AD&D Monster Manual as haiku (part 1 - A)

I got this idea after misreading a post of  the most excellent Luka Rejec, where his words describing his drawing almost felt haiku-like.

Alright, before we start, the haiku I'll try to write are going to be bastard versions of a real haiku: that is, I'll only count syllables. Haiku poets around the world be hating.

And I'll use the AD&D 1e monster manual, because that's the only monster manual I got.

Alright, let's start with the first part.



anger management
could save the both of us, dear
mage hand is better


dirt shark fights dirty
a secret crush on farmers
acidic love spit

ANT, Giant

off with her head man
why don't you remember my
name - I guess she does

APE, (Gorilla)

swedish pun, begone
silly walk as silly talk
seven sunclad days

APE, Carnivorous

human barbecue
larger stronger better me
sign language for all


my clean cuts, sleek kills
dust clouds shadows escape path
need to lay an egg

The Green Wall

"Babs got a new apartment closer to the Green Wall, ain't that something?"

"I heard they painted the wall green to make it more inviting. Like a forest."

"What's a forest?"

"... I can't remember."

"... Good for Babs, though! Maybe she and Walt can sort things out now!"


"Babs had no right to bring those documents beyond the Green Wall! Her clearance may be higher than most, but we're supposed to keep secrets - well, secret!"

"... What do you think happened in Citrus 2? I mean, really happened?"

"She got what she deserved, Dave. Non-people have no business there."

"I heard they pushed her off the -"

"Stop hearing things, Dave. I mean it."

"... I love you."

"Of course you do, Dave, it's the law."

Ol' Goldyhead

Ol' Goldyhead is made pf pure gold. He rests upon Red Mountain. A few poor souls have tried to scrape his skin, but ol' Goldyhead's scream will blow of your head.

He has a cold twice a year. His snot is silver.