Carta mundi

(Labels are missing because my player will see this. Andreas, the desert city of Bandar Karahc is in the top right corner.)

(And god jul, if you celebrate that kind of thing!)

Compulsive goblin carolers

Goblins love to sing.

Or, rather, to make sounds with their throats that only differs from their usual babble in that it is more rhythmical.

So, goblins love to make sounds with their throats. During the high season of the annual common goblin cold, some are struck by another compulsive behavior: they need to spread these guttural ear diseases throughout the queendoms.

Forming a band of goblin carolers

Grab any number of dice (equal to how many carolers you want), throw them, and look up each die result below.

• Even number represents multitasking goblins: they both sing and play an instrument
• Odd number are goblins that just "sings"
• The number 1 is special: this is a goblin that is conducting the group. This goblin is thankfully mostly quiet

Instrument (even number-goblins)

Those who both sing and play an instrument, may (roll again):

1. Sing into a wooden bucket, held in front of their face, for that "special" effect
2. Hit the nearest goblins with a wooden spoon, more or least on beat
3. Play the "flute", by sticking any number of fingers into their mouth and blow
4. Play the "trumpet", by grabbing and blowing into another goblin's ear
5. Snapping their toes
6. Thrusting a sword into a pile of snow repeatedly 

The conductor

For a baton, this goblin use (roll again):

1. His long, gnarly nose
2. Two arrows tied together with a bit of string
3. A twig, too long to handle gracefully
4. Piece of goblin underwear 
5. "INVISIBLE SUPER POINTY SINGY THING!!" (nothing, but he's a great poser)
6. An animal leg, alarmingly fresh

Titles of songs they may (try) to "sing"
Roll once for each column, combine:

1	The joy of	licking	sticky trees
2	Hark, the angels are	fighting	piles of snow
3	Blessed Brood Mother, she who is	eating	people
4	Goblins sing while	gargling	loudly
5	Ugly humans,	farting	poison
6	Snow fall, start	being	hung over

These bands of goblin carolers travel the roads, sneaking up on people to perform their songs. They will sing 1d4 songs, after which they will attack their audience on sight.

A bunch of places and stuff

(UPDATE 2019-05-13: there's a recording of this blog post over at Blogs on Tape.)


The Bottomless Forest (area)
Woodlands. Tropical.
A forest where the inhabitants lives in the tree tops, since the roots are carnivorous.


Witch Wart (settlement)
Plateau. Temperate.
A small agricultural society built around a huge, yellow monolith. The big piece of rock is said to belong to a witch that sleeps in the ground. A rumbling snoring can sometimes be heard at night.


Mooncardigan Fen (area)
Marsh. Temperate.
A large marshland, named after the Mooncardigan that's said to originate from here (a dark blue piece of clothing that sedates the wielder). The people living here lives in stilt houses.


Lycanstorp (village)
Plateau. Temperate.
One large, perfectly round house, that actually contains several smaller houses. People suffering from lycanthrope comes here for a safe haven.


Archfoot (area)
Flat. Cold.
This area is covered in inverted mountains in different sizes. Tiny giants are living at the bottom.


Trollbanetorp (castle)
Woodlands. Cold.
A group of exiled goblins have taken this place as their home. They're trying to live like humans, more or less successfully. They hate trolls and cookies with raisins.


Onrecht (city)
Desert. Hot.
One of the three trade cities.
A filthy and dangerous city. Built in layers in some sort of limestone. Rainbow coloured togas are very popular. Veils that protect against the glare of a gorgon (see Mierenhoop) can be bought here, although they wither to dust at midnight.


Mierenhoop (city)
Desert. Hot.
One of the three trade cities.
Not a city for humans, since everyone living here stems directly from a line of gorgons. They're not evil or bad people, it's just that it's rather difficult to trade with someone without looking them in the eyes.


Weegschalen (city)
Desert. Hot.
One of the three trade cities.
This whole city is a big bank. Mountain Kings patrol the "streets", tearing apart any thieves they catch.


The Frostwave (area)
Desert. Arctic.
An enormous (several hundred meters) frozen wave. Rumor has it that there's a rich city at the very top, unaware of the world below it. Peeking inside the ice reveals shadowy figures.

Planet Percussion

Planet Percussion is a peculiar little planet.

It orbits the great white sun of SELWAY'S STAR.

One third of the planet's surface consists of a thick membrane, and it works much like trampoline. When this side faces away from the sun, it's pulled towards the core of the planet. When gravity's pull on the membrane diminishes, the membrane is released and great bang is produced.

Dropping things into the membrane is a popular way to shoot things into space, like rockets, waste and criminals.

Tiny helpers

A wizard may summon tiny helpers (imps) by sacrificing some of his life. Each conjured imp requires 1 hp of the wizard.

Unfortunately,  he can't control the exact amount of helpers summoned - he may only vaguely state "a few" (d4), "a bunch" (d6) or "plenty" (d8) beforehand. Roll the die in parenthesis, summon that many imps - and hope your hit points are sufficient.

When the wizard regains his health (through sleep, potions, etc.), an equal amount of imps disappears in a puff of smoke (although some have witnessed tiny explosions as well).

The base characteristics of a tiny helper are:

• Size of a very large apple
• Life: 1 hp
• Weakest armour class
• Can carry 0.5 kg
• Speaks balderdash fluently, but understands the wizard perfectly
• Leather trousers

The summoned imps have other traits as well, but those depend on when the wizard summons the helpers (effects stack):

• At full moon: gain wings and the ability to fly. No eyes though; they use click-sounds with their tongue to navigate
   
• During sunrise: only one eye, but it is twice as big, and it shines as strong as the sun
   
• After a big feast (when the wizard's full): can carry 5 kg, but they are fat and doesn't like taking orders
   
• During rainfall: can breathe underwater, but will suffocate on land (keep them in a bag of water). Excellent swimmers.
   
• On a beach: the helpers are constantly burning, so watch where they put their tiny feet
   
• In complete darkness: for some reason, they just can't keep quiet. These imps are known to be able to speak two sentences in the common tongue: "HELLO?" and "WHERE ARE YOU?"

80s one page dungeon

KEY

Entering a room: roll on room table, and so on:

1. Empty
2. Low on battery Robo-Robo-Rat
3. Self-aware Hercules monitor
4. Waste pool; static leakage from MTV
5. A sad 404-page
6. Horny laser-beams
7. Fear-droids
8. Low-res versions of the players
9. Pocket calculator that talks through its LCD-display
10. Programmable Ray-Guns (bullets are sub-routines)

The Blood Connoisseur

Oh please, sit, sit!

Don't you lift your finger, not even a bit!

A guest is at his best

when he's served, oh how absurd!

I forgot our cheese!

And crackers! Oh, please,

not to mention, two glasses of red!

Hm, what was that you said?

Pimbleman's Cut?

Oh sweetie surely you're jok-...oh you're not...

That was...a different take,

on, one may say, this toxic some drink today

Just feels like a waste

of tongue and taste...

Oh, listen to me, old and sour!

Hope my warm hospitality didn't turn into a cold shower!

But, you know what? To hell

with crackers and cheese!

I'll taste your Pimbleman, to have you be at ease!

But after that, I will spoil your tongue

with a wine that makes you feel vivid and strong

and we'll dance in this moonlit salon!

Don't be alarmed, miss, but when I kiss

I may just nibble a bit...

Peddler of imps

Imp peddlers can be found everywhere, from the filthiest, most crowded street corner, to the loneliest road beyond the mountains. But you'll only find them when you're not looking for one.

They sell imps, more precisely the short-lived, chaotic devilkins most folk don't want nothing to do with. The peddlers don't have a stock of imps, but will conjure a fresh one for each buyer (after payment, of course).

The conjured imp will obey its new master most of the time. That is all that is known to the player.

Creating the imp
The imp will live for 2d4 days.

After this, it will:

1. Start to bloat, until it drifts off like a balloon in the sky
2. Start to bloat, until it explodes (damages anyone nearby)
3. Dissipate like water
4. Turn into 2002 beetles that flies away
5. Split into two smaller copies, which will split again into smaller copies, and again, and again - until no copy is visible
6. Turn to marble
7. Living its life in reverse (backtracking its steps, etc.), down to the very summoning (which will banish it instead)
8. Become mummified over the course of 10 seconds
9. Start burning intensively
10. Head falls off - then the arms - legs - tail

But during its lifetime, it will Crave and Fear an item from the following list (roll for both):

1. The sight of blood
2. The smell of flowers
3. Heights
4. Hats
5. Repeating patterns
6. Water
7. Paths and trails
8. Lit torches
9. Its own reflection
10. Its own death

Imps are actually capable of scheming, despite common belief, but they're pretty limited. Roll on the table below to get the imp's hidden agenda:

1. When master no see me, must hide his stuff in ground
2. When moon is high, must sneak away and find wolves
3. When master and us is sneaking, must bark loud
4. When master not watch his plate, must sit on food
5. When walking, must trip master
6. When in town, sneak away, spread rumors about master
7. When see wizard, pretend to be better familiar for he
8. When sleeping, take stuff from friends and put on master
9. When sleeping, eat on master's clothes
10. When meet other imp, learn another scheme 

Use your body

1. Poisonous tongue
   Pros: May coat any weapon with a mild poison by licking on it.
   
   Cons: Must save vs. poison every meal, or risk self-poisoning
    
2. Pullnose
   Pros: May extend nose by pulling it, for a chance to gain an even more sensitive nose. Every 10 cm pulled qualifies for a 2d6-roll on the table below (and replaces any previous gained property):
   
   
   2. Detect mild poisons in food/drinks
   3. Can track a scent like a dog
   4. Finding mushrooms have never been this easy
   5. Can determine if someone's lying by their odor
   6. Nothing - nose changes color to pale blue
   7. Nothing - nose glows in the dark
   8. Nothing - nose grows another 5 cm
   9. Can smell an object and gain a bit of knowledge about it
   10. Smelling flowers reveals what type of creatures that has passed by in the last 24 hours
   11. Smelling a dead body for at least one hour to gain a memory/spell (in case of wizards)
   12. Smelling a bar stool reveals a secret about the village/town
   
   Cons: Anyone can pull (doesn't grant a roll on the table above). New nose length is permanent.
    
3. Clenching fist
   Pros: By clenching his/her fist really hard, the person produces (hopefully) liquid equal to one cup. Can do this once every hour. Roll 2d6 on the table below to see what he/her produce:
   
   
   2. Clean water
   3. Red wine
   4. Fine sand
   5. Mud
   6. Oil
   7. Blood (lose life)
   8. Ectoplasm (50% risk a ghost materializes)
   9. Water that smells of sulfur
   10. Pure poison (save vs. poison)
   11. Really bad beer
   12. Fresh, cold milk
   
   Cons: Need to make a dexterity check after each clenching. Failing means the person passes out for 1d6 hours.
    
4. Tired eyes
   Pros: By making eye contact with somebody, and then slowly blinking a couple of times, the blinker has a 5% chance to make the victim fall asleep.
   
   Cons: Save vs. constitution, or you fall asleep as well.
    
5. Bedroom eyes
   Pros: Works exactly like Tired Eyes, but instead of falling asleep, the victim will reveal any information and secrets known to them (in exchange for promises of hugs and kisses and whatnot), during the next ten minutes. When the effect ends, the victim will have a grim headache.
   
   Cons: All victims turn into stalkers after a day (5% are violent, 50% are incurable romantics and will recite poetry and bring flowers, 50% cries and posts long letters "signed with tears").
    
6. Edible beard
   Pros: The beard of this person is nutritious and satiating.
   
   Cons: It tastes awful, no matter the seasoning. Only half of the serving is digested; the other half works like a beacon for the Shadow Lurkers, gnarly creatures that grants this property to beards during the night time. The undigested beard works as stuffing, since the Shadow Lurkers believe humans needs a bit of seasoning before cooking.
   The Shadow Lurkers will try to drag away the stuffed person during the night. They can smell undigested beard in a ten mile area.

The Lair of Shub-Muggah

Mr Telecanter offered a challenge the other day: Make a one page dungeon that uses only images and visual devices. No words. No abbreviations.

My attempt at this is below. The biggest challenge for me was to keep the "visual dungeon dressing" (e.g. skulls and bones and stuff laying around) at a minimum, since I wanted to use clear symbols and icons (like ideograms) to give clues to the DM reading the map. One way to solve this I guess is to draw the DM symbols in a different colour.

And yes, drinking from the Muggah cures headaches and tired eyes.