The Compleat Spell Book of Surfer Rosa

BONE MACHINE
At the touch of the caster, the bones of the affected person begins to move in strange patterns, unsettling and unfamiliar for most people.
This strange dance lasts for 31 rounds.


BREAK MY BODY
At the touch of the caster, the sorcerer is able to make every bone in the touched person's body disappear.
By some cruel fate, this spell isn't lethal though.


SOMETHING AGAINST YOU
When the sorcerer whispers this spell, he curses a person into believing that everyone he will meet over the next couple of minutes has a grudge against him.


BROKEN FACE
After pulling the earlobe of the desired object two times in a row, the sorcerer may rearrange the victim's face as he wishes for the next 10 seconds.


GIGANTIC
When sorcerers fall in love, bad things are bound to happen. If cursed by this spell, whenever the wizard sees the person s/he's in love with, he or she will grow in size.


RIVER EUPHRATES
A chanting spell that, when heard, causes anyone who hears it to start looking for a horse.


WHERE IS MY MIND?
When cast, makes the target float through the air as if he or she were under water.
How to cast: the wizard must stand on his head with his feet in the air -and then spin it.


CACTUS
With this spell, the sorcerer is able to send nearby clothes and stick them to a target for a minute.


TONY'S THEME
First, the wizard cast this spell on a group of people (no more than 20, but no less than 10).
Then, the wizard points at whoever he wants them to admire unconditionally. They will even try to chant his name (anyone not knowing the name of the one they're admiring will scream "TO! NY!" instead).


OH MY GOLLY!
The wizard is able to hide a secret message in his next sentence, even though it is spoken out loud.
Anyone meant to hear the actual message will hear it loud and clear.


VAMOS
This spell raises the heartbeat of the wizard. Or maybe it'll teleport the sorcerer to the nearest beach. I don't know, the writing on the page in the spell book is really crazy.


I'M AMAZED
The sorceress conjures three spirits from her past, to tell stories that lacks any moral. Anyone hearing this will be charmed senseless.


BRICK IS RED
At the touch of the sorcerer, the victim's eyes turns to diamonds, coloured pale blue. They're still functional, but most thieves are now more than willingly to pluck them out.