I'm a firm believer of a good community, especially amongst us neighbouring wizards. It's a lost art, living alone in towers, don't you agree, hmm? You know what, dear neighbour, you go and have yourself a nice cup of something, and I'll call you back in an hour or so when you've settled down, right? Talk to you soon, ta da."