Mount Squash

Madame Maim

Atop the mountain, a bell
reddish in color, its sound so fell,
tolls her name




With a bag of souls to sell,
void is her color, rotten her smell;
Madame Maim, Madame Maim

Green Paladin

Golemblins

If you fill a wooden barrel with goblin intestines - and one or several other mundane things - under a full moon while reciting the nine verses of Bubbling Blurbs of Boghat, you'll get a golemblin.

For every mundane thing you throw in, roll a d6 and look up the result below:
1: utter failure. Regardless of what you've tossed in, the golemblin goes insane and rages, starting with you
2-3: yay, the item's positive side-effect kicks in
4: both positive and negative side-effect (if any) kicks in
5-6: yikes, only the negative side-effect of this item kicks in

Golemblins speak ghargel - a mixed dialect that sounds like stew cooking. If a golemblin gets into a heaty discussion, it may start to leak some of its gooey inside through whatever cracks in the barrel it speaks through (some golemblins have thus talked themselves to death by dehydration).

You may put in some other stuff as well to give additional properties. Be inspired by this nice table compiled by the folks over at Google+:

#	Item	Positive effect	Negative effect
1	Copper wires	Electrical attack	Chance of getting electrified and stunned when hit by metal
2	Hot coals	Smoke attack	Gets a heart of burning coal that needs to be kept burning by feeding it hot embers. One hot ember keeps the heart burning for 24 hours. There is also a chance the Golemblin creates a small flame around it whenever it takes damage.
3	Raptor claws	Extra claw attack	Gains an extra arm and claw but develops physical dysphoria and gets -1d6 on all attacks
4	Crystal ball	Clairvoyance	Makes a sound of crushing glass when walking that can be heard about 20 feet away
5	Elf ears	Sharp senses	Elf ears
6	Crushed butterflies	Flight	Addiction to pollen
7	Duckling	More obedient to its creator	Won't shut up
8	Beef shank	More HP	Is lazy and sleepy all the time
9	Jug of moonshine	Bonus to morale, immune to fear	Sings, stumbles, is drunk all the time
10	Bowl of curdled milk	Fireproof	Stinks
11	Sulfur and saltpetre	Shoots fire blasts	Explodes when reduced to 0 hp
12	Hangman's noose	Has +3 to all saving throws	Everyone in 10' radius has -3 to all saving throws
13	Big diamond	AC as full plate	Kleptomaniac
14	Viper skins	Poison bite	Always lies
15	Turtle shell	Plus 1 to AC	Moves at half speed
16	Troll skull	19 Strength	2 Intelligence
17	Rabbit's foot	Reroll 1s	Always limping
18	Tree branch	Bark skin	Stiff like a tree: -1d6 to Dexterity/Agility/Flexibility
19	Spotted dog	trip attack and good sense of smell	Prone to chasing small animals
20	Eye of a flesh demon of Choom	Cone of Disintegration	disassociative flesh tends to collapse on a failed Con save every round, pulling itself together slowly
21	Big rock	Slam and knockdown attack
22	Little rock	Slingshot attack
23	Dirty shoe	Stinking cloud attack
24	Floppy hat	Circle of comfortable shade (protects goblins from sunlight)
25	Eyepatch	Blindness attack
26	Coil of rope	Entangling lasso attack
27	Ingot of iron	Cold iron attack
28	Shiver of silver	Silver attack
29	Lump of gold	Detect richest target
30	Clod of clay	Slowing attack
31	Shard of pottery	Banish attack (ostrakha)
32	Axehead	Slashing attack
33	Bundle of bolts	Shoots bolts of goblin juju
34	Stack of paper	Administrative red tape aura increases zone of control	Extremely good at administrative tasks but is not very likely to follow any order unless it is administrative. Has a fondness for complicated tasks that takes long time to complete.
35	Coiled spring	Jump attack
36	Toy or real clown	Fear attack
37	Snail	Slime attack	Any movement is at half speed
38	Puppy dog's tail	Aura of cuteness
39	Cat eyes	Sees in the dark	Get an own agenda (only known to the Golemblin) to serve itself and wont hesitate to use others to fulfill it.
40	Frog legs	Leap and swimming	Gets slimy mucous coverd skin that is glue like
41	Fish tails	Faster swimming	Very short memory
42	Seven snakes	Constriction attack with intestines in barrel	Petrifying gaze.
43	Sword and stone	True king detection	Chance of havinging attacks returned on self.
44	Crypt Cup	-1d6 to highest ability, -1d6 to lowest ability	If the same character drings from the cup twice, it turns to dust. -1d6 on ALL abilites
45	Molted snake skin	Oily skin making it difficult to grapple	Get blind and only sense vibrations (not that sensitive though)
46	Handful of candy	Moves faster and is permanently excited (will not retreat)	Huge deficit of attention - Easy to distract
47	Marbles	Impossible to trip and make fall prone	Clattering noise (no surprise)
48	Watercolour palette	Can open passages through walls by painting a door	Becomes mute and socially awkward

(Contributors in no particular order: Luka Rejec, Liban Issa, Simon Forster, Łukasz Krupiński, Cody Mazza, Jean-François Lebreton, and that Swedish bloke.)

Some nice illustrations by some very talented people to get your imagination going:

Matthew Adams
("A barrel Golem, made with predominately with snails and spiders. I suspect an apple with a maggot was thrown in too.")

Henrik Rosenborg

Scrap Princess

Scrap Princess

Luka Rejec

Actual footage of an actual golemblin. Taken in Sweden yesterday by yours truly.

Lavender orc smells really good

Should probably have a faint aura of automatic Charm Person, or at least a calming effect on persons nearby.

The Silent City

The Silent City is named so because it is illegal to speak. Foreigners are kicked out, citizens exiled or executed on spot (in most cases exiled since executions are noisy).

Environmental sounds aren't forbidden, but frowned upon (e.g. the sound of the blacksmith working). You should keep such activities on a lower layer, or preferably outside the city.

Silent Language is the official language, a strict sign language restricted to one-hand motions, a leftover from the 37 year old war where you'd want the other hand to always wield a weapon.

The citizens of the Silent City are not deaf.

Mages raised in the Silent City cannot cast spells that requires a verbal component.

The Grand Ocularium serves as what other cities would call a library, only here the books are replaced by several silent tellers; sages who can recite information using Silent Language. Books are noisy, turning pages are noisy, climbing ladders retrieving books are noisy.

Built like a wedding cake, the laws of silence are loosen up the further away from the top you get, although the rulers have many spies and watchers.

The lowest layer of the city - where the main gate is located - is called Whisper. You may get away with whispering here. This layer is where most commoners are found, foreign travelling merchants and their ilk.

It's unclear what the real reason for all this is, although an old tale tells about a sage in the Grand Ocularium that revealed that the city acts as a blanket, covering a sleeping baby god. The baby is harmless, but if disturbed, the cry will anger and attract its parents - whatever they may be.

AD&D Monster Manual as haiku (part 2 - B)

Here's the next part. Ah B, I was looking forward to the beholder, but it was the baluchitherium that surprised me.

Yes, this series is probably mostly useless, but they are fun to write, although this entry took longer than I expected. WAY longer.

------------------------

BABOON

one half pacifist
one half indeterminism
red ass waves goodbye


BADGER

you dig like a sow
do you even work out, brock?
your pelt looks like felt


BALUCHITHERIUM

LOOKING FOR: LOST HORN
I WILL TRAMPLE YOU FOR IT
ASK FOR "NOT RHINO"


BARRACUDA

bowman not needed
undersea ferocity
salt water arrow


BASILISK

little dragon king
you shun your own reflection
no glasses for you


BEAR

boring encounter
forests, or a grizzly cave
give papa a hug


BEAVER, Giant

this entry feels like
a predictable scene from
National Lampoon


BEETLE, Giant

hungry moving house
elemental or common
we gather feces


BEHOLDER

polyphemus, lo!
here be your galatea
twelve pupils of death


BLACK PUDDING

foul crevice seeker
no paper could collect you
darkest giant snot


BLINK DOG

daddy the pup's gone!
no wait it came back, hey pup!
no wait! oh fuck this


BOAR

pig of the sounder
juvenile, only older
everyone knows pig


BRAIN MOLE

malignant nevus
of the poor psionics mind
unbiunium


BROWNIE

handy half halfling
how is your very short sword
not just a dagger?


BUFFALO

illustrated cow
body, sepia world map
head, dark thunderstorm


BUGBEAR

just a hairy man
it is, really: goblin men
wrong taxonomy


BULETTE

monster à la carte
worcestershire demon hot sauce
damn you mad wizard


BULL

they squeezed this one in
an entry worthy its name
beware page filler

Campsite at Maw Mountain

AD&D Monster Manual as haiku (part 1 - A)

I got this idea after misreading a post of  the most excellent Luka Rejec, where his words describing his drawing almost felt haiku-like.

Alright, before we start, the haiku I'll try to write are going to be bastard versions of a real haiku: that is, I'll only count syllables. Haiku poets around the world be hating.

And I'll use the AD&D 1e monster manual, because that's the only monster manual I got.

Alright, let's start with the first part.

----------

AERIAL SERVANT

anger management
could save the both of us, dear
mage hand is better


ANHKHEG

dirt shark fights dirty
a secret crush on farmers
acidic love spit


ANT, Giant

off with her head man
why don't you remember my
name - I guess she does


APE, (Gorilla)

swedish pun, begone
silly walk as silly talk
seven sunclad days


APE, Carnivorous

human barbecue
larger stronger better me
sign language for all


AXE BEAK

my clean cuts, sleek kills
dust clouds shadows escape path
need to lay an egg

I can't spell ourobourus

Redcap points the way

The Green Wall

"Babs got a new apartment closer to the Green Wall, ain't that something?"

"I heard they painted the wall green to make it more inviting. Like a forest."

"What's a forest?"

"... I can't remember."

"... Good for Babs, though! Maybe she and Walt can sort things out now!"

"Again."

"Babs had no right to bring those documents beyond the Green Wall! Her clearance may be higher than most, but we're supposed to keep secrets - well, secret!"

"... What do you think happened in Citrus 2? I mean, really happened?"

"She got what she deserved, Dave. Non-people have no business there."

"I heard they pushed her off the -"

"Stop hearing things, Dave. I mean it."

"... I love you."

"Of course you do, Dave, it's the law."

Some undead horsey thing

Ol' Goldyhead

Ol' Goldyhead is made pf pure gold. He rests upon Red Mountain. A few poor souls have tried to scrape his skin, but ol' Goldyhead's scream will blow of your head.

He has a cold twice a year. His snot is silver.

Goblins

Carrot Mountains

Daddy I summoned an imp, can I keep it?