Burrow of the Ratman, or My Feeble Attempt At Doing A 1E Rat-Themed Adventure (part 3 of 4)

(Part 1, part 2)

So, hopefully this will be last post in this "series", and we'll finally wrap things up. It's five in the morning here and I woke up two hours ago, but anyway!

(UPDATE: the previous paragraph is - yet again - a bloody lie, which you will find out at the end.)

This time we'll continue with our WHYs for questions 4-8, and we'll still use "A Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens as our main source of random lines, and I don't know why I'm writing "we'll" like this is some sort of educational text, but anyway!

1. Why the bird statue?
2. Where is the bird statue located?
3. Where are the rats?
4. Is a vampire commanding the rats?
   
5. Where is this place located?
6. Is this place old?
   
7. Why hasn't this been plundered years before?
8. Where have the previous owner(s) gone?

4. Is a vampire commanding the rats?

(637) "You must have been very slow about it, Jacob," Scrooge observed in a business-like manner, though with humility and deference.

The bird statue is, as stated in a previous question. It did it slowly, over a long period of time, convincing one rat at a time, till they finally unearthed the statue. But since the statue can't be killed easily, and only travels in mist form, and was created through shared blood (it contains half its creator's heart), I guess we can assume the statue is some sort of vampire, much like its creator.

4.1. Why is the creator of the bird statue a vampire?

(1617) The house-fronts looked black enough, and the windows blacker, contrasting with the smooth white sheet of snow upon the roofs, and with the dirtier snow upon the ground; which last deposit had been ploughed up in deep furrows by the heavy wheels of carts and waggons; furrows that crossed and recrossed each other hundreds of times where the great streets branched off; and made intricate channels, hard to trace, in the thick yellow mud and icy water.

The creator comes from a long line of vampires, a family history hard to trace, that reaches from the dirtiest city to the coldest coastline.

4.2. Why is the family history hard to trace?

(3011) "I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. [...]"

Because all vampires in that blood line are made by three different vampiric spirits; one of the past, one of the present, and one of the future. Three bites during the same night. But the bird statue's creator is the last one to be made this way.

4.3. Why is the bird statue's creator the last one to be made that way?

(1487) He gave the cap a parting squeeze, in which his hand relaxed; and had barely time to reel to bed before he sank into a heavy sleep.

Because with each new vampire to be made, the window of past, present and future vampires shifts further along the time line, and after the bird statue's creator was made, the time window shifted beyond the end of the world; the point in time from which to draw the future vampiric spirit had ceased to exist, so three bites were no longer possible.

5. Where is this place located?

(2429) But there they were in the heart of it; on 'Change, amongst the merchants; who hurried up and down, and chinked the money in their pockets, and conversed in groups, and looked at their watches, and trifled thoughtfully with their great gold seals; and so forth, as Scrooge had seen them often.

Since this "series" is called "Burrow of the Ratman", I assume the place we're looking for is the burrow itself, and it is located underneath a busy stock exchange in a big city. But it's not the place of the creator, but rather the place where he/she/it/they buried the bird statue (as stated in question 2.2.), so I guess this means that the "Ratman" in the title refers to the bird statue?

5.1. Why was the bird statue buried below a stock exchange?

(2315) "Forgive me if I am not justified in what I ask," said Scrooge, looking intently at the Spirit's robe, "but I see something strange, and not belonging to yourself, protruding from your skirts. [...]"

The stock exchange building was once the home of the vampires of this bloodline, so the bird statue's creator had access to the vaults below (e.g. not belonging to the everyday business of the stock exchange). It could mean that the creator buried the statue a long time ago - before the stock exchange was founded - or that they could somehow walk freely and undisturbed in the building.

5.2. Why are the vaults not part of the everyday business of the stock exchange?

(2030) "A place where Miners live, who labour in the bowels of the earth," returned the Spirit.

It is an archive, where all records of the stock exchange is kept. The few people working there are called Miners. The archive is in fact partially part of the vampire's old archive, so there are multiple tomes kept there that hasn't anything to do with stock exchange, locked away and/or hidden from plain sight - or just not interesting enough to be messed with.

5.3. Why are some of the tomes not interesting enough for the Miners?

(9) I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade.

What little information they might have seen through the years is just regarded as horribly outdated. It even happens that some of the not-so-locked-away tomes have been used as fireplace fuel during really cold days.

6. Is this place old?

(2885) "On which," said Bob, "for he is the pleasantest-spoken gentleman you ever heard, I told him. [...]"

Nobody wants to talk about it, it seems, because whenever the issue comes up, everyone involved will change the subject to something more pleasant.

6.1. Why doesn't anyone want to talk about how old the stock exchange building is?

(3133) "I'll send it to Bob Cratchit's," whispered Scrooge, rubbing his hands, and splitting with a laugh.

Because there's an old rumour going around, that anyone making such inquiries will be sent far away, to an unnamed place not meant for men. "Bob Cratchit" has become a code word for when you want to warn someone of speaking further of something, lest they suffer some ill fate.

6.2. Why has "Bob Cratchit" become a code word?

(1026) Suddenly a man in foreign garments: wonderfully real and distinct to look at: stood outside the window, with an axe stuck in his belt, and leading by the bridle an ass laden with wood.

Bob Cratchit was a woodworker that lived just outside town some hundred years ago. He lured away people to his cabin in the woods and made short work of them with his axe. After his death, people started using phrases such as "Be nice, or I'll send you to Bob Cratchit!".

6.3. Why did Bob Cratchit lure away people?

(2772) "If he relents," she said, amazed, "there is! Nothing is past hope, if such a miracle has happened."

Bob was making human sacrifices to a wooden idol he had carved himself. It had told him that when enough sacrifices were made, a miracle would happen.

7. Why hasn't this place been plundered years before?

(420) There was plenty of width for that, and room to spare; which is perhaps the reason why Scrooge thought he saw a locomotive hearse going on before him in the gloom.

It was believed to be haunted by strange apparatus, phantom in nature.

7.1. Why was it believed to be haunted by strange apparatus?

(1602) "Touch my robe!"

Robed and hooded folk - like the bird statue creator - had been seen entering and leaving the place for as long as anyone could remember, which led most to believe that a wizard did something to the place, like installing magical traps or steam-powered mechanical beasts.

7.2. Why would a wizard install traps or steam-powered mechanical beasts?

(1536) This idea taking full possession of his mind, he got up softly, and shuffled in his slippers to the door.

Because it is what occupies all wizards' minds: concocting potions, snaring demons, building man-machines - but not being able to dress themselves properly.

7.3. Why can't wizards dress themselves?

(2946) Indeed, the Spirit did not stay for anything, but went straight on, as to the end just now desired, until besought by Scrooge to tarry for a moment.

They are always thinking about the next step, always on the run, always out on an errand - which means they have to take some shortcuts when dealing with mundane things; like clothes.

8. Where have the previous owner(s) gone?

(2447) "God knows," said the first with a yawn.

Nobody knows - but more importantly, nobody cares!

8.1. Why doesn't anyone care about their whereabouts?

(798) "[...] It isn't possible that anything has happened to the sun, and this is twelve at noon!"

People are busy as it is, and they don't care about their whereabouts since they don't fathom that anything could've happened to them - because, why would anything happen to them.

8.2.Why are people busy as it is?

(567) "I do," replied the Ghost.

The townsfolk have much on their minds: haunted stock exchange building, stories of Bob Cratchit (or his ghost!), rat swarms at the church, a strange mist that seems to travel every full hour... Also: the town mayor is rumoured to be a ghost, probably because he is so pale.

8.3. Why is the town mayor so pale?

(14) You will, therefore, permit me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail.

Because the town mayor is indeed dead, and halfway in transit to becoming a ghost. Nobody knows this, not even himself. His death has nothing to do with the bird statue, the rats, the creator, the stock exchange, or Bob Cratchit though.

"Oh, are you still...writing this...post...ok..."

It was all - yet again - a bloody lie

This post was intended as the last in the "series", as stated in the preamble, but yet again we don't really end up with anything useful or finished. We need at least a summary for all the facts, and a summary to summarise the first summary in a more prosaic way, and also a map if we find it possible using the two first summaries, and a retrospective to spell out all our FAULTS using this technique.

I'm sorry, I'll finish it real soon, I promise.

Until then!

Burrow of the Ratman, or My Feeble Attempt At Doing A 1E Rat-Themed Adventure (part 2 of 3)

(Part 1 here.)

Happy holidays, and good continuation as we say in Sweden.

Looking back at old posts on this blog, one thing becomes clear: it's very easy to start things, but harder to finish them! So I thought I should do just that, starting with that rat themed adventure I started thinking about over a year ago, thanks to JB's contest that I suppose is finished by now.

So this post will just wrap things up, because I reckon that a finished thing is more valuable than something half-eaten (unless you're a king and you've been given a poisoned apple and your cup-bearer is off vacaying because he had saved up on his days and you yeah you get the picture).

(UPDATE: the previous paragraph is a bloody lie, which you'll find out at the end. I'm just warning you.)

A short recap

In the first post I pinned down some things that wasn't very clear to me - the AD&D mindset, rats, coins as weight, treasure, archaic language, etc. - which basically boiled down to everything. But I had two things I wanted to try:

1. Treasure in clear sight
2. The weight/value trade-off (e.g. lesser value, easier to carry, and vice versa)

 

A short recap of that ugly sketch

This was a quick and dirty and ugly sketch I did of a treasure scenario:

The idea was that the treasure is in clear sight (that bird statue thing next to the number 1), it is very valuable but extremely heavy. Some sort of deep water flow separates the treasure and the players (I assume the should enter across the water). Maybe there's a broken suspension bridge there.

In my head that's a reasonable way of thinking, maybe? It's like: hey the treasure is right there, it's not a trap (though it would be if it was DOOM 3), but you'll have a hard time transporting that across the water, and potentially out of here.

I never mentioned number two

See that two up there? Next to the vial? At the bottom-left in the picture? That was a variant on the weight/value trade off that I also was thinking of: instead of heavy and valuable, you could replace heavy with fragile, e.g. a glass vial that easily breaks, that contains something valuable.

So how to proceed

I'm thinking that I need to employ some sort of WHY-thinking here, because the scenario above doesn't make sense: why would someone put a bird statue, near impossible to carry, of that value, across a bridge, deep down somewhere - and what does it have to do with rats?

I do recall me doing some WHY-thinking in an older post...hmm...oh here it is.

(TL;DR if you don't wish to read that post: state a fact about the world, then ask "WHY is ...", take a book and look up a random sentence, interpret it as an answer, repeat.)

And since it is the season, I think I'll pick "A Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens, using random.org to give me a random line number, and so on (I've truncated the text so it doesn't contain all the Project Gutenberg preamble). Happy days. Remember, we're not trying to win a contest here, just finish what we started.

Questions nobody asked

I have some questions floating around (some from the first post) that I'd like answers to:

1. Why the bird statue?
2. Where is the bird statue located?
3. Where are the rats?
4. Is a vampire commanding the rats?
   
5. Where is this place located?
6. Is this place old?
   
7. Why hasn't this been plundered years before?
8. Where have the previous owner(s) gone?

With three or more "WHY" questions/bullet item above we're looking at at least 24 questions, which is more than enough if I want to get to bed before the new year. I'll write the line number in parenthesis after each question, followed by the quote (e.g. the complete sentence that can be found there), and a new line containing my interpretation, and so on.

Let's get started!

1. Why the bird statue?

(927) "Rise! and walk with me!"

The statue is a magical device for necromancy; it can be used to bring back the dead, turning them into equals (e.g. not blind followers).

1.1. Why does the bird statue bring back the dead?

(2519) It gave him little surprise, however; for he had been revolving in his mind a change of life, and thought and hoped he saw his new-born resolutions carried out in this.

It can only bring those back that truly felt they should have lived differently, and that they in some way even planned for it.

1.2. Why should they have lived differently?

(31) If we were not perfectly convinced that Hamlet's Father died before the play began, there would be nothing more remarkable in his taking a stroll at night, in an easterly wind, upon his own ramparts, than there would be in any other middle-aged gentleman rashly turning out after dark in a breezy spot--say St. Paul's Church-yard, for instance--literally to astonish his son's weak mind.

Because they were meant to do remarkable things, but life (and then death) got in the way. Somehow they always knew this, but couldn't put their fingers on it; a small time burglar missing out on the really big hit; a wizard thinking about that great potion she'll never brew; a paladin not getting around to ending the world.

1.3. Why couldn't they put their fingers on it?

(2250) The brisk fire of questioning to which he was exposed elicited from him that he was thinking of an animal, a live animal, rather a disagreeable animal, a savage animal, an animal that growled and grunted sometimes, and talked sometimes, and lived in London, and walked about the streets, and wasn't made a show of, and wasn't led by anybody, and didn't live in a menagerie, and was never killed in a market, and was not a horse, or an ass, or a cow, or a bull, or a tiger, or a dog, or a pig, or a cat, or a bear.

Because a being that can talk and walk but is neither man nor animal has the power to prevent such wishes.

2. Where is the bird statue located?

(2359) As the last stroke ceased to vibrate, he remembered the prediction of old Jacob Marley, and, lifting up his eyes, beheld a solemn Phantom, draped and hooded, coming like a mist along the ground towards him.

Nowhere and everywhere. Every full hour, it turns in a mist for ten minutes and travels slowly in a direction closer to its draped and hooded creator, but never reaching it.

2.1. Why does it travel closer to its creator?

(2073) They stood beside the helmsman at the wheel, the look-out in the bow, the officers who had the watch; dark, ghostly figures in their several stations; but every man among them hummed a Christmas tune, or had a Christmas thought, or spoke below his breath to his companion of some bygone Christmas-day, with homeward hopes belonging to it.

It's longing for bygone days, when it was first created, but also revenge, since it has been abandoned by its creator.

2.2. Why was it abandoned by its creator?

(500) Though he looked the phantom through and through, and saw it standing before him; though he felt the chilling influence of its death-cold eyes; and marked the very texture of the folded kerchief bound about its head and chin, which wrapper he had not observed before; he was still incredulous, and fought against his senses.

The creator saw what the bird statue could do (e.g. bring back the dead with a caveat), but didn't want to believe it, because it wasn't the effect it sought. The statue can't be destroyed, so it had to be buried, so that its creator could find peace again.

2.3. Why can't the statue be destroyed?

(3256) That was the thing he had set his heart upon.

It is a reversed soul relic, containing half its creator's heart. Being a reversed soul relic, it can't be destroyed unless its creator is destroyed first.

3. Where are the rats?

(1681) But soon the steeples called good people all to church and chapel, and away they came, flocking through the streets in their best clothes, and with their gayest faces.

A church has attracted them.

3.1. Why has the church attracted them?

(2515) He looked about in that very place for his own image, but another man stood in his accustomed corner, and, though the clock pointed to his usual time of day for being there, he saw no likeness of himself among the multitudes that poured in through the Porch.

The rats are looking for more of its own kind, but found only humans at the church.

3.2. Why are the rats looking for more of its own kind?

(3285) He had a momentary idea of knocking Scrooge down with it, holding him, and calling to the people in the court for help and a strait-waistcoat.

They are looking for help with overturning and defeating a caped and hooded being that is neither man nor animal. If they can't find more of its own kind, they will accept help from other beings, such as humans.

3.3. Why do the rats want to defeat this being?

(1901) "A merry Christmas to us all, my dears. God bless us!"

Their God - a bird statue that sometimes travels as a mist - has commanded them to kill this being, in exchange for a promise that this will set off events that will bless them for all eternity, finally bringing forth the reign of the rats.

INTERMISSION

I think we've done good work here! But are lots of information up there, and my arm hurts because I got my fourth covid-19 shot today, so I think we need to compile what we know so far.

• Why the bird statue?
• The statue is a magical device for necromancy; it can be used to bring back the dead, turning them into equals (e.g. not blind followers).
  
  
• Why does the bird statue bring back the dead?
• It can only bring those back that truly felt they should have lived differently, and that they in some way even planned for it.
  
  
• Why should they have lived differently?
• Because they were meant to do remarkable things, but life (and then death) got in the way. Somehow they always knew this, but couldn't put their fingers on it; a small time burglar missing out on the really big hit; a wizard thinking about that great potion she'll never brew; a paladin not getting around to ending the world.
  
  
• Why couldn't they put their fingers on it?
• Because a being that can talk and walk but is neither man nor animal has the power to prevent such wishes.
  
  
• Where is the bird statue located?
• Nowhere and everywhere. Every full hour, it turns in a mist for ten minutes and travels slowly in a direction closer to its draped and hooded creator, but never reaching it.
  
  
• Why does it travel closer to its creator?
• It's longing for bygone days, when it was first created, but also revenge, since it has been abandoned by its creator.
  
  
• Why was it abandoned by its creator?
• The creator saw what the bird statue could do (e.g. bring back the dead with a caveat), but didn't want to believe it, because it wasn't the effect it sought. The statue can't be destroyed, so it had to be buried, so that its creator could find peace again.
  
  
• Why can't the statue be destroyed?
• It is a reversed soul relic, containing half its creator's heart. Being a reversed soul relic, it can't be destroyed unless its creator is destroyed first.
  
  
• Where are the rats?
• A church has attracted them.
  
  
• Why has the church attracted them?
• The rats are looking for more of its own kind, but found only humans at the church.
  
  
• Why are the rats looking for more of its own kind?
• They are looking for help with overturning and defeating a caped and hooded being that is neither man nor animal. If they can't find more of its own kind, they will accept help from other beings, such as humans
  
  
• Why do the rats want to defeat this being?
• Their God - a bird statue that sometimes travels as a mist - has commanded them to kill this being, in exchange for a promise that this will set off events that will bless them for all eternity, finally bringing forth the reign of the rats.

 

So in short, we have some sort of not-man-not-animal person that creates a bird statue, that is actually a magical device. He or she or it puts half its heart in it, therefore activating its magic, hoping it will do Thing A but it actually does Thing B instead.

The not-man-not-animal person gets mad, but realises he or she or it cannot destroy this magical device without destroying themself, so they bury it instead. Not the best plan, but who am I to judge?

The bird statue, unearthed somehow (by the rats?), sets out for revenge in a sort of love-hate relationship. Although it always seems to know the bearing of its creator, it can only move for ten minutes every full hour, and then only in mist-form.

Meanwhile, a pack of rats (or more?) has been harassing local churches, hoping to find more rats (because of the "Their burrows honeycomb many graveyards, ...", and churches and churchyards, two peas in a pod and all that, and the rats put two and two together), but will settle for humans if no more of its own kind can be found BECAUSE: they want to kill this not-man-not-animal being, and they've been told this caped and hooded person/thing is NOT to be underestimated. And who told them? The bird statue.

Hmm, I'm actually liking where this is going, and its all thanks to a text written 179 years ago (and maybe my brain in some part).

 

It was all a bloody lie

Yeah, as stated in the preamble, despite being presented as a text to actually FINISH STUFF, this doesn't conclude or wrap things up at all.

I actually started to like where this is going, but it's nearly midnight here (that's also a lie, unless you round up by an hour), and I want to go to sleep, so we'll have to wrap this up next time instead.

Until then!

Wizard of Dawn and/or Bad Lightening

 

Esoteric programming languages as spells and vice versa

An esoteric programming language is a programming language that makes everything harder by design, either as a proof of concept, or just as art.

Take Whitespace for instance, which only consists of white spaces (tab, space, and line feeds), or Piet that uses bitmaps for its input. Extremely impractical, but still; people invent it, and people will use it.

What if spells were that way? I mean, everyone and their dog knows that a wizard must study tomes and prepare spells and rest well and wave their hands and utter incantations with a stern look to cast them - one would assume that that's the most practical way of learning and using spells, because everyone's doing that.

But what if there were free spirited wizards, talented but bored beyond any reasonable means, that invented harder ways of learning the same old spells? Oh you learned magic missile from a tome? I learned it by treating the white space on the page as a labyrinth and forced myself to solve it in less than fifteen seconds.

Or take the esoteric programming language Shakespeare, were everything must be formatted as plays. What if it took the wizard an entire evening in a theatre, with full cast and audience, to learn a simple spell? Or even cast it? Having the number of attendees impact the power of the spell? Or even have the spell being delayed until the first review is in, and if the reviews are positive, the spell succeeds, otherwise it backfires. Slow cooking.

One might say, my players won't use that, that's impractical. But there are lots of non-player characters in a game world, why not make one of them be an esoteric bored wizard that makes things harder for herself, not because she has to, but because she can.

OH BY THE WAY!

 

At day, at night

 

Purple Blob

 

Rat sorcerer

 

(boring remote work meetings are great for firing up PBRUSH.EXE in a separate window)

THE RUINS OF 1KM1KT

Far into the future, a landscape barren and locked meets anyone foolish enough to traverse its domain. It is a domain of technology, of structured information; a country of subdivisions, of bold red and smutty grey, bordered and contained natural language, sometimes unnoticed, sometimes not, and each walled square a Moria for those brave enough to descend, for one does not know what echoes at the end; sometimes the answer, sometimes the end.

Those scholars that remain, spread out they are, much like their minds. Their memories incoherent, shattered like a multivolume ZIP-archive spread over too many floppy diskettes; ask them about yesterday and silence shall be your forever answer. Dare you ask them about last week?

But, there is still power left in these automatons; all that is needed is the secret word, and it is the word of the Creator and the Upholder, the Unnoticed Janitor, the Maintainer and Super User. Though crucial for this domain, speaking its name annoyed it greatly, so the symbols of the secret word must be spread out, as to not attract the attention of the Super User, and it all starts with a K.

And already, as the utterance of the symbol leaves your mouth, a spark of memory lights up the automaton's eyes. The second symbol being E, and the third a repetition of that, it is almost as if the symbols transforms the automaton's very appearance; and as the fourth symbol of T is uttered and enters their positronic brains, you've managed to awoken the long forgotten, dark banana peel that is their true simian soul.

And as you shape your lips in an oval form, and push out the fifth symbol with your lungs, a hairy arm is slowly raised from the dirty, asphaltic ground, pointing into the dead, bar charted horizon, where only read only memories are to be found. A single gnarly finger points.

The final sixth symbol, that of the letter N, completes the secret word, and with a final burst of energy, the now part automaton, part simian, utters a single sentence:

"YOUR MESSAGE CONTAINS TOO FEW CHARACTERS"

Lowering its arm, it then fall silent, slowly morphing back to its previous robotic appearance. It's as if it's been Dead, and Back, and now dead again, waiting for a second coming, for a second breakfast, only richer and fatter, to Feast like Goblins, the reInCARnation of itself - but its never coming to that ever again.

Once in a moon, like a fish in a bowl, it comes back to this very same spot, and stares into the write-protected horizon for a while - before moving on.

Orc Sheriff With Barbed Collar

 

Anagramming Monster Manual - Part C

I, lewd clam

A rude type of clam that once opened, won't stop shouting naughty things. Popular at parties.

Worn lac carrier

Part tree branch, part insect, this walking stick has a resinous, glossy armour. It's friendly until you touch it, and then you're stuck and slowly become part of its resinous armour.

Capable sot

Actually tiny swarm creatures, left after burning intelligent pear tree. Can be gathered and trained. In the wild, they often go for the eyes.

Lit talc dew

A grass that emits what looks like a white powder, almost snow like, only it is burning intensively. The grass lives on burnt meat.

Ear cunt

Moving on.

A detecting pine

A treant that lurks around the forest, gathering clues, to solve the mystery of...of...well, it can't remember now, it was long ago, but it was something big. Anyway, back to lurking!

Bacterial reapers

Pale, humanoid creatures with exaggerated fingers, flat, with which they scrape any surfaces they come across in hope that they will gather something truly vile and infectious. Some concocts they sell, some they just consume. Hides in tall grass and behind corners.

Harm ice

Like really stupid snow that gets in everywhere and you just like STOP IT and it just WHYYY and you just SERIOUSLY FALL SOMEWHERE ELSE and it's just like OH IT'S NOT ME IT'S THE WIND and you're just like YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN and it just HEY IS THAT YOUR EAR and you just panic and flap your arms around like a hyperactive bird and people stare and shake their heads and you regret that you didn't memorized fireball this morning.

Ear cock tic

Moving on (see also: four entries above).

Lo, a cut!

A wound that's actually part mimic, part wound. The mimic draws attention because the wound - "the cut" - is truly remarkable, but at the same time, the mimic emits an odour that makes most people (and most importantly: the wounded) uninterested in tending the actual wound. After a while, the wound gets infected, and eventually the wounded will die, and the mimic consume the dead body. It sometimes lie in wait on the tip of swords, ready for attach to a fresh cut.

An tic garb

Intelligent tics that hunt in packs. They hide on the inside of clothes, especially long dresses, waiting for someone to put them on. After that, they coordinate their bites so they attack at the same moment, sucking blood at an increased rate and capacity, finally weighing down their victim.

Satyric fin hag

A grandmother succubus, who also happens to be a really good swimmer and extremely misunderstood; statistically speaking, an adventurer is more likely to be hit by lightning than being bit by a satyric fin hag.

Loco cider

Liquid mimic, most often in the form of alcoholic beverages. After consumed, the victim will be digested from the inside by the mimic in a couple of hours, causing the poor sod to run around like crazy. After that, the spirit of the mimic then evaporates through the skin and spreads with the wind, hoping to infect another open bottle.

The Everyking

THE EVERYKING

The Everyking is not a king. He just hangs around taverns and the like, sitting there with his arms steady on the bar counter as if he's ready to take off, glaring at other people, occasionally shouting "WADDAYA WANT, PEASANT?" or "BAH".

He made his crown out of crows, because he misheard a long time ago, and will remake it once a week.

He will present himself as THE EVERYKING, which doesn't mean he thinks himself as the king of everything, but rather a king for every thing you can think of, i.e. a king for bread crumbs, ants, the wind, a specific wall in your house, etc.

His throne is always located next to a bar counter, but he's a modest drinker.

He shouts, and has bad hearing (or just picks the things he wants to hear).

People tend to either ignore him completely, or laugh behind his back, and authorities in general doesn't cause him any trouble since he always pays whatever taxes they throw at him.

 

Income? His coins doesn't come from earnest work, but rather from a forgotten and well hidden underground tomb out in the woods, littered with copper. The Everyking doesn't fear them, as he is a firm believer that the ghouls and ghosts in the tomb are old servants of his - and surprisingly, they do too, because they are just as delusional as him, and will happily let him pick a couple of coins every now and then. They will protect him. The tomb is five levels deep, but the Everyking only traverses the first two, which is probably for the better since whatever lurks deeper than that doesn't share views with the upper ghosts.

Once in a while, someone will ask about the whereabouts of the Everyqueen, which will be met with a stern rebuff and something unintelligible.

Crows avoids him.

Three silver figurines, or "Our occult shrine got flooded so now we're pretty bummed"

 

Just a dumb one page thing today! Trying to think minimalistic.

So this site is just some simple (from the outside) two rooms shrine (two separate doors). It is built in stone, but lacks all sorts of ornaments.

In each of the two rooms, a statue is present. There's nothing special about them; bog standard "important man looking into the distant, not knowing where to put his arms". One is missing its nose.

The round, barred window is located in a space between the front doors. It should give a hint to the "hidden" area between the two rooms. There are no other light sources inside the shrine.

In one of the rooms, the entrance to the (now hidden) area has been bricked up long ago by the original worshippers of the shrine, in an attempt to imprison the Changing Beast they managed to summon one night.

The flooded area has a narrow (30 cm wide), winding staircase following the four walls, leading all the way down to the bottom (30 meter). This area wasn't always under water.

At the bottom, besides broken pottery and glass vials, the following things can be found:

1. Silver figurine (30 cm tall, tarnished). Two arms up in the air (leftmost figurine in the image above)
   
2. Silver figurine (40 cm tall, tarnished). Four arms spread like an X (middle figurine in the image above)
   
3. Silver figurine (50 cm tall, tarnished). Alien look (rightmost figurine in the image above)
   
4. Skeleton in plate armour
5. A broken sword
   
6. A bottle of spoiled wine in a otherwise empty chest
   

The skeleton remains (item 4 above) is the poor sod they left behind to fight the Changing Beast, who managed to defeat the beast by breaking up its soul into the three silver figurines using the once magical sword (now broken, item 5 above).

The three figurines depict the three different shapes the Changing Beast could take on: man, beast, and something alien and otherworldly.

Selling off the three figurines will require some persuasion, since the figurines makes most people uneasy.

Cleric studying the Tome of Boring and Utterly Dull Spells (pg. 5492)

 

Boogyman Mountains

 

They say Last Town was actually called Next Stop for a while, until they got rid of that first town (which was called First Town).

And Boogyman Mountains is sometimes referred to as Sweaty Armpit Rock, but don't tell that to its face!

3 Towers Red are made from red barked birch trees, that used to grow where the towers now stand. You win some, you lose some, as the previous owners used to say.

The dragon is called Something Else.

The Badgerbrough Inquisitive, issue 4:44

 

(Older issues here.)

Sunday silly idea: using Telephone Pictionary Game as spell research

Have you played Telephone Pictionary Game? I can't remember if I've had, but the gist of it is basically:

1. Write a secret message/sentence on a piece of a paper
2. Pass it to someone else
3. They now have to draw it
4. When they're done, they pass it to the next person, who interprets the picture into words
5. Repeat 2

(The original game makes you construct small booklets and what not, but you get the idea.)

What if you used this idea for spell research?

Let's say your average player Börje Bajskorv wants to research a new spell for his character. He writes down the complete spell description - intent, usage, whatever, even a preferred spell name - on a piece of paper, and passes it on to another player/DM.

They now have to illustrate it on another (blank) piece of paper. When they're done, they pass the illustration on to another player, who interprets the picture into words.

The new spell interpretation is then passed on to yet another player (or DM), and so on, until it finally lands in the hands of the original spell researcher as a written interpretation - and that is the final spell.

You could probably make it so that spell level is dependent on how many times the spell needs to be passed along (e.g. alternating between being drawn/interpreted).

This is a completely untested idea, so I assume it works flawlessly!