Planet Percussion

Planet Percussion is a peculiar little planet.

It orbits the great white sun of SELWAY'S STAR.

One third of the planet's surface consists of a thick membrane, and it works much like trampoline. When this side faces away from the sun, it's pulled towards the core of the planet. When gravity's pull on the membrane diminishes, the membrane is released and great bang is produced.

Dropping things into the membrane is a popular way to shoot things into space, like rockets, waste and criminals.

Tiny helpers

A wizard may summon tiny helpers (imps) by sacrificing some of his life. Each conjured imp requires 1 hp of the wizard.

Unfortunately,  he can't control the exact amount of helpers summoned - he may only vaguely state "a few" (d4), "a bunch" (d6) or "plenty" (d8) beforehand. Roll the die in parenthesis, summon that many imps - and hope your hit points are sufficient.

When the wizard regains his health (through sleep, potions, etc.), an equal amount of imps disappears in a puff of smoke (although some have witnessed tiny explosions as well).

The base characteristics of a tiny helper are:

• Size of a very large apple
• Life: 1 hp
• Weakest armour class
• Can carry 0.5 kg
• Speaks balderdash fluently, but understands the wizard perfectly
• Leather trousers

The summoned imps have other traits as well, but those depend on when the wizard summons the helpers (effects stack):

• At full moon: gain wings and the ability to fly. No eyes though; they use click-sounds with their tongue to navigate
   
• During sunrise: only one eye, but it is twice as big, and it shines as strong as the sun
   
• After a big feast (when the wizard's full): can carry 5 kg, but they are fat and doesn't like taking orders
   
• During rainfall: can breathe underwater, but will suffocate on land (keep them in a bag of water). Excellent swimmers.
   
• On a beach: the helpers are constantly burning, so watch where they put their tiny feet
   
• In complete darkness: for some reason, they just can't keep quiet. These imps are known to be able to speak two sentences in the common tongue: "HELLO?" and "WHERE ARE YOU?"

80s one page dungeon

KEY

Entering a room: roll on room table, and so on:

1. Empty
2. Low on battery Robo-Robo-Rat
3. Self-aware Hercules monitor
4. Waste pool; static leakage from MTV
5. A sad 404-page
6. Horny laser-beams
7. Fear-droids
8. Low-res versions of the players
9. Pocket calculator that talks through its LCD-display
10. Programmable Ray-Guns (bullets are sub-routines)

The Blood Connoisseur

Oh please, sit, sit!

Don't you lift your finger, not even a bit!

A guest is at his best

when he's served, oh how absurd!

I forgot our cheese!

And crackers! Oh, please,

not to mention, two glasses of red!

Hm, what was that you said?

Pimbleman's Cut?

Oh sweetie surely you're jok-...oh you're not...

That was...a different take,

on, one may say, this toxic some drink today

Just feels like a waste

of tongue and taste...

Oh, listen to me, old and sour!

Hope my warm hospitality didn't turn into a cold shower!

But, you know what? To hell

with crackers and cheese!

I'll taste your Pimbleman, to have you be at ease!

But after that, I will spoil your tongue

with a wine that makes you feel vivid and strong

and we'll dance in this moonlit salon!

Don't be alarmed, miss, but when I kiss

I may just nibble a bit...